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Miserable

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Geist, Aug 1, 2008.

  1. Geist

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    In a previous thread earlier this summer I said how I decided to be single for the rest of the summer as a kind of break off to discover what I want and just get away from it all. My brother gave me the idea after he did the same and told me how much it helped him and how easy it was. Unfortunately my experience with it has been a little different. He told me when he was single and not looking he was getting girls left and right and it allowed him to understand a little more of what he wanted. When I took the summer off it seems like nothing has changed and no one is the least bit interested and it makes me feel like no one is the least bit interested in me.

    Ever since my ex used and then dumped me I have felt horrible about myself. My self isolation has led me to thoughts about trying to go out with him again because he is the only one who ever seemed to care about me. I feel absolutely worthless and I just wish that at least one person was the least bit interested in me. I don't know anymore I feel miserable constantly but I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it. I just wish I had someone and at this point I would almost accept anyone. Though I know that if I continue this I'll end up in another crappy relationship. I just don't know what to do anymore.
     
  2. hoping

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    I sometimes feel like nobody wants me but its just self doubt in your mind.
    From what ive read from posts you have made your a great guy, smart, funny, caring, kind , compassionate and you have so much to offer a guy who really deserves you, dont go back to the arsehole who used you, you deserve so much better.
    Show people how amazing you are and i think in time you will have a great guy come to you and i know its really hard waiting believe me but it will be worth it.
    Dont ever doubt what you have to offer and that your a great person, cause your an incredible person and you have yourself to offer the world and that is the greatest gift anyone can give.
     
  3. hairdye

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    Dear Geist,

    I think I know what the problem is. I don't know if I'm right, but I'm assuming when your brother went single, he as confident and just didn't want to settle himself with anyone. It seems as though, you're not so confident and you're hoping people will be jumping at you. You're in two completely different states of mind, which makes your cases completely different.

    You have to be okay with and love yourself, before other people can love you. Negative, self concious people, tend to send off an awful vibe. It's like you can feel their low self-esteem. I think you need some alone time. Some alone time in which you find, remember and realize, all of the things that you love about yourself. Everything that you believe makes you a good boyfriend. Not the things that make you a bad boyfriend or undesirable to others.

    My prescription:
    go on a date, with yourself.
    do all the things YOU love. treat you.
    forget the old relationships. and think of the possibilities of new.

    and because I'm a sex and the city freak,

    "Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

    -Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw in "Sex and the City"
     
  4. Derek the Wolf

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    I wouldn't recommend going back to your ex. Time alone can help you get your thoughts and feelings in order, but don't cut yourself off from all relationships. Try to date a few people, but tell them you want to take things slowly. Don't rush into a relationship that you're going to regret later on down the road. Don't hang onto past relationships long, or they'll hurt you in the long run. I know it can be hard when you love someone, I'm still letting go of the idea of a relationship with Brad (who ended up being straight). The most important thing is to avoid complete isolation, cause that'll make you think about your past relationships, and you'll end up wanting to rekindle a fire that's long been extinguished. Remember: just cause the embers are still warm, doesn't mean it's gonna burn down the forest.
     
  5. smilealways

    smilealways Guest

    So your ex used you and dumped you? doesnt sound like he cared much about you.
    Anyway, you should just be patient. Find someone who wouldnt make you feel terrible.
     
  6. Lexington

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    Taking the summer off from dating is fine. But it appears you didn't focus on the right stuff during the summer months, if you came out of it feeling ugly and unworthy of anybody's attention. No matter - it's something you can start on whenever, so may as well be now. :slight_smile:

    Spend your singlehood on YOU. Work on getting to know yourself better. Liking yourself more. LOVING yourself more. Take pride in your strengths - no matter what they are - and accept your faults. As you grow to like yourself more, others will find you easier to like, as well. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  7. sexyalex

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    this...

    thisssss is just sad. It hurts me to see young people like this sit around and cower in their self pitty because they think little of themselves. Now, u may not know it, poeple may not show it but you are very much "wanted". :slight_smile:


    Now the big word sociologists may call this is "codependency", but, i just call it being stuck on stupid. You are NEVER GOING TO FELL LOVED if you don't love yourself. In fact, you, your body, your personality is a product. A product of you...market it. Make yourself as attractive as possible and want yourself, be bold, be confident and the chances of ur eyes being open to the reality of things may increase to a more profound volume. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:

    Your brother is right, and you are right as well, just rushing into another relationship to make yourself feel good because you can't make YOU FEEL GOOD, is just gonna set you up for a deeper lvl of emotional distress, because your

    1. not going to take the time out to evaluate your partner to see if he is the right one

    2 your going to turn to him for advice and chances are he will give you really biased ones to get into ur pants

    3. when he gotten into your pants, he leaves you and puts back all ur (emotional) weight back on your shoulders and BAM....he's gone. :confused:

    So, honey, think twice. Even if it kills you and u don't want to, i usually recommend people to try building a relationship with their parents; and i don't mean a mother son or a father son realtionship...something much more closer.(heck i can talk to my mom about oral sex and it turns into a freindly debate and she won't ever ask me if i am sexually active); and if possible,a close family member like a cousin or a older person u respect allot like a second mother. These are people who will truly love you unconditionaly and love you for who you are and open your eyes to all the good you have in yourlife thow right now everything may seem dark to you.

    That's what families are there for, it's natures way of providing us with friends. When you have overcome that deep unwated, usless feeling within yourself (and to be frank, you called yourself worthless, so if your worthless to urself how would u be of worth to anyone else sweety?) then you will be able to roll in the men like -snaps finger- that.

    :lol:

    wishing you all the best,
    Alex.

    PS-sorry if it seems a bit harsh, i mean you all the best.:slight_smile:
     
  8. berileos

    berileos Guest

    I had a similar problem(but my dream solved it for me).You mustn't say you'd be with anyone,because that person might show up and worsen your life even more...I'm alone too,but I wouldn't satisfy with anyone...sometimes it's better to wait for the right one...