So I'm having a bit of problems, my boyfriend broke up with me on monday, the days before he was all nice to me he was hugging me and everything even the same day he was nice holding hands on the street (which we never did before btw), and then that night he tells me that he wants to break up with me, saying that he doesnt know why but he thinks we arent working out, but while he was doing that he was crying even more then I was... yesterday night which is a night we went out again with a few friends of ours 3 days after the break up when I was going home he called me and hugged me and said that he still loved me, I asked him if he wanted to work on this again and he said we'll see... something that before he was pretty much taking out of the picture, and he was crying again Now the night of the breakup and the following morning he said he was gonna take everything away from the house, he didnt leave till today but he only left his cloths here and left all of his guitars and amps and other things, and some clean clothes. I cant understand all this mixed signals can anyone with a bit more of experience tell me what you think might be going on in his head, I'm a man myself but this makes no sense.
Quite often, I hear straight couples say that gays have it easy, since we don't have to deal with all that "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" stuff. But if that were really true, there wouldn't be posts like this, would there? It makes me think it's less a gender gap, and more a human gap. I know. "Lex, enough pontificating about life. Get to my problem." OK. My gut feeling is this. He has decided that it's necessary, or at least very important, that you two split up. That's his brain talking. But his heart (and perhaps other body parts) isn't quite ready to let go. His hand-holding pre-breakup may have been him attempting to see if "love can conquer all", but whatever he was hoping would happen didn't...thus the breakup. What to do? Talk to him. Sit down, grab some coffee or something, and talk. Tell him that it appears that mentally, he wants to break up, but emotionally, he's still having trouble. Ask him what specifically is making him think breaking up is a good idea. Whatever his reasons, I wouldn't try to talk him out of the idea, really. But do give him your thoughts. "My feelings on that are..." And ask if he'd like to take a break. Maybe a week or so, get his thoughts together, and see if he's still in the same spot. Lex
I agree with Lex - again it is one of those 'communication is the essence' type of situations. Only problem is that you have to be honest, try to be dispassionate, encourage him to be the same (but without malice) - and then maybe both be prepared to not like some of what you hear and be able to deal with that. Good luck.
Talk to him. Do you think he is having a hard time dealing with being gay? Maybe he doesn't want to end it but is feeling guilty because he is gay. I don't know but whatever the reason it seems like he is having mixed feelings and really doesn't want to break up. Like I said talk to him and see if he'll open up to you. Try to be understanding when talking to him also. Good luck. Sam
well I forgot to give you all the information really I just realised, what I tought the problem was and loads of my friends think as well is that, over the past month or so I didnt have a job and neither did he, and we were living together with nothing to do all day, we would wake up and just watch a few movies during the day and then go back to bed and same thing again for 4 weeks, we did go out a few times but the money were low so we didnt do it much, and even as I'm typing this I understand more and more how claustrophobic and bad way of living that really is, especially as he isnt a very self driven person he doesnt usually wake up till around 3 or so. So a lot of us think that is just a thing that he needs space. Also at first he said that he would just wanted to end it then I made the point about the needing space with him and he said that he goes back home for 2 weeks and then we see each other again then ans see how things are then. but is weird cause even if he wasnt thinking that it wouldnt work him leaving the guitars here is strange as the guy goes insane if he doesnt play his guitar at least once in a day, how can he go trough it for 2 weeks...
I read both posts, and I still say talk to him. Talk to him about this thought you have--and if that's the issue, then work together on a plan to get jobs so you can both get out more. It's true--he might just need time. The fact that he says he still loves you says A LOT, and I think that you guys will be able to work through this. All couples have rough spots. It's part of relationships. But getting through them and keeping together with your love intact strengthens that relationship. This might be one of those stumbling blocks, and you both have to hold each other up. So, yes, talk to him. Ask him if he's willing to work on this. Hey, love is always worth a shot. Hope this helps. (*hug*) Good luck.
im surprised youre confused, those are some pretty mixed signals! on top of the upset... corner him until hell explain the way hes feeling? i think you have to have it out in conversation somehow...
ok so few more things happened, he was supposed to come back here today cause there's a gig on here and he wanted to see it and I would've gone as well which i tough might have shed a bit more light, however since is a bank holiday his family wants him to stay there and so he's not coming down anymore, however yesterday the first day we were away he rang me about a website he saw online and he tough I would be interested in, and today he texted me saying he wouldn't be down today but he'll be down on the 14th and that we can go for a meal, again the signals are still mixed but they seem to be good enough. toughts?
