So I'm not really your "stereotypical gay person". Despite a few feminine-ish mannerisms like crossing my legs or talking with my hands, I have a lot of masculine traits about me on the outside - I appear straight to most people. I've been told I'm attractive by guys (straight ones, mind you) and girls alike. I also have a reputation as a womanizer for having a lot of female friends - for example, my school frequently hosts dances to which I bring a posse of about 10-15 girls. The guys at my school constantly question why I don't have a girlfriend (which I "justify" by saying it'll distract from my schoolwork) and I confuse them even more by not going for girls at dances. The majority of the girls who go are just out to get some, and a lot of it consists of making out in the middle of the dance floor and grinding, neither of which I'm into. I consistently get a slew of girls coming up to me and telling me I'm a good dancer, and then asking me to make out and I just kind of walk away awkwardly. Even the girls I bring to the dance are a bit confuzzled (except for one who knows I'm into guys). But how long should I keep it up. I feel so guilty hiding it, and I want to get it out. I constantly entertain the thought of letting people know, and I already have it planned in my head how I'm going to come out to the next few people I want to. But should I keep up the act for a little longer until I feel safe, or get it off of my chest? And also, how do you suggest I put off the girls who keep coming up to me (though I'll admit, it's nice to be noticed). Thank you all! (*hug*)
First of all if you don't want to tell anyone then don't. Their slight confusion is on them not you. And if it helps, they don't think about you constantly so it's not like you're doing anything wrong by not telling them. However if you want people to know, tell one girl you feel comfortable with. I've been your age so I know how fast information can travel, many people with hear about it through someone else so you don't need to go through the awkwardness of telling everyone
Come out when you want to, but if you feel uncomfortable, then well, you shouldn't feel uncomfortable.
It's not that I don't want to.. I do. I guess this was more of a vent, haha. My main issue, I guess, is a way to reject the girls in a nice way. I've tried just walking away, or just automatically saying no, but it just seems awkward or mean. In my situation, how would you tell them in a more, I don't know, acceptable manner than just an instant rejection? I don't want to come across as rude or mean. Thank you Mlpguy, I'm going to be meeting up with two of my friends and I'm going to tell them. I won't explicitly tell them to keep it a secret, but I guess it's that I want them to hear straight from the horse's mouth, not finding out through rumors.
On a random aside, is talking with your hands a gay/feminine trait? If so, then that would kind of help explain why some people think I'm gay. I talk a lot with my hands (but I don't think I do the "feminine" hand gestures)...
Sorry to be stereotyping here, but it sounds like your posse (whether they can admit it or not) are your "fag-hags" or "gal-pals". Most gay men have at least one. It sounds like they're in denial about your sexuality. You don't have to come out to them, but on the surface it sounds like they would accept you without a problem. Some of them probably have a thing for you, so might be a little bit heartbroken, but that usually passes. Just a few things to consider. Peace be with you.
You can always say. "I'm flattered" or "I appreciate it, but no thank you" Just be calm and respectful to them and they probably won't mind
Mangotree, I think you might have misread. The girls that have attempted to grind or make out with me are not from the circle of friends I bring to dances, they are just random girls that, due to the overwhelming ratio of girls:guys, find me attractive enough to approach. And none of the girls in my posse are my "fag-hag" or "gal-pal" or so you put it. I do not use them to make me appear straight. They're just my friends that I like to hang out with. And trust me when I say that none of them have a thing for me. Mlpguy, Thanks! I have used that on occasion, or just said "I'm not really into that", but then they give me a weird look and go on this whole "Why? Am I too fat/ugly/nerdy/etc. for you?" shpiel. I guess I could just tell them I'm gay, but that wouldn't be any fun, would it?
Sorry for the misunderstanding. I wasn't insinuating that you were using your posse to make you appear straight (there's another term for that). On the contrary, a big group of friends who are girls - or even just one female best friend - can sometimes make outsiders perceive that you ARE gay. That's just from my experience in high school and after. Your circumstances might be different though and judging by the actions of the girls outside your circle, they either don't see it that way or they're hoping that you're not gay because you're one of the 'nice guys' that 'treats girls right'. As Mipguy said, you can find other terminology to let them down gently (without telling them that you're gay). It'll be good practice for when you get older, when you have to reject guys that you don't fancy. Peace!
