Turns out my mom doesn't think I'm straight. What she believes, apparently, is close but not the same thing. Me: "Why can't we talk about this?" Mom: "It's not normal to want to talk about your sexuality. I wouldn't just go around telling everyone." Me: "I'm not! I just want to talk to you about it!" Mom: "I would never have wanted to talk to my mom about my sexuality." After a few hours of stony silence, I said, "I just want to be able to talk to you about this. It's okay if you don't believe that I'm lesbian, but you should believe that these feelings - feelings for other girls - they're real, no matter what you want to call it." Mom: "Look, you're still an adolescent in so many ways. And so you're too young to know what your sexuality is yet. I can't see you with a GUY right now, either!" Me: "But I want to be able to talk to you about the feelings and difficulties that happen in any young person's life. I want to be able to come to you with questions." Mom: "Oh, you totally can. I just don't think you're going to be really genuinely sexual until you're about thirty." It's preferable to her believing I'm only ever going to be heterosexual. And it's true - I am, in many ways, younger than most women my age. My adolescence was a mess, so I missed some of those developmental milestones, I think. But come on, Mom: It's not like it took YOU so long to figure out you were straight.
I'm sorry about your mom. My mom is pretty much the same way. She thinks it's a phase or that I hate men. It sucks but give her time. You are more than old enough to know your sexuality. Hang in there
If you get to 30yo and realise that you're straight, then just start dating men... You can only follow your heart in the present moment. The past is a memory and the future is a fantasy. Just a thought... Maybe she feels uncomfortable with talking about it because she doesn't feel like she knows enough to be able to give sound advice. Most adults feel uncomfortable talking about things that they don't understand. I can imagine it would be unsettling as a parent finding out that there's some things that they can't help their child with, even if they want to. Maybe books, documentaries or websites might be an option. Peace be with you.
Wait, you're 21 and still an adolescent? I'm sorry but your mom is living in fantasyland. Truth is, she's just in denial. In the same way it took you time to accept, it's taking her time to accept it. Remember the five stages of loss, denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. I see it as a good sign that she's at least acknowledging the attraction. She just hasn't accepted it yet. That indicates the bargaining stage, which is a very positive step even if it doesn't seem like that. It might be sensible to tell her that that adolescence is generally considered over by 16 or 17
