Im sure we have all been here. You have a friend that you want to tell you are bi or gay but they are "homophobic" and you worry they will no longer be your friend. well I think hed be my friend but i would be severely downgraded. Sometimes I think they cant help it but should I stay good friends wit him if he wouldn't accept me? ... Again I think its how he was raised, not like hes trying to hurt me you know?
There's no changing who you are -- if your friend can't accept you than that's his problem, not really yours. Maybe if he can't accept the real you, he's not worth being friends with? I know I wouldn't want to be friends with someone I considered a friend who couldn't accept my lifestyle. Hope that helps sum.
I know that it is hard to hear that they aren't worth being your friend, cause you've probably spent a lot of time and are close to this person. But if they are actually homophobic you should let them go. It's hard for you to be angry with them because you've been their friend for a long time, but if they don't accept you, you have to understand that it's not worth it, cause they would probably only be bringing you down all of the time. It is possible to keep good friends that disagree with you on things, but if you are the direct target of what they do not like then it is probably a good idea to break away. The important thing is to let them go though, even though letting a really good friend go is hard.
hmm... that's an issue... but i think Gerry's got the right idea. If he can't accept you for who you are, then is he really a friend? I mean, aren't friends 'spose to like you for who you are? It's up to you, but I think you should tell him. If he can't accept you then, well that's his problem. I came out to a homophobe once [I didn't know] and he backstabbed me for it, but we got over it... slowly and now we're sorta aquaintances at best. Yehh, I'm still glad I went for it though=) So go for it, you'll only find out if you do it=)
I agree with you, definitely give your friend a go. I'm in the same situation, ive been friends with by best friend for about 6 years, and its hard for me to even consider coming out to him, as he's a complete homophobe. Once again, its the way he was brought up,but that doesn't change the fact that if he were truly my friend, he would accept me as i am. I guess its easy to say that if he doesn't accept you then you should ditch him, but the thing is, they're your friend, and its hard to let go of someone who is so close to you.
Honestly, if he doesn't accept you, I don't think you CAN stay good friends with him. Staying good friends requires the participation of both parties, and if he won't put in the effort, it won't matter what you do. That said, it almost always IS ignorance that causes homophobia. And the one surefire cure for ignorance is education. And sometimes, we gotta be the ones that do the educating. So if you think you can bring him around, go ahead and give it a go. You might try using some third-person stuff, too. Is there someone else you know who's gay? Can you talk about him first? "I met Fred's new boyfriend - he seems really cool" or "Fred was telling me how much grief he's taking because he's gay". If he starts with the homophobic stuff, start a dialogue about sexuality, keeping yourself out of the equation for now. See where that takes you. Lex
I agree with some of the above. If your friend can not accept you for you who are, then maybe you need to re-examine your relationship with him. As Lex said, friendship requires that you both are a part of it. If he decides that he does not want to be your friend because of your sexual identity, it's really his loss not yours. And I do (again) agree with Lex that often reactions of friends are based on ignorance or wrong assumptions that people have. Talking to your friend about it will allow you to introduce the subject (and in some ways also get you ready for coming out to him) and to educate him about it. It might take a bit of time depending on his views and how strong is beliefs are about homosexuality. A chat like this, might just open his eyes to the fact that we are no different than straight people. Also, when you do come out to him afterwards, the 'education' might allow him to see that you have not changed. You are still the same person that he has spent time with yesterday, the day before and last week. There is no change. Having said this, sometimes though friends who are homophobic (or family members for that matter) do come around to it very quickly and are actually accepting. After everything is said and done, and he distances himself from you, take pride in the fact that you have tried. If he doesn't come around to it, it is his loss. As hard as it might be losing a friend, new friends who will accept you for you will come around. Hope this helps!
i think its a matter of time... maybe at first hell be a bit freaked, but in time hell hopefully realise that you are still the same person he knew and become more accepting?? one of my favorite lines is "i was gay yesterday - you just didn't know about it"...
thx to everyone and leigh I Love that line, I think i am going to use it, jus replace the gay wit bi but yea, Love the quote
