so i am at the point where i'm feeling ready to come out to my parents. i think that they will be accepting, as they've let me see and gender therapist and my mother said she is there if i want to talk. but, i'm still scared of being rejected or brushed off. my therapist said writing a letter would be good, and gave me a few ideas of what i should say. but, i was hoping to get some opinions from some people on here so, here's my letter. (if there are typos, it's because i just quickly typed it up on my phone) dear mom and dad, i'm sorry that i'm doing this through a letter, and not face to face, but i felt like i could express myself better on paper. i'm sure you've been wondering why i wanted to see a therapist. i'm sorry i haven't wanted to discuss this, and i'm sorry i've kept you in the dark. it's been very hard for me, as it may have been for you. i've come to terms with the fact that i am transgender, meaning that i identify as male, and not the physical female i am. i've struggled with this my entire life. i'm sure you can remember how boyish i was when i was a kid. for as long as i can remember, i haven't felt right as a girl. i suppressed it for a long time, and tried to act like i thought a female should. i've never felt comfortable wearing makeup or doing other girly things, but i tried very hard to make myself like them. pushing myself to be a girl made me feel awkward, uncomfortable, self-conscious anxious, and depressed. i didn't tell you or anyone else that i felt depressed and didn't like myself because i was ashamed, and angry at myself for being unhappy when i had a great family, great friends, good grades, and a life that others would kill for. but lately, as i've come to terms with my identity, i've felt better and have been looking forward to the future more. i'm aware that being transgender will put me in a difficult place. i'm going to face many obstacles and i won't be able to have any sort of "perfect life". but i have a firm belief that i can overcome things that stand in my way, and that the people in my life that are worth keeping around will be accepting. i told [friend] and [other friend], and they were very accepting, which helped me accept myself more, and made me feel better about telling others. [my university] has a wide variety of resources available for transgender people, which has also made me feel more secure. the future still scares me, though. eventually, i would like to live as a boy. but i know that it will be a long time before that can happen. i'm afraid of telling my classmates and teachers, because i don't think that they will be very accepting. so, i won't tell them. that means i can't carry myself as i would like to until after i graduate. however, i would like to transition to living as a male outside of school. there are a lot of steps i can take, socially and medically, but for now i would like to start by presenting myself as and be treated as a boy. most importantly, i would like to be referred to using male pronouns, and maybe a different name. i understand how difficult this is. it's difficult for me too. once you have thought about this, and taken the time you need to process what i've told you (whether it be hours or days or weeks) i'd like to answer any questions you have and talk. i think that not having to live as someone i am not will make me happier, and you happier too, as i will be less moody and less of a brat. i want to assure you that i'm still very much the same -- i'm the same child you've had for 17 years. i still have the same likes and dislikes and interests and hobbies. i'm still thankful that you are my parents and that you've raised me to have the values and morals i have. i'm immensely grateful for you loving me, always being supportive, and allowing me to feel like i can open up to you. i love you. love, your child. thoughts???
Woo another letter to read...I always enjoy reading these... Was going to go through it bit by bit bit actually the first chunk up to this point is excellent so I won't bother. eventually, i would like to live as a boy. but i know that it will be a long time before that can happen. I admit I don't know your story or what your plans are but I would strongly recommend you remove this. Thing is, while it may be true that it will take a long time for you to live as male you don;t want to put anything in here that makes you sound unsure, and with the best will in the world, writing off the possibility for 'a long time' sounds unsure. My mum, for example, has seen me every day since the beginning of last october living as a woman and yesterday she asked me if I was actually serious about the whole thing because I wasn't hounding the doctor about hurrying up my treatment. It's difficult for people to understand the idea of having the wrong gender in the first place but it's even more difficult for them to understand that you can feel so strongly about it and at the same time tolerate it longer. In addition you have two other problems I can see. The first, is that if you tell them while coming out that you can put up with it for a long while then it is just begging them to say "Well you put up with it for this long, so why do you have to change at all?" and secondly...actually I'll address the second after the next quote! i'm afraid of telling my classmates and teachers, because i don't think that they will be very accepting. so, i won't tell them. that means i can't carry myself as i would like to until after i graduate. Thing is, the chances are your parents won't want you to have a really difficult life and so they will more than likely latch on to this idea that other people won't accept you. For example, I know plenty of people who have used the logic "If you can't be out at school, how are you going to handle being out in the REAL world?" There is some truth behind that, but it is up to you/ however, i would like to transition to living as a male outside of school. there are a lot of steps i can take, socially and medically, but for now i would like to start by presenting myself as and be treated as a boy. most importantly, i would like to be referred to using male pronouns, and maybe a different name. Lose the maybe. Maybe sounds like it's optional, you don't want that. This is a good paragraph. It clearly explains what you want to happen. The rest is fine.
the maybe is there because i have a gender-neutral name already, and i haven't decided if i want to change it yet. thanks so much for your help!!!!!! (*hug*)
