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i want to come out but i feel like no one will believe me/care

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by planetbunny, May 14, 2014.

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  1. planetbunny

    planetbunny
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    hey guys i will try and make this short!

    so when i was at school the only person to come out in the 5 years i was there was totally ostracised and bullied constantly. my dad used to be a vicar and for a year or so i was pretty into all that, going to summer camps and whatnot. from a young age i was super curious about sex (i discovered porn when i was 7...by googling "porn" lol) and i was always obsessed with the top shelf magazines and stuff. i had a sex dream about one of my friends when i was 14 and felt so embarrassed i couldnt look her in the face for ages. my friends always made fun of anyone who wasnt straight.

    since i was 15 i've pretty much always had a boyfriend or at least an emotional attachment to some guy or another until literally the other day when i broke up with my last boyfriend. when i came to uni in 2012 i came out as bi, and my uni friends were so awesome and supportive, many of them being lgbt too. i told some of my close friends at home at new years and i dont think most of them even remembered considering how shocked they were when they found out i'd been on a date with a girl last christmas.

    i never told my family, although i've hinted to my brothers and i mentioned i was dating a girl, alex, to my dad but he never said anything and i'm pretty sure he heard me say "he" not "she". i've been feeling more and more that i've only been getting involved with guys because its all i know and because its easier. even coming out as bi was fairly easy because it meant my straight friends could still relate to me about boys (though i did get a few "so...you've like..had sex with a girl??" *trying and failing to hide their grossed out faces*.

    i'm pretty certain i am gay and its really awesome to feel like the first time in my life i'm not repressing it anymore, and its relieving. but i feel like because i've always had a guy on the go (so to speak lol) my family and my friends from school won't understand or will think it's a phase or for attention or something. its alsocool that i have gay/queer/bi/etc friends at uni to confide in. but i wanted to meet more people like me and expand my network and stuff.

    so basically what i'm asking for is advice on coming out, and getting to terms with being gay and to not feel so alone when i know i'm not. ok that wasn't short, i'm sorry :eusa_doh:
     
    #1 planetbunny, May 14, 2014
  2. Jim1454

    Jim1454
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    Hi there, and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place.

    This will be a little awkward for you, but it is for everyone. Let's face it, we're all assumed to be straight until we come out - no matter how old we are or how many people of the oposite sex we've dated.

    I was married to a woman for 9 years and have two children - and THEN had to come out at work as gay. Awkward! But you do it, so that it's behind you, and you can move on with the rest of your life openly and honestly.

    Good luck!
     
    #2 Jim1454, May 14, 2014
  3. SwimScotty

    SwimScotty
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    Location:
    Central Ohio
    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey hey!
    Just because you dated guys all through your life doesn't mean that you're just doing it for attention. Lots of LGBTQ+ people date the opposite sex at first. Coming out after you've been with guys shouldn't influence people's decision whether or not to believe you. You can always explain it to them after you tell them. It'll definitely be awkward for you, but that's just because people expect you to be straight, like Jim said, until you come out. So I think people will believe you when you if you explain it to them. Best of luck to you!
     
    #3 SwimScotty, May 14, 2014
  4. sldanlm

    sldanlm
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    Location:
    Eastern U.S.A. commuter
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I can totally relate, and so probably can most of the people on here. My sister told me "Ewww, how could you?" when I told her that I had a GF. I asked her in pretty graphic terms how she could do what she does with her husband. Her response was, "Well when you say it that way it just sounds dirty." :lol: It's like everybody's sex is gross except what they like.

    For most people the bolded part is what you'll experience. You might get lucky, but just be prepared for it. The best advice I can give you is when you do come out to them, you pick a time and place that is right for you, have a plan, be prepared for the worst but hope for the best. Self acceptance is the first step, and you've done that. (*hug*)
     
    #4 sldanlm, May 14, 2014
  5. wanderinggirl

    wanderinggirl
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    Best advice I can tell you is find the community! There's gotta be an LGBT group around you. It'll make you feel less isolated and bolder, braver in the face of negative or confused reactions.

    I've had friends think it weird at first and then get used to it; let your friends take a little time and the good ones will stick by your side.
     
    #5 wanderinggirl, May 14, 2014
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