Today's been tough. I was just sitting on the couch watching TV with my dad, and Anderson Cooper was on. He was like "who would have thought he was gay? There are so many gay people now, I don't know what to say." He then jokingly said "what if you came out one day?" I then asked him "what are you saying? What makes you think that? And, yeah, what would you do?" He had this strange face on, like he thought, "HOLY :***:! Could my son actually be gay? He then said "WOW! If MY son was gay.... What can I say? You're going to hell!". That really hit me hard. We then got into a conversation regarding the matter, and eventually said that he could see how gay people are born that way, but doesn't know why God would make them that way. He said that they were maybe born that way because of a family curse, or because it's a tribulation they have to deal with. He definitely sees gays as going to hell. This gay conversation keeps coming up with ALL of my family members. My mom and my sisters have all jokingly brought it up several times before, but my dad has NEVER done this... until now. Maybe they all think that I'm gay. My mom and one of my sisters seem to be more LGBT friendly. My other sister says some silly things, but I think she'd come around if I ever came out. My dad on the other hand, I have no idea what he'd do... This is just so tough! Why does life have to be so hard? Anyone else dealing with a similar problem? :help:
How family feels on issues like this always hits hard. Happens to me all the time. I get told if the subject gets brought up some of the same things you have heard, though my family at the moment thinks I'm a straight ally, but that doesn't stop them to try and tell me I'm wrong, to which I can only say that I don't think I'm wrong. The conversation usually stops there. They may have doubts about my "straightness" but I don't think they believe it or are in denial about it.
(((hugs))) It really hurts to hear people that you love say things that are so hateful towards you without even knowing what they are doing. I grew up with this. Actually, I attribute my getting married to a man mostly to my religious upbringing and family (not that I did it to hide, but I did it because I refused to accept who I was). In my life, it wasn't just assumed that gay=hell. It was spoken out loud by my church, my friends, my family, etc. repeatedly. Your life seems similar. There's not much I can say except I've been there and it gets better. I know that's cliche, but truly when you leave that whole culture behind as an adult (even if you are religious, your friends will change, you'll move out of your family home, etc), you will be able to surround yourself with people who value you and accept all of you. I also think being LGBT can be a bit of a blessing in disguise because it forces many of us to gain a confidence all in ourselves and not in the value that others place on us. It's difficult to get to that point, and it happens slowly, but you'll feel it happen over time. It's a road that is filled with hurt, but it's also an opportunity to empower yourself. I will say that I'm not even out to most family members. I am still scared, so I'm not saying that goes away. But just embarking on the journey of being who I am and unapologetic, and having a community around me that supports that is priceless. Even while in the closet to my family I can feel empowered. I imagine the decision to come out to them will rip open some wounds, but they will heal back again and make me even stronger. Hang in there.
Just goes to show how dangerous Fundamentalist Christianity is. ---------- Post added 9th May 2014 at 11:18 AM ---------- I love this! Well said!
.. he could see how gay people are born that way, but doesn't know why God would make them that way. To me, this is an important point. He clearly accepts God's input, even though he questions why it might be. My response is that it's not for him to question God or pass judgement. If he accepts God's hand in the matter, that should be enough. Who is he to question? He said that they were maybe born that way because of a family curse, or because it's a tribulation they have to deal with. He definitely sees gays as going to hell. This is too ridiculous for words! Where is he getting these strange ideas from and why does he think he can surmise like that? Is he some modern day prophet? It's baseless rubbish and you'd do well to ignore it. Read this article from the Huffington Post, which includes an excerpt from a sermon by former Archbishop of Cape Town, Desmond Tutu: All Are God's Children: On Including Gays and Lesbians in the Church and Society | Desmond Tutu If you want a REAL Christian perspective on homosexuality, this article should inspire and motivate you. Desmond Tutu is a hugely respected Christian leader, theologian and Nobel prize winner who confronted the evil apartheid government in South Africa. To him, homphobia is as bad as apartheid and he said he would rather go to hell than a heaven with a homophobic God. Strong words from a strong and courageous man of God. Do you really think your Dad knows better than Desmond Tutu? You are a precious and loved member of God's creation - that's what Archbishop Tutu is telling you. Take that message on board, rather than your Dad's odd rant about you going to hell.
Thanks for this! (*hug*) It's really hard. I'm also a Christian and a conservative, so you'd imagine how hard this must be for me. Hopefully I can feel more and more empowered about this. I too am split on the religious teachings on homosexuality. One minute I think that surely it must be a sin, and the next minute, I don't believe it (because of the misinterpretation). I can also see the hypocrisy of Christians picking on gays, when the bible clearly condemns many other things. I'm just so torn with myself, let alone, scared and worried about my friends and family.
I know exactly what you mean. I still vividly remember the reasonings I'd have in my head about homosexuality. I didn't even accept myself as gay yet, but I zoned in on that subject and studied it and explored my feelings about what the Bible said and basically, until I came out to myself, I spent the majority of my religious energy on what the Bible had to say about it and how I could reconcile that within myself. It was something I couldn't get past. When I finally did come out to myself, I was still a Christian (though I am not one any longer....my reasoning is entirely unrelated to LGBT issues), and my husband and I sought out an LGBT friendly church, talked with a lot of open and accepting Christians and eventually found some clarity and peace with the whole topic. I also read a few blogs by gay Christians and emailed back and forth with one of them regarding my story. Reaching out like you are doing is a great step toward finding peace about it. I may not believe in god anymore, but I STILL get teared up when I hear the religious lyrics in "Same Love". That's because it's not even a religious issue, it's a self-worth issue. When people say these things, they are attacking our self-worth. You are worth more than their opinions and interpretations. If you are made in God's image, how can that be wrong? The nuances of the Bible are open to interpretation. Being "made in God's image" is not. That's all that should matter.
Remember that the Bible was used to justify racial separation and slavery as well. What is the basis of Christianity? Is it love or is it hate? If your faith causes a set of people to feel bad about themselves because of who they are then it is not following the teachings of Christ imo. Jesus Christ never preached hate against any group of people.
Try not to let it get to you. Fortunately there is absolutely no evidence that hell exists. And let's hope not as any god that would create such a vile place is clearly evil (fortunately, no evidence for him either). Being gay or any other LGBT is just one of the many variations that occur in nature. Remember, as your dad has zero evidence to back up his claim of gays going to hell, you are free to dismiss it out of hand.... Happy days
This is VERY true. I will never denounce my faith, even if/when I fully accept myself for who I am. Jesus is my Lord and Savior. Also, I realized that you're located in the Carribean. Both of my parents are from there, and we both know how anti-LGBT they are down there.
Yeah, homophobia is apart of the culture here in the Caribbean. It's changing though albeit slowly. :icon_bigg
I'm giving you virtual hugs right now For me my parents never had an issue, it's always been sort of obvious from even when I was little I've always been so nervous with girls. But boys never fazed me. I can't say I know exactly what your going through because I truly don't know. I hope your parents conservative/ orthodox Christian values dont get in the way of their love for their son. In your situation I'd recommend waiting until you live on your own or at university before coming out to your parents... But my only real advice is to do what makes you happy. If someone doesn't like it it's their loss.
Thanks (*hug*). I do live on my own, but I'm home with my parents for the summer. In fact, I started dealing with the questioning of my sexuality hardcore about 1 week before I moved back home with them. Talk about timing...
I'm watching the news with my parents (still doing that right now), and they were talking about it being a big week for the LGBT community (Michael Sam, Arkansas court ruling on gay marriage and the cross dresser winning Eurovision). It was SOOOO uncomfortable! My dad was like "this whole world is going crazy". My mom was like "are they just confused? I'd never guess that athlete to be gay. Are they born this wy or are they confused?" She then asked me what I think, and I was cut off by another news story. Ughh.... This is so annoying, especially now that I'm out to my sister. It feels like I'm living a double life.
