Wanting to come out

Hey everyone, I've been roaming these forums for awhile and figured it was time for me to post. Its gonna be a long one, but please bear with me I first came out to one of my best guy friends in February of this year. He's taken it fairly well but of course, I wouldn't really expect many straight guys to comfort me when I come out.

Well up until a couple of weeks before I finally told him, I tried so hard to deny everything to myself. I told myself I was going to grow up, get a wife, and have kids. I would avoid anything that would make me think about the topic of being gay. All of the while, in the back of my mind, I knew I was, from my glances at other guys, to the mini crushes I had.

One of my biggest problems with coming out though is the fact that I'm living a pretty "straight" life. My guy friend even admitted that he had no clue and honestly didn't believe me at first. At the same time, I've also had another guy friend half-jokingly accuse me of being gay. I have a good group of male friends that I talk to regularly, and most of the girls I am friends with are only because they are friends with my girlfriend. Yup, my girlfriend. (More on that later) On the issue with all my guy friends, I'm not scared of have a few people separate themselves because of my orientation. If they hate the word "gay" so much, I don't want to be around them either. I'm scared of the tentativeness I'll receive from my closest friends who even though they accept me, will be scared of others thinking the same thing about them. Is this a legitimate worry? I've struggled with self esteem and making friends for so long now that I just don't know whether my fears are my worried side that makes things up, or whether they are realistic things that could actually happen. To be more specific about tentativeness, it'd be things like hanging out with one of them alone or spending the night at their house which I've done many times. I'm scared that they would avoid those situations in the future. I even get that vibe from the guy I mentioned in the first paragraph but again, I don't know if that is really the case.

And on to my other huge hurdle: my girlfriend. On May 9th, we will have gone out for 6 months. And up until I've been wanting so bad to come out, those 6 months have been amazing. While I don't have a physical attraction for her, she makes me so happy and I feel like I do the same thing to her. It's because of the fact that she is so great that I feel like I can't lie to her. I need to tell her that I'm gay. Before you tell me that I can just break up with her without coming out, I honestly feel like that wouldn't be the right thing to do. I feel like she deserves an actual reason and beyond this one fact about me, there are none I could give her. She's very religious, but I haven't gotten the slightest idea about how she would respond to this. Would she be bitter and take it as something horrible? Or be accepting and understanding. I even prepared a letter and a scenario. I want to take her somewhere quiet, give it to her to read, and sit right in front of her as she goes through it to help her understand. And once that is done, I want to come out all at once to my other friends as soon as possible afterwards. I guess my question regarding her though, is should I tell her? How should it be done? I just feel like she deserves to know before the public.

Sorry this post was so dang long. But if you are still reading this, thank you so much. Within a matter of months, I have gone from trying my hardest to hide my sexuality from everyone including myself, to wanting to just let everyone know. Here in my junior year of high school, I don't know if its the best decision, and these obstacles and worries standing in the way aren't really helping. I'd appreciate any advice. Thank you!

 

Well guys, I guess I let my recent bouts of depression affect the relationship negatively. We had a nice discussion about where things were going and decided we've just been more distant lately. I didn't have the courage to come out at the moment but I told her that there was a reason I've been acting differently that I'm not ready to share to people yet but agreed that I saw the same thing happening and she decided to end the relationship, although we're still on good terms with each other, so I don't think I'll see bad effects from coming out to everyone from her unless she is homophobic.

Hernan, I know I was the one looking for advice in the first place but seeing as you aren't out at all, I think you should maybe think about picking someone you really trust to tell? That can jumpstart the process. I know I didn't even consider coming out until I told my friend, and now I want to tell everyone. Best of luck to you.

Santana thanks for the help, but I suppose it isn't as big of a problem now haha. Again, thanks!

 

Thanks for warning me, dude. I'm still thinking about telling her first since it wasn't a bad break up. And judging from what happened to you, I guess I need to be more sensitive and careful about it even if the relationship is over.