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Timing on coming out more widely/identity when coming out!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Pyromaniac, May 1, 2014.

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  1. Pyromaniac

    Pyromaniac
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    Hey, so I'm a 23 year old guy. I'm out to a few friends as bi, but I was hoping you all could give me some thoughts. I'm struggling with when to come out more widely. I'll try to keep this brief, and really appreciate your thoughts.

    A bit of my backstory: I grew up super-religious, strict parents. Became more exposed in college, experimented with girls, and have had several GFs. Obviously, I'm no longer religious. I label myself "bi" because I have genuine attraction to women, but even when I had GFs, I would fantasize about guys. I didn't start sleeping with/dating guys until around 9 months ago, but it's been super liberating, and it feels really good to express my attraction to guys.

    I'm sometimes struggle with whether I should label myself as "bi" or "gay." I genuinely could date women and am attracted to women; although, in most cases, guys turn me on more and I could see myself very happy with the right guy in the long-term. I'd say my attraction is something like 65-35. So that's why I choose the "bi" label.

    Anyway, I'm at a point now where I'm confident about my identity and sexuality (still struggling with some things, but overall don't feel like this is an experimental phase); I'm sick of hiding suck an important part of my life; who I date shouldn't be a secret. I've come out to a few of my friends who have been super supporting (so supporting!).

    I'm just wondering: if you've come to this point where you're not really having serious questions about same-sex attractions, when and how should I come out more widely? Some people have told me it might not be a good idea, and that it isn't really important or necessary to "come out." But I've felt so good when I've come out, and I hate being closeted by not mentioning anything to anyone. I even want to come out to my parents. I know they won't accept me, and might not talk to me for a long time. But it doesn't matter yet because I do support myself.

    Anyway, sorry for the length, but any advice would be *greatly* appreciated. :icon_bigg
     
    #1 Pyromaniac, May 1, 2014
  2. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Instead of framing it as an announcement - "ladies and gentlemen, I am bisexual. That is all" - I tend to favor a more holistic approach. Act like they already know. So feel free to talk about finding a guy attractive, or about not being sure where to find a boyfriend or girlfriend, or about how the parents would react.

    Lex
     
    #2 Lexington, May 2, 2014
  3. Yossarian

    Yossarian
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    If you want to put yourself out there for dating, you can do the Facebook announcement thing and wait for the news to spread around, then talk about it with anyone who asks. If/when your parents find out about it, you can discuss it with them; you don't have to have an official "coming out" sit down with them if you don't want to, especially since you don't think it will be anything but a hassle session. It doesn't to be a big deal if you don't want it to be.
     
    #3 Yossarian, May 2, 2014
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