Hey guys, so I've gotten some really good advice on here over the last few weeks and really appreciate your support. I had a couple of questions. I want to come out as bi to my very conservative/religious parents, but I'm not sure when to do it. We live really far from each other, and they're coming to visit me in a few weeks; I'm not sure if I should tell them before/during their trip, or wait till afterwards. Also, I'm not sure if I should wait until I'm in a serious relationship with a guy and the information becomes relevant. I want to come out more widely because LGBTQ rights are really important to me, and I feel that me coming out more widely would be helpful to some of my other friends potentially facing similar issues. Just not sure when/how. Any advice from anyone with strict parents would be great! (Note, I do live on my own/support myself now--I'm 23).
I think you should try to tell them before any relationship, so they don't think you were influenced by that guy. It's probably going to be really awkward to tell them during the trip; you might try telling them before, which allow them to digest things and hopefully get over any immediate anger. Telling them after may be bad because that will mean a long time before you see them in person. Do you have siblings, and do they know? Do you think your parents would be very upset? Is there one parent who seems more accepting?
Thanks, Resu! Really good advice! I never thought about the difficulty of telling them during a relationship. I always thought, being bi, that I wouldn't tell them until I happened to be in a relationship with a guy, when it would be relevant info; and I've been dating guys pretty regularly for the last 8 or 9 months. But that's something to think about. But their homophobia right now has really been making me sick and not wanting to talk to them; I don't know how to tell them that their constant criticism of other people's sexuality is also a criticism of me without coming out to them, and that's why it seems more relevant now. I have a sibling. They don't know, although we're not particularly close so I'm not sure if it would be better to tell my parents first. Both of my parents are homophobic, but my mom is a bit more open to the notion (she holds a somewhat awkward "hate the sin/love the sinner" stance on the issue). My dad is generally more chill and laid back, but he is far more homophobic. Thanks a lot :icon_bigg
Hi Pyro. Sorry, this probably won't answer your question of "when?", but just want to share my experience in case it contains something that you don't already know. I have a vague frame of reference, so not sure if this will help or not. Here's my experience. Starting with the bisexual side of things. I came out to my Christian friends as bisexual when I was 21 only to realise a couple of months later that I'm actually gay. Somehow the relief of people knowing that I'm "partially different" made me realise that being "partially normal" isn't really that important. Have you come out to anyone else? and if so, what were their reactions? I'm not saying you're really gay, or in denial of your true sexuality or anything like that. Just make sure that you're absolutely certain that you're bi, so you don't have to come out twice (like I did). In my experience, most straight people's understanding of bisexuality (especially in men) is even more messed up than their understanding of gay people. I think there's a fair chance they'll think you're "confused". Also be prepared to answer the question "If you have the choice to be with a woman and be normal, why don't you choose that?" Moving onto the Christian side of things. It might start a debate with them, but make sure you find the passages, stories and philosophies in the Bible that support men with men / women with women. A quick google search should yield many results. Peace be with you.
