Okay, for sometime I've been on here trying to soak up the courage from other people's stories on here in hopes to actually have enough courage to come out on my own terms before it gets too late and I cannot enjoy life. Basically my life in the closet and watching my life go by without me being their to enjoy it is like the frog and boiling water. If you put a frog in boiling water, it will react and jump out. But if you put a frog in a pot of cool water and incrementally turn up the heat, the frog will become aware of the water temperature rising but won't do anything till it dies or someone takes it out. I am still in the closet and I know it is effecting my life greatly to the point where I find excuses to not hang out or even talk to people, excuses which I even actually start to believe are valid to have no contact. My social life is suffering to the point I am thinking I am gonna lose friends(new and old) and with that mentality it is obviously gonna happen if you believe it, I never was able to have a decent conversation with anyone face to face or messaging because I know I need to improve myself in order to even deserve friends. Improving myself isn't working on the part that self-help videos and websites are not helping because I know I need to come out to bring out my true self to actually live and learn in my life and enjoy it. I am all for it coming out "accidentally" so it would force me to actually deal with it then and there, but I just cannot bring myself to actually do it. Home isn't actually the best place to do it, I know I won't find much help here. I know my family will mean well, but they are not just the right people I think who will be prepared for me to come out. Parents just don't like gay people, not pure hatred, and I know it wont bother me to hear what they have to say because I know they will just be worried about how I will live in the world which they have a narrow view of. Won't bother me because I am looking to leave the nest, but I just wonder about other people in the outside world will react. I know I just need to come out to have a better understanding of the world and of myself, so I can enjoy the world I want, I want a world where I can be social with friends, go hang out with open-minded and free-spirited people in a city, have friends, though I do not get much of the "social norms" but I know enough and can learn because what keeps me from learning about a new life is simply trying to hide myself locked inside my mind, not letting other see any hint of what I fear to be "gay". I have a great friend who is a lesbian, but I fear we are not talking the same way we used to and that we will drift apart, and including other people I've met through her, but I just feel that my "mask" is repelling her and them slowly away, usually I would feel sorry for myself and wanna leave everyone and just live on my own forever i my closet, grow old, and die alone. I know that this is TOO extreme, but I know it is unreasonable and I am blowing everything out of perspective, that is why I am looking for advice because I do not know many gay people, and the ones I do know, if I ask them about their experience, they will immediately question me and tell everyone I know. (Again, unrealistic of me, everyone won't really care, but I am still in the fear closet) So I am asking for advice from anyone's coming out experience, to give me perspective on this matter. Thanks for reading. Appreciate your input. ---------- Post added 5th May 2014 at 10:40 PM ---------- Forgive the rambling off this post, fore I type on the fly and barely take time to edit it shorter. Sorry.
My advice is simple: "Just do it". You are ready even if you don't want to face the unknown out of fear; nobody does. You don't have to make a noisy declaration, just start going to places where you meet other gay people and act like you are already out, which they will likely assume anyway. If they ask you if you are out, tell them "I am now", and let it go at that. You already have gay friends you know to be gay; they aren't going to harass you for being honest with them; start there, and work your way towards your family as you build your support network of friends. Your fear is understandable, but irrationally out of proportion to reality.
