*This could be long* For several years now, my mum has had very clear hints that I'm gay. Here are just some of the ones I can think about: * Left Facebook opened (accidentally) and she saw it said that I was in a relationship with another guy * She phoned when I was out drunk one night, (2011!!) and my phone at the time (Blackberry) answered in my pocket, and she heard me talking about things I wanted to do to another guy sexually (HOW MORTIFYING for me!!) * I've gone to Gay Pride festivals * She saw me with a guy one night (at the time, he was my boyfriend) * She found gay porn on the computer (Again, how mortifying? Thank God I have a lap top now) * It's just obvious. Although I'd describe myself as "straight acting" ( I hate that term, but you know what I mean), I've never had a girlfriend (except the stupid ones when you're like...12) and...IDK, it should just be bloody obvious! One night I basically admitted I was gay (this was over a year ago). Although I didn't deny being gay - I didn't admit either? That was a bad night, she was drunk, quite aggressive about it (quote: "I've had nightmares you would be gay") That night ended because I just went up to my room, locked the door, and opened the vodka. Why is she having such a hard time accepting Im gay? I know I haven't told her, but for Christ's sake, its so obvious! Here's some things she's said to me recently, which I feel are anti-gay (the first one I'm listing happened about 20 minutes ago) * I was telling her about my colleagues sister being a lesbian. Her response: "Oh I'm sure he doesn't like that?" * If a gay couple kiss on TV, says "eww" or similar * There was recently an advert on the Radio saying "There's never been a better time to be LGBT..." She made some negative comment about that I won't bore you with the rest. But all of this is coming from a woman with a GAY BEST FRIEND! Yes! My homophobic mother actually has a gay best friend, and goes out drinking with him, and on weekend breaks with him and "the girls" Why is she seemingly so hateful of the fact I'm gay? How the HELL does she expect me to ever come out when she makes those comments? Is this just a "lost cause"? In other words, should I just accept she'll probably not accept me as being gay and just keep it quiet? I think she made an "off the cuff" remark once about not being able to accept it, although I'm not sure if I've just imagined that. SORRY THIS POST IS SO LONG, JUST REALLY NEED ADVICE
WOW THAT'S SUPER MORTIFYING IM SORRY I WOULD'VE DIED Anyway, I'm confused by your mother. O-o How can she have a gay best friend and not accept having a gay son??? Some people I will never understand. You might want to try again, when she's not drunk. Explain your feelings about how you don't understand that she can have a gay friend and not a gay son. (Because really, that's pretty shitty of her.) If she doesn't accept you at first, I think she will eventually. It might take her some time. I hope this helped a little bit. Good luck!
Sorry to hear that she seems to be blind-sighting the idea of you being gay. It also appears that if you consider what she has said previously as a response, they aren't exactly what you were looking for I'm sure. (*hug*) Personally, if this was me. I'd be just getting on with my life. I'm not sure how old you are exactly. But I would just get on with life as an openly gay man. I wouldn't hide it anymore, the signals have been very clear as you said. It's almost as if she doesn't listen the way I'm reading it - quite strange. I'm not sure if she's just in denial and hoping it will just change, but from your post it doesn't sound like she's approached you about this at all. When I say don't hide it, what I mean is things like displaying your 'in a relationship with x' rather than hiding it, as you had set before, but don't be worried about her seeing it. She surely must know deep down. Keep being yourself and hopefully she'll come round to the idea this is who you are.
Oh my god, this kind of thing drives me nuts - my mom is similar, except that she's NOT homophobic and she refuses to accept my homosexuality.
You value your mothers opinion of you and I'm sure she knows you well enough to appreciate that quality in you. That should work heavily in your favor when you tell her. I know this is really hard but you will be SO much better off when you take the step to own this one and simply tell her you are gay. Forget about her homophobic comments, just forgive her for them right now and refuse to let them ever bother you again. You don't judge yourself for being gay and yours is the ONLY opinion here that matters. She sounds like someone who likes to be in control so when you tell her you are gay she is likely to try and take control of the outcome of that conversation. There might be considerable rationalizing on her part. Stand your ground and let her know this is not a change in position you are taking, it's just an explanation. If she ever loved you then she loved her gay son because you have always been gay.
Hi She knows that you are gay. I would say that she is somewhere between the "angry and bargaining" stages of grief. She believes that if she continues to haunt you and call other gays its her last ditch attempt at making or keeping you straight. I think the best way forward is to actually tell her that you have already told her before,but you are gay and there is nothing you or her can do about it.I think that by actually being forced to face the truth could help her to accept it and move on.Hints and boyfriends should have done the trick,but she is shutting all this out and trying every way she can to prevent you ending up gay. Wishing you well,i am quite sure she will accept it with time.
Yeah but it's so annoying - WHY is she still questioning this?! About a month or so ago, she said I should stop working so much. I work for my dad (her ex husband) 45 hours per week (five 9-hour shifts) and as a result, I don't go "out" as much I used to. She said something along the lines of: "If you want a girlfriend...or a boyfriend, you should probably cut down your hours." Like WHY can she not just accept this and move on? Its like I'm a murderer or something to be ashamed of! It's none of her business what I do in the bedroom #Rant ---------- Post added 4th May 2014 at 12:50 AM ---------- PS: I have a terrible feeling me coming out could go terribly wrong...i.e. Move out or something? IDK what to do
