Has anyone gone to a gay night club or bar alone before?

Hi charliedude182,

I've gone to a number of clubs alone and with friends in the past year. If you have not been to a place before, it's better to have an experienced buddy with you. That way you can keep an eye on each other until you become familiar with how the place operates. Smaller gay bars or clubs are less of a problem. I had good luck picking the slow, early evening hours and getting to meet the bartenders. They are usually more than willing to share their knowledge with you. That really helped me as a newbie last year.

 

I just sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. If you run into a cool bartender, he'll introduce you to other singles, at least when business is slow. In fact, I got to know 2 bartenders at the same place and they took me to after hour places I hadn't been to before (or wanted to risk going by myself). I've also met all 3 of my boyfriends at this place.

You've just got to find a gay buddy that is willing to show you around. You'd be surprised how helpful people will be in introducing you to the local scene. Our local GLBT association even offers introductory tours of the night spots for youngsters and newbies. I'm just a bit too old for that. Our city also has a gay web site that even includes cruising areas, upcoming events, you name it. It's mostly in German but you can navigate quite easily.

http://www.magay.de/

Maybe your city has something similar. Good luck with finding a tour buddy!

 

Good question, charliedude182. I went to a gay bar once last summer since I was in the area and wanted to check it out. I was very nervous, it was around 4 PM so only a few regulars were there so I felt quite out of place. I had one beer and left. I like the idea of going there with a friend, but I don't have any gay friends and am not out to my friends.

I like the idea of getting to know the bartender, but what questions should I ask him to gain the knowledge a newbie needs? I have no idea what I don't know or what I should know about the gay bar scene. Do you ask him about people to avoid? What?

 

For charliedude182,

The first few times into the bar, I was a little bit nervous but Alex and Martin made me feel right at home. Once they heard my coming out story, they were anxious to introduce me to the scene. When I think back on it now, these were the first guys I had ever kissed.

At the after hours places, I wasn't nervous, just cautious. The late spots sometimes rip off customers. Knowing a bar owner/tender or local drag queen makes the sailing much smoother:icon_wink . They can also be helpful in getting you in when there are long lines.

As far as conversation goes, we've discussed everything from religion to politics and war. My friend Martin is from Iran. They would also give me the inside scoop on who is single, taken, or those I might do better to avoid. Although they are 29 and 23 respectively, they have both been "around the block" a few times and their advice has been a tremendous help. I return the favor with photos for local gay mags and web sites, or CD collections. They get my mixes and I get to hear my music when I'm at the bar.

A few times, they have introduced me to new guys or just told me some background info if I asked, like "Does he come in often? Is he still with so and so?" You'd be surprised how much you can find out from a cooperative bartender if he knows you won't blab. If I recall correctly, I never told either one that I was looking to hook up. I think it was written all over my face in bold letters.:lol:

 

Did you get his name? Just because you can't date him doesn't mean you can't hang out with him and his boyfriend...

I think it's totally normal to be nervous... you just have to let yourself be as comfortable as possible. But if you're new and on your own, you generally have to make an effort to talk to people and remind yourself that rejection is not personal. Statistically, if you keep talking to people, eventually you'll run into someone you find interesting.

As for what to talk about, weather, sports, books, school, movies, politics, the club itself, "do you think that guy over there is hot?" that kind of chit-chat thing.

This is why lots of people drink--because it lowers their inhibitions and makes them less nervous. Oh yeah... if you let someone buy you a drink, do it intelligently... go with them and make sure you watch the bartender make it. I wouldn't ever let anyone just bring you a random drink. You don't have to be paranoid but it's always good to be sensible and aware/alert.

 

I think the dreaded gay bar is something that is best done with company to be honest. Personally i've not been to a gay bar, reason being that nobody really knows i'm gay and even then only a few close female friends would be likely to accompany me (except they don't know yet). I guess it's something I don't really want to do by myself, but will probably end up doing.

Strange thing is that if i wanted to go for a drink i could call any number of friends who'd be more than willing to come for one. Although if i were to mention "lets go for a drink at the gay bar", I don't think i'd have quite so many some how. Wonderful how the world works!

Thing is that an old mate of mine works in a gay bar, although he doesn't know i'm gay. So might just suprise him one night. Already told him that i'd come see him at the new bar he works at and without letting on to everyone that he was gay he said "not sure it's your type of bar"... how wrong is he

 

Hi charliedude182,

Yes, I'm out to my entire family, my boss, and all of the friends that matter. In some kind of order, here was my coming out story:



http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=453

http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=729

http://emptyclosets.com/blog_297/lorenz-homepage.htm

Just wish everyone had such an easy time of it as I did.

 

No, I've only been to the one bar the one time. I don't think that place would be considered a night club, more of a pool and darts place, but it was early so maybe at night the dancing starts. I'm not into dancing really, but have been "forced" into it by friends at the end of a night of drinking, at straight bars, of course. Maybe I'd be more into it being around guys without shirts! :eusa_danc

 

Yes you'd be surprised what more you're into when that happens... (!)

 

That's too bad but yeah, clubs are often extremely loud. That's what gives you the opportunity to lean REALLY CLOSE to hot guys in order to talk to them. :icon_twis

 

joeyconnick, what bars have you been to in Vancouver, I've been to a couple but can't remember there names.

 

No offense but gay bars scare me. I don't want anyone trying to "pick me up" or someone who I don't know trying to talk to me. Call me wierd but hey...

 

I felt that way as well but if you go with people you know it can be fun, I think it also depends on what you like to do, dance, play pool, pick up.