I've always hung out with the more tomboyish girls, the really really fem guys, and then the straightest guys. So this wouldn't be a problem except... Instead of these groups working together and being harmonius, they all clash horribly. They just can't tolerate each other. This always is a problem when I want to get together with more than 3 or 4 friends, because everyone seperates into their cliques (in smaller groups it's fine, they mostly get along) but I really like having everyone over. I don't know what to do about this. They tolerate each other for me and a few other non-cliquey people, but it's sometimes awkward. Suggestions?
The inherent problems with cliques is they always conflict with each other. Unless you can get your friends from different groups to get along, you'll never be able to do the large group thing. Try to limit it to small groups. Instead of trying to be friends with everyone, try to get to know one or two people from each group really well, and become closer friends. Once you develop a serious friendship, the barriers of cliques dissolve, and will seem unimportant to both you and them. There's no way to remove the awkwardness of clashing friendships, and you can't force them to like each other. Don't try to force them, cause if they spend time around people they don't like because they like you, then they may come to blame you for having a bad time. Don't get caught in the middle of their little social war.
You can't really force people to interact simply because they share one thing in common (you). I know a couple of my friends aren't big fans of each other, so I try not to invite them around at the same time unless it's a really big gathering, and their avoidance won't be so noticeable. You can try to force the issue by inviting, say, just ONE straight guy, and one femme guy to do something with you. At that point, they won't have "their own kind" to fall back on, and will be forced to interact with either you or the other guest. However, that may make them quite uncomfortable, and more unlikely to simply stop accepting your invites. Best to simply expect them to "break into smaller groups" when you invite them over, and do your best to keep the groups from not getting too exclusionary. Lex
Hmmm... I know what you mean, Alex. My friends come from totally different "types" as well and don't interact. I'd classify them as the main group (really can't describe in one word... they all live in the same village but are very different from eachother... kinda the "middle-class" of high school), the academics (not nerds, they're actually very popular), and the outcasts (who are only comfortable amongst themselves). Anyways, this grouping has never really been a problem for me, but I don't do as many big social things as you. Although they don't come together much, I try to make it a top priority to spend equal time with each. Also, make sure you're being youself, not acting completely differently with the three sets as I've noticed I sometimes do to a certain point. It's also important to note that some people just won't mix no matter what and you shouldn't force it. Realize that they probably haven't become friends for some reason, such as a huge difference in personality, that you don't control or may not even know. I'm sorry I rambled on there, but I guess my advice woul be to keep things in small groups at the moment, but don't neglect anyone in doing so. If you want to try connecting the groups, however, maybe you could invite two or three that you think would get along but don't communicate to do something together. This might make them more comfortable with eachother so that you can eventually do things with bigger groups. I just want to stress again, though, don't be too upset if this doesn't work. Some people just don't get along no matter what the circumstances.
Alex, as much as it sucks, it's quite common. I was part of the "outcasts" that didn't really fit in anywhere, but just kinda mingled together and created our own group. Then throughout the school years, I somehow got involved in some of the popular crowds (Which I STILL haven't figured out, I got called a prep at one point ) Anyways, I would occasionally be hanging out with one friend leaving class, and go to meet up with another friend who was in another group, and that friend would just ditch me when I got there, without saying anything, even when I tried to introduce them. If you talk to them beforehand, ask why they don't want to meet new people or such, that may work, but you just have to know, Cliques will ALWAYS exist, even outside of high school they do. For the week I worked at the retail store I was at, the cliques were quite obvious. The backroom people, the overly worked people, the managers, etc. And none of them ever mingled, as weird as that sounds.
