So I am a 26 year old girl and I'm gay. I only really admitted this to myself last year,I had a boyfriend and I just knew this wasn't for me,he was thinking marriage and I was thinking about girls so i broke it off before things got any more serious...we were only going out a few months he was just quite intense. So since then I've been going out with girls...all my close friends know,a few at work and one of my brothers. The thing is he's gay too,he is 23 and came out to us when he was 19. It wasn't really any shock,he never had a girlfriend nor had any interest in them. My parents accepted it (as far as he was concerned) straight away. He went back to college and doesn't know that they cried for months and months and how difficult my mum find it having to tell her friends and our extended family. She continuously felt like she had failed as a parent. To this day if somebody was to be homophobic infront of her she wouldn't say anything and she has never asked my brother about his love life. My mum is in her mid 60s and my dad is in his early 70s. And it's not as if the whole gay thing is new to them,we have 4 gay cousins! Anyway...I don't live in the biggest of places and I feel not being out is hindering my chances at having a relationship. Oh and I have recently moved home as I actually could not cope with the coming to terms with being gay thing lol. Anybody any advice on how I am going to tell them?? I do think I will tell my mum on her own but bar that I have no idea :-(
It sounds harsh, but you can't do anything about your parents feelings. They'll feel and think what they feel and think because that's they way they are, not because of the "way" you tell them or when you tell them. A few questions to ask yourself: Will telling your parents later make it easier for them? Will telling your parents separately make easier for you and/or them? Will telling your parents AFTER you find a girlfriend be easier for you and/or them? Are you nervous about them finding out through the grapevine? Do you think either of them have any suspicions about you?
Thanks for your reply. Well my mum has stopped asking me about men but I don't know if that's because she thinks I'm upset about my last relationship...the main reason for telling my mum first is my dad is so had of hearing ill need to be shouting for him to hear lol.i don't know about finding a girlfriend first as even when I've been dating girls I have been cautious when we are out about people seeing us and it getting back to my parents which would hurt them more. Also it probably isn't fair on the girl to be "a secret" as such...
Oh ok. Well, being prepared is key. Kind of like going for a job interview. Make sure you know who you are and why you're telling them. Make sure you definitely want them to know. Being direct and using simple language is often the best approach (especially when talking to men). Saying the words "I'm gay" or "I'm a lesbian" is extremely difficult to get past your lips the first time, so maybe practice a bit on your own first - like you always see on those coming out movies. Unfortunately you'll probably need to be prepared for tears and lots and lots of questions and you might need to address some assumptions they've made about why you've "changed your mind" about men. Note that this is coming from a guy that did everything the wrong way lol.
