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came out by accident

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ConfusedAtHeart, May 6, 2014.

  1. ConfusedAtHeart

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    I told my mum I was transgender by accident, now I'm in the bathroom crying uncontrollably. I can't take it back and I'm so scared. She said she accepted me, but I will always be her little girl.. I don't know what to do. I have never been so afraid. I can't stop shaking. I need help.
     
  2. Dryad

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    Heeey relax (*hug*)
    How did you do it?
    She took it pretty well, she just has some trouble getting used to it, but she seems quite understanding. :icon_wink
     
  3. Just Jess

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    I don't know about understanding. I know that is the scariest thing to hear, "you will always be my <birth sex>". I think that comes from a misunderstanding though, please do not take it the wrong way. I know she loves you TONS and she wants to do right by you. She just wanted to comfort you even if it felt like the opposite.

    Some of it with people is a little harder to explain. See your mom is not trans. She doesn't know what this feels like to you. What she does know is that trans people have a harder life. So she is scared for you. She also believes a lot of things about sex differences that maybe don't mesh completely with reality.

    This stuff takes time with people. In the mean time, you don't have any secrets any more. You don't have to pretend. You can be you around your mom now, and that is huge.

    You don't have to do anything. You can go at your own pace. It is scary when you get outed instead of coming out when you want to. But this is not a bad thing. If you need to be a boy, everyone from when you were living as a girl needs to be told at some point if you keep them in your life.

    Any of us will help you become the young man you need to be in any way we can. Yesterday you took the first step.

    Please do not give up hope. Some of the people that were my biggest critics when I first started are now my biggest supporters. When I went through the physical changes, and I let myself out around people more, they started to treat me like the real me. I can't guarantee anything with your mom, but I really feel like some day she will be able to treat you like the young man you really are. Just be patient and give her love, and at the same time never be afraid to be you. Whenever you have a choice between running back to being a woman, and running toward being a man, choose running toward your problem. It really is that simple, mother nature takes care of the rest.
     
  4. Stacy in MA

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    (*hug*) I'm so sorry you are scared - please know that there are lots of people here who want to help!

    I think Jess is probably right about your Mum saying that to comfort you rather than as a refusal to see you as male. As a parent, that sounds more like "I will always love you and want to protect you" to me. It is something you say to a child as they grow and become more independent to let them know that even though your relationship has changed, the kind of love and feelings you had for them when they were small will always be inside you - not as a way to suggest that they are not now mature and capable.
     
  5. ConfusedAtHeart

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    My mom was hounding me about it and it just kind of slipped out.. I don't know how to explain. But she is being nice to me and everything. So that's good. Thank you for the words of encouragement. I reallly really appreciate it. ;u;