1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How does one get over an inferiority complex?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mind Freak, Aug 6, 2008.

  1. Mind Freak

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2008
    Messages:
    635
    Likes Received:
    0
    Its seriously putting a damper on my ability to date girls.
    A lot of guys at my school are attractive, nice, smart, athletic, and funny and they always like the same girls I do!

    I don't feel I'm all that good looking or athletic [[definitely not athletic i can barely bench press 70 lbs. lol]] or funny compared to the other guys so I always think "oh they're better than me I shouldn't even bother i'm just going to look like an idiot" if they happen to show interest in a girl I'm interested in.

    I don't know how to get out of this rut!
    Help??

    Also I'm shy when it comes to dating stuff.
    Rejection scares the crap out of me!
     
  2. Wander

    Wander Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2008
    Messages:
    1,909
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Central Alabama
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Personally I think 15 is still young to be dating, but...

    I don't know, I just kind of go with things. I'm guilty of comparing myself to other people sometimes, but usually I tell myself that someone will come along eventually. Anyone I try to date at this age will probably be gone in a few years at the most and will have been a waste of time and effort, so I wait until I meet a person that I KNOW is right and that I KNOW likes me the way I am.
     
  3. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there! Try to boost your confidence and self-esteem a bit. Ask yourself, does it really matter that you are not as athletic as the other guys? I would say, probably not. I am sure that you are smart, nice, funny and have tons of qualities that a lot of girls like. Keep telling yourself that you have great qualities and that you will be able to find someone. Don't short change yourself. I am sure that girls find you attractive.

    Building up some confidence and self-esteem will also help you in getting over your shyness and be perhaps a bit more outgoing. Try to ask a girl that you like if she wants to meet up with you for a movie or for a bite to eat for example. Maybe it is just a matter of getting over the first hurdle of starting a conversation. Give her a chance to get to know you and try to get to know her.

    However, do take it slow. You are only 15. Take your time with dating. Ask yourself what are the chances that a real and/or meaningful relationship will develop? When the other guys are dating, how long do their relationships last?

    Having said this, reading your information that you provided below your avatar, I am wondering if the fact that you haven't come out yet, might have something to do with your shyness and the way you see yourself in relation to your friends. Hiding an important part of us, can lead us to feel differently about ourselves, dating and getting to know another person. Maybe a better approach would be to try to come out to your friends that you trust and who you think will accept you and be supportive of you first. If you feel that you are ready and that this is perhaps a good time to start the coming out process. Think about it if this would be an option for you. If you don't feel ready, don't worry. Take your time. Don't rush it. There is the possibility though that you are trying to do too many things at once, which might also be causing some of the shyness that you are experiencing. Try taking it one step at a time.

    I hope this helps!
     
  4. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I went through the same thing. I thought, sure, I was funny and smart, but I wasn't very attractive, and not athletic at all. So I wasn't ever going to be able to compete with everybody else.

    It ends up my self-assessment wasn't that far off. I did know my strengths and weaknesses fairly well (although, being a teenager, I tended to focus on my weaknesses FAR more than my strengths). My error was in "sizing up the competition", so to speak. I thought they were all smarter, hotter, smoother, funnier, more athletic, and allaround better than I was...and probably better hung, to boot.

    They weren't.

    The thing is - ALL teenagers have self-esteem issues. They all stare at themselves in the mirror, frowning, obsessing.

    If only my muscles were bigger.
    If only my smile didn't look so horrible.
    If only my stomach wasn't so fat.
    If only I didn't have all this acne.
    If only my hair didn't look like this.

    All of them. Every last one of them. They ALL do this.

    I recently found Andrew on myspace. Andrew was our class valedictorian AND the quarterback of the football team AND quite attractive. Not only that, but he wasn't a prick, like you might think - he was always pretty nice to everybody. How's THAT for somebody to give you an inferiority complex? :slight_smile: I struck up a conversation with him (and no, he didn't remember me), and I asked him if he ever obsessed about something when he was back in high school. "Of course,' he said. "I hated my skin - I was always breaknig out. And I thought my smile looked stupid." Yes, even Got-It-All-Together Andrew stared in the mirror and hated what he saw. :slight_smile:

    In short, don't think that everybody in your school totally has it together. They don't. They're ALL looking in the mirror. And hating what they see. The playing field is a lot more level than you might think. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  5. jony8472

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2008
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Mkay, Lex has spoken, and really, nothing I can say can outdo it, so I'm just gonna agree. I'm 15, and when I look in the mirror I hate everything I see (and even when I do get a compliment) I just shake it off.

    But you've got to realise, so, yeh, we always see the worst, and it's good we don't see perfection, because it allows us to push ourselves, but don't see the worst!! See a happy medium.

    And personality... maybe you're not the funniest to that girl, but maybe you'll crack up her friend...
    Everyone's different and everyone likes different things. Just wait for the right person=]