I'm "officially" Catholic. My partner and I joined "the Church" on Easter in '12. We had our 3 children baptized as well (now 4, but the last one has not been). We've not been to a single Mass since Father's Day of the same year. I've been poking around online, looking at various sites geared toward freethinkers, agnostics and atheists, as I've had a bad taste for religion since childhood. Joining the Church was a last attempt at finding some stability, religiously, and maintaining a degree of "normalcy" (oddly enough, I'm not heteronormative anyway, come to find out!). "Atheist" has just about the same stigma, at last in my locale, as *trans or genderqueer (if people here are even aware that such a thing exists!). The locals are pretty tolerant of LGB people otherwise. But I'm finding that, the more of the philosophical debates and straight-forward logic I read about the absence of a Supreme Being, the more it seems to be accurate to me. I've always been a skeptic in the first place; the philosophical views I read and relate to a lot of my own views have also led me to affirm to myself that I'm an atheist. That being said, my partner is still (outwardly) a believer. I suspect she knows of my nonexistent belief in "God" or even any god, by my simple comments, as when she thanks "God" for me finding something for her. I say "No, it was me," or something How should I tell her that I don't just not believe in "God," but actually believe he does not exist? Btw ... sorry if this is a misplaced thread. It just seems that there are many similar difficulties in coming out *trans or LGB and coming out atheist.:smilewave
Hi Miss Emma, I'm not sure if this will help or not, but I used to have trouble coming out as Christian to my Atheist and Agnostic friends and family (which is most of them). Receiving peer pressure from both sides of the fence to believe what they believe can become overwhelming at times, but in the end - everyone has a choice and the Right to believe whatever they want and to believe what feels right in their hearts. Even in the Church, you'll find that people's philosophies and beliefs vary on just about everything such as who/what God is, who Jesus is/was, which parts of the Bible are relevant today, which ones are symbolic Vs real. Have you ever had a look at a Christian forum? There's more debates there than anything else. In the end, pretty much every one in the world has kind of a "pick and mix" approach to their beliefs. So what to do about the people who really really want you to believe what they believe (be it family, friends or partners)? Accept their choice of belief and expect their acceptance in return. If you truly love each other, then acceptance is at the core. Accept each other exactly the way each other is. Also, be firm in your beliefs, know exactly what you believe and don't believe and try to find out why you believe it. It's difficult to "come out" and have them believe you if you're wishy washy about it. Personally, I now classify just as "spiritual" and have taken what "fits" and "makes sense" from all of the philosophies, faiths, beliefs and spiritualities that I have read and learnt about so far (including some from Richard Dawkins). It's all a life long Journey. Sorry that's a bit all over the place. Hope you find something in there that makes sense. Peace be with you.
If you really feel the need to tell her at all the phrase "I don't believe in god" works pretty well. Why beat around the bush? You had 3 children baptized for crying out loud you are CLEARLY not getting in the way of her belief...
I agree with most of mangotree's comments. Christians differ so much in their views and opinions about God and the fundamentals of the faith. To illustrate the point, you said: How should I tell her that I don't just not believe in "God," but actually believe he does not exist? Is God really a he... or she... or neither? That's just one argument about God (personally, I'm in the neither camp). There are many others, including, does God really exist? Yes, there are some Christians who don't actually believe in a supreme deity (God), but accept the humanity of Jesus and base their beliefs around some of his teachings from The Bible and other manuscripts. To them, the word "God" means something quite different to the traditional concept. It's unlikely you'll hear these arguments in the Catholic Church, but there are some very serious theologians who question many of the central ideas about Christianity, without questioning its place as a great world religion. Of course, you may reject Christianity in its entirety and live very happily as an athiest, but it is possible (I believe) for you to accept some key concepts and remain within Christianity. The conservatives and evangelicals won't like you, but they don't like any new ideas and would rather cling on to an hoplessly outdated position. I don't know if any of these musings help you decide what to do?
I just wanted to pop in and offer my experience in case it helps you. Our backgrounds seem a bit different, but we share the apprehension of coming out to a spouse regarding religious beliefs. I came out as an atheist to my husband 5 years ago. A little of our background: when we met, he was a children's pastor and later became a youth pastor. When I came out to him, he was a part of our church's worship team, we attended prayer meetings, etc. He was (we were) incredibly involved, going to church several times per week. EVERY single one of our friends was a very devout Christian. Seriously, everyone. Before I said it to anyone else, I had to practice on my own. :icon_redf The first time, I whispered "I don't belive in god." Gradually, I got to a confident statement. I know that sounds silly, but it helped me. I was raised that rejecting Jesus was the one and only unforgivable sin....there was no going back. Once I could say it to myself, it was easier to imagine saying it to my husband. At first, he had no idea what to expect and I felt very rejected. He felt as if he didn't know me anymore. It took a few months for our relationship to heal, but as he watched me, lived with me, and had everyday conversations with me, he realized that I am the exact same person I was before and that my ethics did not change one bit. Actually, the only change that happened was that I was actually living my ethics more often because I was very aware that I only have this one life. Once he realized this, he started having trouble taking the kids with him to church. He told me that he couldn't stand the though of them being taught that their mom was going to hell. He started going by himself at that point. But even that was too much. He decided that he didn't even believe that I was going to hell, so if he didn't believe such a basic part of the Bible, how could he believe the rest. He started his own process of religious examination and is currently a solid agnostic. I'm sure your experience will be different, but I know I like to see others' experiences played out to sort of get my head psyched up to do it myself. I hope everything goes well for your family!
