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"Your not gay!"

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Geist, Aug 3, 2008.

  1. Geist

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    I feel so out of place where I live. Like I am the sole anomaly in the society to which I have been unwillingly thrust into. Everyone around me who knows me but I haven't told personally that I am gay is undoubtedly sure that I am straight. I fit in perfectly with all of the straight guys and I enjoy being there friends. And yet the place that I live is almost completely unwilling to accept the slight possibility that a guy like me who has no gay mannerisms and almost completely opposite the stereotype could possibly exist. It is not just the straight people though. In the gay youth group that I am a part of (the only one in the city by the way trust me I've looked) people have actually come up to me and told me how great it is that a straight guy like me is willing to accept gay people for who they are. After correcting them and telling them that actually I am gay they give me look of disbelief and tell me that I am wrong. :confused:

    It doesn't matter what I am do or say. My straight friends doubt that I am gay. My gay friends doubt that I am gay. At one point my ex boyfriend after I told him that I needed to talk to him said that he knew I wasn't gay. I am going out of my mind. Everyone around me tells me that if I am who I act to be then I can't be gay or if I am actually gay then I am just putting on a charade to act more straight.

    At times I feel like I am completely alone on this. Out of everyone I have talked to they tell me that I am the only one even remotely like me. This thought sickens me because it makes me feel so alone in this city. I just wish I had one gay friend who understood at least a little bit of what I am talking about but every single one that I know have always been rejected by the rest of society and say they feel perfectly at home with other gay people. I on the other hand don't really feel like I fit in anywhere. :icon_sad:
     
  2. Wander

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    It feels the same for me a lot of times, but I'm not as social as you and I'm not out to as many people. I break nearly every stereotype there is, so a lot of people aren't too certain when they learn that I'm gay. Convincing them isn't a big issue for me, though, so I've never tried to change myself to act more the part. I just keep on being me, and if people don't believe me because I don't swing my hips, that's their fault for buying into the stereotypes.
     
  3. Lexington

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    Being gay means you like having sex with guys. That's it. That's all. There may be other "clues", but they're all optional.

    I dress in T-shirts and jeans.
    My home is always in disarray.
    I've got a deep voice.
    I've got season tickets to a contact sport.

    But guess what? Me like-y the dick-y. This means I'm gay. End of story.

    If you like-y the dick-y, that's all that counts. You're gay. If your friends - gay or otherwise - don't believe you, that's their problem.

    Lex
     
  4. Geist

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    Well just to clarify I am not unsure about my own sexuality. I know that I am gay and I know what it means to be gay. But I just feel like I am surrounded by people who just have this stubborn idea that a gay person is the stereotype and I am just getting tired of it.

    At one point I actually tried to act more like the other gay people I know but after a short time quickly realized that that wasn't who I am.
     
  5. Lexington

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    I know YOU know. But it seems THEY don't know. And next time anyone gives you any of this "you're not gay" stuff, just say "Look, I like guys. That makes me gay. End of story."

    Lex
     
  6. Alexander

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    I would suggest shocking your friends out of it. If they don't believe you when you tell them you're gay, they might need a little more.

    Tell them outright you like sucking dick or buttsex. :grin:
     
  7. Geist

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    lol that might be a bit much. However the idea of shocking them out of it could work.
     
  8. unouxx3me

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    One of my good friends who is gay gets the same reaction. It doesn't matter what THEY believe of your sexuality, it is what you know and feel that matters. Forget them, you're atypical...no one is meant to be fit the stereotypes. I don't fit into any of those stereotypes, who cares? Be you, and be proud!
     
  9. Derek the Wolf

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    Don't do anything like try to prove to them that you're gay. If they don't believe you, that's there problem. You are who you are, and what they think isn't going to change it. I would not recommend trying to "shock them" out of it, because waking up to the realisation that you're gay after you told them and they didn't believe you is going to make them feel stunned and angry, and you'll probably lose your friends. Let them think of you what they want to think of you, but maintain your personal identity of who YOU are, and don't change for them. Don't try to "act gay." Like Lex said, being gay doesn't necessarily mean you have to act like a stereotypical gay guy. I know I don't. I like guns, martial arts, football, and listen to death metal. Your non-sexual actions have no bearing on your sexuality.
    I probably coulda said that in half the space. Kinda ranted for a while. Oh well, hope this helps!
     
  10. Sapphist

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    I know what you're going through.
    lots of people dont think im a lesbian because i dont fit the butch steriotype.changing yourself to try and fit it doesnt work-trust me i'd know. the only way to prove gayness is to use time as your weapon.usually the longer you're out the more believeable it becomes-and by the time your commitment ceremony/wedding comes along they'll be convinced. how long have you been out?
     
  11. Geist

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    well I would say I came out to all of my friends about 3 months ago. So its still very fresh information considering I have been friends with most of these people for almost 10 years now.
     
  12. kramer362

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    Challenge one of your male friend to a game of gay chicken.

    But seriously, maybe try being more assertive about it? If anyone challenges your gayness, tell them you think you'd know what gives you an erection. Or you could pick a friend to tell that you don't believe he's actually straight, to see how he likes it.
     
  13. Mirko

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    Hi there! Don't let it bother you that much. It doesn't really matter what people think about you as long as you know who you are, and have accepted it for yourself and are yourself. That is what counts.

    Having said that, it sounds to me that perhaps there is denial among your friends. Talk to them. You could tell them, and as Lex mentioned, that "I am gay. End of story." You could perhaps even take it further and say "This is who I am. I am happy with it. We are all different, it doesn't matter if we are straight, gay, bi or transgender. We are all unique individuals. Accept it." And see what they say. However, I am on the side with Derek when it comes to "shocking them out of it." I don't think it is a good idea. I think it is important that you get the message across, but in a way that you still have the friendships at the end of the day.

    You also mentioned that you feel that people don't seem to understand you. What might help: maybe try joining a GLBT group at school or within in your community (if you haven't yet). I am sure you would find some people who will actually 'get it' and be able to provide you support and it might also help you to feel included.

    Hope this helps!
     
  14. Geist

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    Well I have already joined a GLBT group but unfortunately I received just as much doubt towards my sexuality from them as I did from my friends. In fact I feel even more like an outcast there then I do when I am hanging with some of my friends who view me as just being confused or think that I have been somehow tricked into a sinful lifestyle.
     
  15. jony8472

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    Yeah, it's stereotypes. They suck. But you know what, don't lose yourself in it. No matter what anyone says, stay true to who you are. From what I understand your friends would accept you for who you are, so that's not the issue, you just gotta make 'em know=)

    Sorry, I don't know if this really did much, but I tried=)
     
  16. limepink

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    My friends don't go to the same extremes, but I always get "you don't look lesbian" because I am pretty girly. My hair is done almost every day, and I know how to put on makeup and do so. Ballet is just about my life.

    People always tell me that I'm too young to know for sure, so I tell them that in that case they don't know they are straight, which throws them off.

    Also I talk about guys a little too much. I still like guys (a lot more than I tell people I do - I say I'm totally lesbian, which is a lie, but it makes it easier). But I make sure to talk about girls a thoroughly awkward amount when I'm around people who don't believe me.
     
  17. Steve

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    why not show them some gay porn magazines ^^
     
  18. ElizabethAnne

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    There is a stereotypical "lesbian" look too, and I don't fit into it. I like long earrings. I like wearing skirts. I like makeup. I don't drive a pickup or wear plaid or have a gravelly voice. But I also like girls.

    It sucks that you don't feel accepted for who you are, and it's really difficult to not fit into what other people think you should be! However, I think that's kind of all of our missions - to break the stereotypes and make people see that being gay doesn't mean that we have to fit into these stereotypes. We are still unique people, and that's what's so gorgeous about us.
     
  19. Sam

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    It drives me insane when people don't believe someone is gay unless they fit a stereotype. I mean I don't fit the stereotype I'm not girly but I certainly don't fit the stereotype and at the risk of offending someone on here I won't list them but I'm sure you know what a stereotypical lesbian looks like (sorry everybody!).

    Get one of your gay friends to go along with you and stand in front of your friends and place a huge kiss on your friend and say "is that proof enough for you or do I have to do something else" I guarantee they will say NO thats ok we believe you. Lol seriously I don't know I would just say ignore them because one of these days you will have proof. What does it matter what people think?