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Coming out to my mom--thoughts?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by GurtieP, Apr 26, 2014.

  1. GurtieP

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    Hey, guys,

    So, I've been coming out to my close friends for about a month now and I've made my rounds. So far, only good experiences. I'm about to graduate and move back home until I can get a job and living situation lined up, but the thought of keeping up the straight charade kills me. I decided that it's about time to come out to my mom. She's coming down to visit me tomorrow to haul back some stuff from my down back home before graduation.

    Both of my parents are the typical Southern folk. Very conservative and they have both made it clear where they stand on the issue of homosexuality. My dad's the worst one--when I was young he saw a gay couple and told me he would never tolerate having a faggot living in his family. My mom doesn't approve of gay people, but she's much more understanding and we're a lot closer than my dad and I are. But, because my parents have that view, I thought a letter would be the best option for me. I was thinking of giving it to her as she's leaving to go back home and tell her to read it when she gets back. That way, I would have a way to get everything out that I need to say all at once (and I'm better at writing than at speaking). It would also give her some time to get over any initial shock before we have a conversation about it.

    Thoughts/advice?

    -Garrett
     
  2. Mehmeister

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    hey gareett!

    look, it all comes down to you and how you work, as you said, you prefer writing as to speaking.
    I would say that your dad would either disown/ not except the fact that your gay.
    i would tell your mum first then get our mum on your side to talk to your dad!

    Hope this helps!
     
  3. stillhidden

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    It's great that you feel like you are ready and don't want to hide anymore. I do have one concern, though... since you will be living at home until you can find a job and place to live, are you afraid they might kick you out before you are ready? Or that it will be too miserable living with them once they find out? If you think there is a possibility they will want you to leave, then I would honestly wait until you have found a job and are ready to move out. That way, you can tell them as you are leaving and let them have time to process the information. If you aren't ready to come out to your dad, do you think your mom would keep it a secret?

    I also live in Georgia and have the same kind of parents. I think my mom is worse than my dad, though in terms of how they would react if they found out about me. Even though I do not live with them anymore, I am still very hesitant to come out... I just know they would act like it's the end of the world. D:

    Anyways, writing a letter would probably be a good way if you want to make sure you tell her everything. It is definitely easier to write than speak in situations like this.
     
  4. Mirko

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    Hi there! Welcome to Empty Closets! :slight_smile:

    Congratulations on your coming out journey thus far! Glad to read that your responses and experience have been positive.

    It sounds like that you have made your mind, and feel that the time has come to let your mom know. A coming out letter is a good route to go. As you have indicated, it would give her time to process the news, before reacting to the letter.

    Let us know how it all turns out.
     
  5. Yossarian

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    Personally, I would just focus on finding a job without the turmoil you might cause by coming out to them at this time, then, after you have moved out, start with your mom and let her work on your dad. It will be up to them to decide whether they want to be homophobic fools and "disown" you for being what they created, or enjoy sharing your life with you and your eventual partner, but at that point you will have your own life with your friends and lover and your own place to live. Let us know how it turns out and what you decide.
     
  6. GurtieP

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    Mission accomplished, guys. She read the letter and called me the next day to talk. Honestly, it could have gone better, but also could have been worse. She just kept saying that I was confused and was just unsure, which stung a little to hear, but we chatted for a while. I think it'll get better after some time. It just feels better to have it out there. Thanks for the thoughts, guys! :slight_smile:
     
  7. Jethro702

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    Glad it went ok :slight_smile:
     
  8. Mirko

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    I'm glad to read that you are relieved that you were able to come out. It's good that you talked with your mom as well. Even though she needs some time to process it all, and to come around, you have laid the foundations for that to happen.

    Congratulations. :slight_smile: