Hello everyone ^^ now that I've made my grand entrance I would like to share some worries I've been having over how/when I come out. Basically, I'm too scared to just go out and announce my sexual preference to the world tomorrow, but I feel like waiting for the right situation will likely mean waiting forever. I want them to know...I need them to know...I just don't feel that they can really know who I am until I tell them. But I'm scared...like, really scared. I'm worried that some of them may be homophobic. I'm worried that telling them will change my relationship with them, and how they act around me. I'm worried that they'll stop trusting me after keeping this a secret for so long. On top of all of this, what terrifies me the most is what they could ask me. What if one or more of them ask if I am, or ever was, attracted to them? I don't even know how I would answer that. I mean, I know the answer...but it shames me. If I lied, would they belive me? And if I tell the truth, would they hate me? I'm at a total loss right now, and will graciously accept any advise you guys have ^^
Well Steam Giant, I think most of us would agree that confiding in a few people who you can trust and are close to would be a good starting place. I'd pick people who you think would be pretty open to the idea and supportive. You don't have to declare it to the rooftop right away! It's fine to take your time. Most people understand how difficult it is and I doubt people would think you're a liar because of it. I never had someone ask me if I was attracted to them when I told them. But you can try honesty. Saying that you aren't attracted to them is easy enough. Saying that you are attracted to them would be hard, but I'd say that you wouldn't have to tell them if you are uncomfortable with what their reaction might be. Good luck in whatever you decide!
Welcome to EC. Trust me, before everyone "comes out" (for some reason, I hate that term), they have all these pessimistic thoughts. People haven't stopped trusting me, most of my friends aren't awkward about it or anything - it just happened. Also - don't feel like you have to announce it to everyone. What works for a lot of people is telling one or two really close friends who you know will keep the information of your sexuality confidential. See what their reaction is - and see how it feels to actually tell someone. What happened for me was that I told a few people, and they were cool with it, and it felt good to tell them. Then I told a few more people, and it was still cool. Then I told my parents and a few more friends, then I became more open about it, just because I began to get used to other people know that I'm gay.
Thanks very, very much for the advise, guys! I'm considering who would be the best to tell...unfortunately, my closest friends are the ones I'm worried are bigoted. They're great people, and I've confided in them before on personal matters, such as depression. However, they seem to support stereotypes pretty frequently, such as gender roles and, of course, when relating to sexual preference. So basically, I'm worried that the first people I tell will react the worst. I could tell the friends I'm not as close to, but I really wouldn't be comfortable doing that. I'm very happy, and lucky to have the friends that I do, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost a single one. Your tale is very reassuring, Ampthejazz ^^ I can only hope that my results are as positive. I guess it's human nature to be afraid of change, but in my position, it feels like I'll be going from one uncomfortable position to another. On one hand, I'm torn up about keeping my sexuality to myself, but I spend time with my friends regularly, and we have a great time. If I come out, I'm afraid that I'll be more comfortable with myself, but my currently stable relationship with my friends will be disturbed.
I actually told a total stranger first and that worked out really well. Of course it helped that he was gay so I knew he wouldn't reject me but it was a totally safe thing to do. Maybe you could find a trustworthy person who you're not too close to? As for being scared, it is scary. But really... well, think ahead. Will you have these friends all your life? You'd be surprised how many people come in and go out of your life... in high school it seems like your whole world is your friends but the world is a hell of a lot bigger than our high school friends. I don't even keep in touch with any of my high school friends--I'm not saying you won't, I'm just trying to point out that in 2, 3, 5, 10 years you might find your life is really different in how it's configured. There is a bigger picture. My personal opinion is that it is far more fulfilling, in the long run, to be free to express who you are than it is to have people who only know you partially and from who you have to hide things. That doesn't mean things won't suck in the short term--they could. But every great thing in life usually comes with some risk and some pain. I would just pick the most trustworthy of your friends and tell them. Make sure you tell them you are afraid of rejection and of things blowing up in your face. However your friends feel about you being gay, if they are friends they should respect your courage. I always try to remind people to explain to the person they're telling that you are telling them BECAUSE you trust them... that you are trying to honour your friendship by letting them in on something about yourself that is fundamental and (until that point) incredibly private. It's a lot harder for people to freak out if they realise you're pouring out your soul to them. And there is NOTHING to be ashamed about in having feelings for a friend. NOTHING. I would go with honesty if you get asked and otherwise not volunteer the info. And I also think that, as a general rule, people respond to things as HUGE DRAMAS or small revelations based in a large part on how you tell them and how you act about the revelation. So if you get asked about having feelings for someone, if it's possible to express it in a non-tortured, relatively light "but I know you don't feel the same way" type of way, then I would go for that--even if that's not entirely how you feel about it. A lot of life isn't about WHAT you say, it's about HOW you say it.
Heh, thanks ^^ I've got this thing about machines. Joey, thank you very, very much for your advice! You have no idea how much it means to me. Well, maybe you do ^^ all of you, thank you very much! You've been very helpful ^^ now, all I need is the courage to reach out to one of them...it's still a very intimidating thought, but I'm going to do it...I'm going to do it soon. Heh, and to think I was planning to come out to everyone at once I'd never have gotten around to that! As soon as I go through with it, I'll let you guys know how it went ^^
As everyone aforementioned its normal to be afraid of something pivotal like this. But when the time's right (and at the risk of sounding hypocritical) I bet you'll do fine
