A Person's Sexuality

While we (we being a collective gay community term, not in any way an expert opinion) are positive that homosexuality is something ingrained in us and not in any way changeable, the actual cause is debatable (genetics, hormone rushes in the womb, etc.). As for when people know, it's on a person to person basis as to when they take notice to same sex attraction. Could it be that you've subconsciously been so concentrated on being straight that you never noticed an attraction to the same sex? Anyhow, doesn't really matter, as long as you assess your feelings as they are now. Sexuality comes out of people at different stages of life.

 

I strongly disagree with this. Sexuality changes over your life. This is how we can have people's sexuality changing when they're 40 and happily married with children. I don't beleive that sexuality is a biological thing. I think that it's a personal preference that changes and fluctuates, and that we don't have control over those fluctuations. My own sexuality is too fluid and complex to be whittled down to bi, gay or straight, because there are parts of each of those categories that fit me and appeal to me. Don't listen to anyone who tells you you're 100% biologically gay, any more than anyone who tells you you have control over being gay.

 

and thus we enter the field of debate: see what I mean by so many differing opinions on how it works?

 

Call it a change or fluctuation, or call it denial! I'm 35 and just now figuring it out - and I'm sure there have been guys older than me too.

 

The only 'rule' I believe in about sexuality is that it is completely out of our control.

 

I don't believe that everyone knows when they are kids I always felt like I was different from the girls around me but I couldn't figure out how. when I finally did figure it out I was maybe 13 but I went into denial about it until maybe a little over 4 years ago and then I realized I couldn't deny it any longer it was making me miserable and also it seems that within the last several months I have become more attracted to girls and less attracted to guys then ever before so really sexuality is a confusing thing that you can know about from age 2 or before or remain confused until you die either way what you are feeling is normal there are no rules to say when you figure things out and also you might not be able to label yourself as gay, bi, or straight those are just what they are labels not everyone fits into one of them I know I don't I just use the closest I can relate to so if someone asks I can give them the label they want that way I don't have to explain myself or answer a million questions.

 

This is my opinion so i don't want any crap about my opinion.

But I honestry don't believe in that you are born gay or bi...
But I'm not saying that gay people chose to be gay either...

I think it do with person's environment when he/she was susceptible.
Because if I think that way I can easily explain how I became bisexual

And some people doesn't realize it untill they gets older.

 

Oh yes. I have a friend who was married for 25 years before she figured out she was a lesbian.

 

Kimi, I would be interested in hearing why you think it has to do with environment?

 

The age old question of nature vs. nurture.

My stance is that it's a little bit of both. / I haven't thought about it enough (probably because I don't want to).

I do not believe that a person is born gay or lesbian or bisexual or anything. In my opinion, people are not born with any sexual orientation at all. However, everyone is born with specific genes that govern our behaviors and feelings. Our environment, where we grow up, also governs our behaviors and feelings. So my view is that the right combination of genes and environment can cause someone to be gay.

HOWEVER if you disagree with that, don't get all up in arms about it, because I haven't really thought about it too much and haven't developed the idea very much.


My TRUE opinion is that it doesn't matter. Whether it's because of my environment, my genes, something I was born with, how I was raised, whatever, I'm gay. It doesn't matter why I'm gay, I'm just gay.

 

I feel that sexuality is out of our control, regardless of the "cause" and it's definately not a choice. I always thought I was straight too, but that's all I knew and didn't really understand what being gay meant and didn't know that same-sex relationships existed. Somewhere along the line I figured these things out and when I was 22-23 it really hit me; I am gay. Looking back then and now, I see a lot of crushes that I had on guys, but didn't recognize them for what they were. It wasn't denial in my case since I didn't know enough to deny anything.

As for people being married and coming out as gay, that could be similar to my situation or it could be denial. Family and social pressures/expectations are unfortunately very influential for many people; especially in past generations. I could see someone being bisexual enough to get married, yet later on realize that the gay side was stronger or maybe it can shift over time. According to Kinsey, most people are bisexual to some degree. Think about it, our tastes in food, drink, music, design, etc. can certainly change over time, why couldn't our sexuality, or at least the degree of bisexuality? :eusa_thin

 

I think sexuality change becuase of your enviroment, too. It depends on what you do, how you feel and how you are affected by your world
When I was a kid, I thought that I like girls. But when I was sex abused by a guy, I changed. Still now that I think he was the cause who turned me gay. I'm not sure but I know it acturely was one factor.
But I think some people can change their sexuality by using what they are thinking and what they feel about it (it depends, becuase sometimes you cant figure out what oreintation you ack got) . Over time, it'll create a pattern of changing.

 

:eusa_clap Well said.
I really like this explanation, and the disclaimer. It's good to keep in mind that, no matter how it happened, we're gay.
I agree with you, 100%.

 

I certainly think we can change our behaviour with respect to our attractions and I certainly think our attractions can change over time. I'm not really sure what drives our attractions, though. I don't believe it's probably the same thing for everyone. I'm sure for some people it's this ingrained part of who they are and for others it's less... integrated? I think people have a lot of different feelings and attractions and we try to make sense of them by creating categories and generalisations which fit most but not all people, and so labels like gay, bi, lesbian are convenient... hmmn... convenient wireframes on which to mould ourselves/our identities.

Some problems arise, though, when people (and I think everyone does this to some extent) mistake the convenient shapes for the people themselves. So then convenience becomes constriction and conformance rather than expression.

 

That's certainly the danger of generalisations, and it can result in a lot of ugly situations. However bad labeling can be (and trust me, I don't like it either), it makes it a lot easier to find a community relating to the label, to find like-minded people. I mean, I could fill volumes with the subtle intricacies of my sexuality, but fitting into the "bisexual" category helps me to find others who know what I'm going through.

So in short, I dislike generalisations, but I can understand why they exist.

 

I think you're born with a specific orientation, but being raised in an environment where straight is the norm this is what you learn to think. This phase of thinking passes eventually and thus begins the process of coming out to yourself. I believe this can happen at any time in a person's life- whether it be at 6 or 60. I wish i could write a more detailed analysis but I'm ot of time.

 

Oh don't get me wrong: I am so fed up with the people who are like "don't label me!" We need labels--they are totally to fundamental to how we work. Trying not to use them is just stupidly awkward and an exercise in futility. There is too much going on in the world for us to attempt to NOT make generalisations; we would go crazy if we didn't make generalisations.

What people do need to do, though, is constantly be aware they are making generalisations and that sometimes our generalisations will be wrong. It's basically that we have to be open to new and different things, and not use generalisations purely out of laziness.

And we have to critically assess the generalisations we use, as opposed to thinking and saying things (this comes up extremely with gender) like "women are emotional and nurturing while men are rational and competitive" and then assuming that those generalised differences pre-exist the generalisation (and are in fact "natural" and "biological" and "innate").

 

I agree with GuitarGirl, I think you are born with a certain orientation, but it just takes time for you to realise it. I mean, I've liked boys all my life, but I just thought it was a 'normal' phase and that most boys go thourgh at that age. It wasn't until I was about 12 when I 'put 2 and 2 together' and realised that I was, in fact, gay.

I can understand people's views about how your environment can affect your sexuality, but for me, it just doesn't quite cut it, as I believe that you are bron gay, and that is that, no matter what environment you grow up in.

 

I agree with guitargirl in that yes environment effects, but in the way that if straight is the norm we aren't likely to recognize what our feelings mean.