Hey guys.. Just kind of looking for advice.. this may get a little long, I'm sorry. So brief backstory: I have always been attracted to girls.. but never really acted on it. My family had called me on it before I was fully willing to accept it myself. Throughout high school my mom would ask if I kissed any of my female friends.. My grandmother would ask if I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend.. I didnt date till I was 18 and landed with my first boyfriend for four years. I always felt something was just "off".. After we split I had a couple trysts with men (that from my friends view were fairly attractive individuals) which were very lack luster and then found my current boyfriend. We've only been together a few months but were friends well before. Anyhow, the "off" feeling came back.. I have never been physically attracted to men. Fantasies are women.. during sex I have to imagine females to get into it fully..It was more a mental/personality thing with guys..theyre just really great friends.. I'd try to sleep with them in hopes something more would spark.. I really think my current boyfriend was the save all or end all. If anyone was going to "make it right" it would have been him. He does everything right.. Like sappy movie right, I just can't do it.. I fully came out to my boyfriend a few days ago as lesbian.. he knew going into this I was attracted to women but I was always under the guise that I was bi and just had a strong attraction to females.. so now were kind of at an impasse.. He wants this to work out somehow.. asked if it was just a sexual need to go be with women and I can stay with him on an emotional level.. I really think I'd need more than an occasional fling..But I'm afraid of spreading my wings and finding what's "right" for me and losing what should be a "perfect" scenario.. I just feel broken.. recently when I picture my future as a family setting, I see a female in his place.. And I feel like a jerk.. for getting so close to this guy just to come out and say "Sorry, I actually really dont like dudes.".. he's being so understanding, reassuring me it's not my fault, it wasn't my choice, despite mourning the potential of losing what we have as a romantic relationship. I think that makes it worse. I have no idea what advice I'm really looking for.. I'm just afraid to move on from here because once I do, I know I wont be able to go back..but I dont know if I can survive in "this" lifestyle.. :help:
Welcome to EC. This is a very supportive place. It sounds like you are sure of your sexuality and have just been afraid to accept it and act on it. If you are a lesbian, it will not work out with your bf in the long run. Just read some of the LAter in Life posts and you'll understand. You cant change your sexuality. Be yourself. You deserve happiness. Both you and your bf will be better off in the long run. Hugs to you. It is not an easy journey but it's worth it.
Hey there darling, welcome to EC! You have definetely come to the right place. I read your post and it seems that we have very similiar stories. This scenario is by no means uncommon. And I just want to let you know (as clichéd as this may sound) it DOES get better. Its important to remember that, even though the guy you are dating is "perfect" on paper (atleast by societies standards), it does not mean that he's is perfect for YOU. And from what you told me, he probably never will be. Just look at it this way, if you choose to leave him (which is most advisable), know that you are saving yourself a whole lot of sleepless nights of yeaning for women, and saving him a whole lot of heartache. Either way, I wish you the strength and courage to be who you are meant to be.
