This is not exactly coming out advice but at the same time it is. I guess it mainly just advice that could possibly lead to coming out/find out who i am/what i like? Okay, here is my story. When i was younger i did like a girl and that was a utter disaster, needless to say she didn't like me back in the same way and ended up moving for family reasons. (we were close friends at the time). As i started to notice guys and girls(i noticed girls in practically the same way but not as intense as before), this was also the time i was hitting puberty and all that fun stuff. Noticing guys was somewhat of a surprise for me, just cause i didn't really understand what was going on but id find myself saying to myself that a guy looks cute or whatever. Then high school came around, and freshman year i somewhat liked a girl, and ended up rescuing her from a abusive relationship. Which lead to us starting to date before i really understood how i felt about her fully or my sexuality. so sadly enough i kind of pushed my sexuality away and convinced myself i was straight cause i was with her and i did feel a slightly strong bond. We dated all though high school and currently still are, but recently its been taking a turn for the worse, both of us have been feeling a loss of connection and we've broken up a time or two but always gotten back together. We are both extremely emotionally attached to another but at the same time i have been having these feeling return to me. Notice guys, especially attractive college guys and i find myself daydreaming or thinking about what it would be like to be with one. And i slowly started to notice that i am more emotionally attracted to my girlfriend not really sexually , which physically she looks great but i don't know, which is one of the reason i went searching for a site like this. i do love her, i love her a lot and at times i can't imagine myself without her. But i also feel like i'm cheating myself. Please help P.S. I have a very close friend who i have known for the past 4 years or so and we are super close, he is a little younger than me, but to me age is but a number(to an extent) and he is kind of what i picture as a guy that id be and i am interested in. We've known each other for a while but i am not exactly sure what his orientation is, i know he is straight but i'm pretty sure he is curious if not more. And often i think of myself being with, i'm not sure what to do about mine and his relation. Obviously I'm not going to act upon my feelings because i would never cheat on anyone and because i don't know how he feels or truly how i feel.
Well, I am happy you're trying to grapple with the ethical questions. I think that you very well might be gay or bisexual. I know that you might not want to hear that, but it sounds to me like you're opening up more and more to the possibility. You've questioned enough to come here, so that's a real start. I hope that you can find some solice in the fact that many of us really like being gay or bisexual. Since you're talking about the ethics of the situation, I would take a good hard look at sustainability with your girlfriend. Breaking up more than once and getting back together is a lot. That suggests to me that the two of you don't really have a future, and it's best to realize that and do the ethical thing, which is not to get too invested. My romantic experience isn't enough to know if you could "just be friends" after all that, especially since you and she have both developed profoundly as human beings through that interaction. I think in the end, a commitment to truth will lead to the most happiness down the road for both you and for her.
I'm also in a relationship with a girl and these feelings I'm having for this guy I feel like I'm cheating .
I understand, i feel like i've always kind of known i was bi, or maybe gay. I'm just so scared to end things with her, because of how long we've been together (4 years) i feel like i can't do it without her, but at the same time i also worry about ending it because of her home life, her mom without getting into details is awful and her dad is quite a bit older, 80's, and between health and his strong demands on her, she is going through a very rough time. And so i feel like breaking up with her would push her off the tipping point. As much as, i think it is the right thing to do, i'm scared to do it. We even spoke about taking a break this summer, she even suggested it, stupidly i convinced her not to. Maybe i should wait and see if she brings it up again? or should i sit her down and talk about my curiosity? I dont know what to do and im so scared to think about it and much more scared to actually do it.
Thank you pret for you advice, i do however want some others to post. As right as i think you are, if others agree maybe it'll be a little easier?
you say you have strong Relationship feelings for your Girl but not sexual, if this is the case why not talk to her if the feelings of love are returned which is sounds to me they will be then she may help you deal with this and you both may agree that its best to part. Your freind, tell him the way you feel talk to him about the problems your having in life with your sexuality and confied in him, you may find that it brings you together because that kinda trust into someone is an amazing thing, i have this AMAZING freind who i trust all my feelings two he is not gay or bi but he understands, i did make the mistake one time of thinking it was more but he genrtly put me back in place and that freind ship has turnt out to be the rock in my life and tbh servral times in life i would serously not be here without him and its all as a result of TRUST so try trusting in your freind.
Thanks for the great advice, still unsure what to do but i am combing through all the ideas and trying to really think hard about it
My girlfriend and i Just decided to take a break so that we can both try and grow and find out what we both want, its weird to think that just happened... I dont think i fully feel the full impact yet
I would think you are probably bisexual, or atleast biromantic. If you aren't sexually attracted to your girlfriend, maybe you aren't sexually attracted to any woman.
So far I gather that you may be sexually attracted to women a little bit, emotionally for sure...probably sexually attracted to men and with the right guy emotional attraction. Yes? If you check out hot guys in college...do you check out hot girls too? I think bi is a possibility...or homosexual biromantic. If your younger guy friend and you are really close, and he's not completely homophobic, then I would consider telling him what you're going through. I did that to one other guy friend irl, and he was cool with it (in a sense). I don't regret it though.
Hi K, The good news is that your story is relatively common. Teens (especially gay or bi ones) initially have a difficult time telling the difference between sexual/romantic and social attraction. Many gay guys find themselves identifying with girls socially, and (especially pre-puberty) confusing this with romantic attraction. It often takes some time to sort out. Based on years of experience, and having known hundreds of guys with similar stories, I'd say you are probably gay. Go to Wikipedia and look up "Kinsey Scale." That might help you figure out where you are on the sexual orientation continuum. As to your girl friend, her offer of a hiatus could be for several reasons. Perhaps she senses your uncertainty, has become uncertain of her own feelings, or maybe she's just testing your level of commitment. It's also possible that her family situation leaves her with too little emotional energy to maintain a romantic relationship, and she needs to reduce the load to avoid feeling overwhelmed. One possible solution might be to take an intermediate step backward. Agree to end the "romantic" relationship, and to be there for her as a friend. With the pressure off, you would have space to explore your own sexuality a bit.
I think you are pretty much where I was at your age, only difference is, you have been in a relationship with a girl. Around puberty, I became very aware of other boys and I wondered what to make of it. The feelings grew stronger throughout school and continued afterwards until they were there constantly, like a ticking clock. For a while I tried to deny my feelings and dismissed it as a phase I'd grow out of, but it wasn't a phase and I wasn't growing out of it. Then I entertained the idea that I might be bi, even though I had no real feelings for girls beyond friendship. By the age of 22 I'd exhausted myself with it all and finally accepted I was/am gay. So, yes, you are in roughly the same place as me at 19 with maybe slightly stronger feelings for girls. My advice: put labels aside for now and focus on your feelings. Let your feelings lead you to the answers.
