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Am I too gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Bookmarked, Aug 5, 2008.

  1. Bookmarked

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    Ignore the title of the thread. It was something I came up with in a fit of pique, because it sounded oh-so-witty. This is going to be about fear, my fear.

    I am not a person that's secure in myself. I'll go through the day with at least three or four little mental doubts about things from my physical appearance to the way that I'm convinced people are staring at me when I eat. I'm in a good place with these, because I don't let them affect my life and I keep them in my head. But there's one thing I'm afraid of, and simply put, it's becoming defined by my sexuality.

    I know that my sexuality is a big part of me, and I know it's normal, but I also know that it's not the whole of me, but I'm terrified that it might get that way to the eyes of others. I see it all the time in the media and in society; you don't see "Mr. X, lawyer, stamp-collector, likes small animals, humanitarian" but instead, you see "Mr. X GAY!!!" or if you read the Sun "Mr. X Queer/Poof!!!". Could it ever end up like that? What if I start to see myself like that?

    Maybe I'm just being unreasonable, but I feel like this is begining to leak into my life as a whole. Until recently, I was in dialogue with another guy my age. Not a relationship, but we used to talk and occasionally flirt casually. But then I broke it off completely, I don't know why, but I'm convinced that it's roots lie in my fear.

    Am I just babbling? Is there some sort of reason I feel this way? How can I make it go away?

    Anyway, thanks for reading. It was good to get it off my chest.
     
  2. berileos

    berileos Guest

    That makes two of us.You haven't completely accepted yourself for who you are.It's one of the biggest problems for asocial people,other words,you are afraid of being alone,that you won't have anyone by your side...It's difficult,but that's why we are here...(*hug*)
     
  3. Lexington

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    I understand your fear, and it's natural. Not just with homosexuals, but with tall people, and attractive people, and people of different races. They get the feeling that their entire life is going to be condensed down into one specific adjective, and that that's all people are ever going to see.

    And yeah, there's a bit of truth in there. To some people, you'll just be "that gay guy", and someone else will be "the hot one", and a third person will be "the goth kid". Some people dismiss people fairly easily. But think about it. What sorts of people are these folks? Obviously not friends - our friends know us as the three-dimensional, complex folks we actually are. These are people out on the fringes (or even further) of our social circle. People we don't know well. And, in many ways, these aren't people really worth getting to know. Even if you were straight, you wouldn't suddenly become "unlabeled". You'd just be stuck with a different label. You'd bet that short kid, or the one with the weird hair, or whatever. And then you're back where you were.

    The thing to remember is this. You can't control what these people think. If they choose to dismiss you because of your sexuality or height or dancing skills, that's totally up to them. But remember - anybody who is gonna put you in a box for your sexuality, will put you in a box for some other reason. It's not worth the effort of trying to hide or change your sexuality to attempt to "not scare them away" - they ain't worth it. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  4. Bookmarked

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    I swear Lex...if I ever say a bad word about you...you can assume I've been bodysnatched and replaced with some sort of alien clone.

    Thanks for the advice. It won't make it better all of a sudden, and I'm going to have to work things through myself, but it helped. You've got a way with explaining things in such a way that they actually make sense. Thank you.
     
  5. Derek the Wolf

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    Don't think of yourself as just "that gay guy," and don't let others see you as that. Your sexuality is a big part of who you are, but it shouldn't be the defining factor of who you are. You as a person are greater than the sum of your parts. If you'e not feeling secure with yourself, you'll never have secure relationships. Find yourself. In your mind get it straight (no pun intended) who you are. THEN you can begin building lasting, serious relationships. Try to be introspective without being antisocial. Hope this helps!
     
  6. cm25

    cm25 Guest

    I am the exact same way I'm always paranoid if you will about what people think about me and I'm glad you posted this because I've never actually thought ofil it as a problem till now and I hate it it gets rily annoying, I know some people above said to just forget about them cuz they're not worth it but it's not that easy for me it's hard to forget bout em!!!