I'm 20, I live with my father, I been getting gender dysphoric more and more. I've been getting depressed. I have been getting girlier clothes, I have a drawer of girly things makeup, clothing ect. I have been becoming less and less careful about concealing my gender identity as it would feel almost like a relief for my dad to know, haven't seen a therapist yet, working on that. My dad is a bit traditional, kinda in the middle of things politically, believes gays should have rights but has voted down gay marriage in my state because of the word "marriage" and seems judgmental about gays internally, but tries not to judge them. I'm fairly sure he would still care about me if I came out as gay (I'm actually bi) but I don't think he is even well informed on transgenderness. If I have access I will probably want to try hormones to see how they feel mentally and if I like it I probably would transition. I want to see a therapist first to talk about it. There is a informed consent place, 80 miles away if I need to get them badly. Insurance which is under his, is skeptical, but he says I can see a therapist (for depression/ADHD), I don't see moving out as an option in the very near future, I have a part time minimum wage job, I have been in school, not doing well with some of the classes around my major, have been depressed lately and hard to focus ( had to drop a couple several times) my father is paying for college , I feel scared for my future, but I also feel the need to express my new found gender identity (started realizing it about half year ago) and having to hide it creates more stress and depression for me. Im out to my close friends. How should I handle my father.
Tomoko - I completely sympathize with your plight - I'm so sorry you have to go through all this stress and depression. I think you are right on in wanting to see a therapist - hopefully you can get this set up soon. Is there someone else in your family (especially someone who knows your Dad pretty well) that you would feel comfortable coming out to that might be able you provide you with support and some advice about how to proceed with your Dad? I'm new here myself and haven't been in this situation personally, so I am really reluctant to give advice, but my personal inclination, if it were me (which it obviously isn't) would be to try hold off on telling your Father until you can talk to a therapist or another family member and get their ideas/opinions on dealing with your Father. In the meantime, are there things you can do to lessen your feelings of dysphoria? Would things like spending more time dressed, wearing some women's clothes under your guy clothes, or practicing with your make-up help? I find even just hanging out here on EC makes me feel more at ease with myself as I know I don't have to be so guarded with who I am. I know it doesn't work this way for everyone, but I always feel like regular 'girl' time helps keep me on an even keel. I hope this is in some way helpful, and that you can start to feel better. EC is really a great place and I'm sure there is lots here to help you, so I really hope you stick around!
I do lots of things to try to lessen dysphoria, I only wear panties now, I wear girly clothes when I'm home alone and androgynous clothes around people. I do makeup, Im still beginning with that, I had a couple girls help me with it. Working on making my mannerisms and walk girly. I try pretty hard actually to connect myself with the way I feel, Im still afraid of the future though. I could tell my Mom, she might take it better (my parents are divorced and I don't live with her) plus it would give me more support if she accepted it before I told my father. My friends are all fairly supportive, not all of them fully seem to think of it as true and permanent or they might not want to change their idea of who I am, but all my friends seem willing to accept me and support me, so that helps.
I'm glad to hear that your friends are being accepting/supportive, and it sounds like your Mom might be as well. I don't know what your relationship with your Mom is like, or what the dynamics of the divorce were/are but if you feel comfortable coming out to her she might be a source of both support and possibly advice on how/when to come out to your father. I still think finding a therapist soon is probably a good course of action. Of course all my earlier disclaimers on the value of my advice apply to this as well. :icon_wink Whatever you decide, I hope everything goes well!
