So, I want to come out, but is it a good idea?? Help please!

So I'm kind of starting to become more sure of my sexuality, mostly, although I'm not sure my head is accepting it as much as I thought it would. And basically, I'm really tired of lying and hiding etc.

I've told my sister and best friend that I might not exactly be straight, and now I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual, but not 100%. I'm a little messed up in the getting close to people department, so it's tricky. I've tried to broach the subject with my best friend to kind of update her as we haven't exactly talked about it much, but I can't seem to get on topic. And my sister has so much going on atm, I'll have to wait til she's dealt with all her stress and stuff. It feels like I have to make this huge announcement, but I don't want it to be a big deal I feel kind of sick with nerves just thinking of it.

I've got a pretty cool family and set of friends, so most of them would react fine to it (my mum regularly reassured my sister and I that she'd be okay if we were gay!!!) but I'm not sure it's a good idea, if I'm not 100% sure. The problem is I'm sick of living a lie, even if it turns out I'm not. I hate secrets. Also, if more of my friends knew, then they might even be able to help me.

Is it a good idea to come out? Even if I'm not 100% sure, and slightly (read quite a bit) uncomfortable with myself?

 

Thanks, for all your advice guys

Yes and no. I think I'm sure that I'm bi, but I'm not sure how I feel about it. Like I haven't accepted myself yet, hence the dilemma...

Well, I might be, I don't really know. My experience is pretty limited, and unlikely to increase without coming out, if I'm honest. potentially it could go either way...or both. it feels pretty complicated, but where I currently stand, I'm bisexual.

I'm really hoping it will...When I told my sister I'm not straight I felt better. But saying I'm not straight (or sure) was easier than saying I'm bi. I'm worried that saying it will be a lie - and the problem starts all over again. I know it's not that unusual to worry this. But I'm still worried my mind is inventing it all - I a bit messed up when it comes to getting romantically close to people anyway, and haven't got a lot to go on...

I'm also worried about people taking me seriously. I feel bad for saying it, but I feel like my best friend (who is also bi) didn't exactly take me seriously. But then again, I feel awkward talking about it. She and I don't exactly have the same approach to attraction.

But i think you're right about living in the here and now though. I'm going to try and face things as they come. I guess there's no point worrying about what may never come to be...

You haven't offended me! I think I'll try and come out properly to my friends, and my sister when she's got less to deal with. I think it will make me feel better - and I like to think they wouldn't judge me if I realised I got it wrong. It would be nice to have the support. I'm glad your friend was so cool about it sounds like a great guy!

That was kind of how I told my sister, but I can't seem to bring it up with her or my best friend without saying "hey! Let's start this conversation about my sexuality! flashing neon sign anyone??". And anytime I do bring it up casually, the conversation moves on before I get a chance to say anything in particular :S But I guess it'll happen when it happens? Could just go for the casual shock factor - no one thinks I might not be straight!! There are even anecdotes to prove it.

So much for living here and now!! How bad is it that I haven't even come out yet, but I'm already going through scenarios in my head on how to come back in? All I can think is that I can always tell them it was just a phase! Which is stupid. Gah! Well, huge respect for those already out. Seriously.

 

Maybe I am over thinking it. I don't know. It's only recently that I've confronted this, and I definitely have denied being gay and said I was straight to certain people while trying to figure it out, because, well you can guess. So I feel like it's assumed now. Established. And I need to correct it How do you do that without making it a big deal???

I'm in a better position to admit it if someone asks now, but I feel like I've missed the boat on it, and I'm living a lie, and it kinda sucks. I don't want to feel like this. I really want to talk it through with my sister but last time I just didn't know what to say, and she has SO much to deal with right now. And my best friend has 2 jobs, and I work her only day off, and her dad has just come out of hospital so we don't get much time together, much less privacy to talk. One of my other close friends is visiting in a few weeks, so I might be able to work up the courage to tell her, but that one's a full blown coming out.

I'm feeling really anxious now. And I don't know if it's because I want to come out or the thought of coming out. I should start yoga or something. This is silly - I'm in a better position than a lot of people coming out, why do I feel like this?

 

Okay, WooEEE, that has genuinely made me laugh. And I'm grinning every time I look at it and I don't know why! This has definitely made me feel better!!

@TwinNumber2 telling my mum is difficult as I rarely have time alone with her, let alone time to work up the courage! There's always either my step dad around or 2 year old sister demanding attention, so we never get to talk, and when we do it's just an odd hour :/ I might not tell her unless there's something in particular to tell, or if it comes up at a convenient time as I'm not ready for my step dad to know and would feel kind of bad asking her to keep secrets from him, particularly something this huge.

I'm gonna try. Next opportunity I get with someone. Every time I get too anxious I'm gonna look at that picture now! Deep breaths. Wow, nerves setting in already! Haha. This is gonna be weird...