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When does that "aha!" moment come to you when you step out of the closet?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by confuseduser99, May 7, 2014.

  1. confuseduser99

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    When does that sudden rush of acceptance kick in? I'm still in the self-denial stage, but from an intellectual/objective point of view, I know that I'm pretty gay. I just want to get this all over with and live a happy life. Will I ever accept myself? How long does it take to transition from "I know I'm gay, but let's just sit in the closet" to "I am gay, and I accept it"? Being in the closet really takes a toll on one's mental health and social life!
     
  2. BookDragon

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    First off, you can do yourself a MASSIVE favour right away, by understanding one thing you seem to have over-looked!

    There is a big difference between self acceptance and being ready for the world to know!

    You say you're in the self denial stage but you're sitting here telling me you know you are 'pretty gay'. You are asking us how long it will be before you can be OK with the world knowing and you are complaining about being in the closet.

    Honestly, it sounds to me like you accepted the HELL out of it.

    Don't get me wrong their might be lingering doubts and the occasional feeling that you wish it wasn't like that, but you basically sound like you've come right to terms with it...

    Thing is, what you want is to be in a place where you can tell yourself "I'm gay, I accept it AND SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE", because ultimately that's what the closet is. It's our fear that someone, somewhere is going to take this news badly.

    That mindset doesn't exist, I mean you CAN get there but it's a lie. Not everyone is going to be OK with it, but that doesn't matter. You don't have to do it all at once...find someone you trust who you think will take it well and consider telling them about it. Take the closet door off bit by bit.
     
  3. Yossarian

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    Look at yourself in the bathroom mirror and say "I am gay and it is OK", over and over again until you really do realize it is OK. Once you have accepted that it is OK, because it is reality and you can't change reality, then you have accepted it, and can get on with making yourself happy. You aren't going to be happy as long as you are in the denial-of-reality stage.

    Once you are out of that stage, you can move on to deciding how you want to meet people and establish relationships with other gay people that make you happy to be open and comfortable with them.
     
  4. confuseduser99

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    I think you maybe right. I mean, I'm pretty sure that I'm gay, but it haven't accepted it as fact yet. That's what I'm wondering about. Is there a stage where you know you're gay, but you don't fully accept it? That's where I feel where I am right now.
     
  5. silk

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    I can't add anything to these guys, just wanted to put this here:
    the moment I started thinking about it till excepting that I'm gay: 2 months
    time till first person told: 2 weeks
    time till everyone could know: 2.5 months
    during those 2.5 months a total of 5 people knew

    Also: I've been running with the thought of: I may be gay for like 3-4 years. I just didn't know it was more: well maybe, but I wasn't looking for an answer and didn't care then. But then of course I grew up, and wanted to know, just browsing these forums and doing tests like: now, what do I actually think of girls, what do I actually think of boys? They learned me that I just didn't find females interesting, but boys, loved them. So I did that 2 months, and than excepted it.
     
    #5 silk, May 8, 2014
    Last edited: May 8, 2014
  6. sldanlm

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    Very true. I accepted liking girls a long time ago, but I'm not quite ready for a court battle over a job that I've invested a lot of time in just yet. Where I live, my employer has the right to fire me for being bi or lesbian. Meanwhile I have the right to remain silent. :frowning2:

    Despite this, it's not as bad for me as it is for a fiend of mine. Her family and her husbands family have scared her into thinking they'll kill her if she comes out.
     
  7. confuseduser99

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    I just don't know what to feel right now. It's really irritating me since I like to stand firm on my beliefs and my personality. This is the one facet of my life that I'm insecure of, and I hate it. It feels like a spirit is living within me, and I'm not letting it come out. I ignore it, pretend it isn't there, and hope that it eventually goes away. Now I'm starting to realize that it probably isn't going anywhere.
     
  8. sldanlm

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    I think so, yes.

    It varies for people. It took me 2 years to realize it, but 3 more years to accept it.

    It certainly can, but the first step is self acceptance. If you can't convince yourself you're less likely to convince others.
     
  9. TurtleCat

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    I keep waiting for that "ah-ha!" moment myself. I wish it'd come already so I could stop agonizing and feeling unsure.
     
  10. Kabuki

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    Me too! It's very agonizing for sure to be on this stage and also mentally draining too. But hey, I'm sure it will come we just need to play our part on this. (*hug*)
     
  11. biggayguy

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    To the OP: That day came for me when I said God made me, I know I'm gay, God loves me anyway. You don't have to come out to millions on TV. Just start with one person. Do it when you feel ready.
     
  12. confuseduser99

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    While I don't have to come out to millions on TV, that's kind of my profession. Won't go into details, but yeah, I'm in the entertainment business. Obviously I don't have to come out to my audience though.