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Developing some unwelcomed feelings towards my friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TheCaringMe, May 15, 2014.

  1. TheCaringMe

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    Hello everyone, I am new at this, but I need some help.

    My friends and I are very close, all of them know I'm gay and all of them are straight. They're very supportive for who I am and I am very happy for that. I've known my friends for quite a long time now and unfortunately some of us have to go on our separate paths. So this is my problem, unfortunately, I have been developing some feelings towards one my straight friend and I know that we will never be together. I know he is just a really close friend and I don't wanna ruin our close friendship. We work together and hang out a lot along with our other friends. Every now and then I tend to feel jealous every time I see him more social around one of our friends (girl) compared to me, I know he is loyal within our friendship circle, which we call a family circle meaning we look at each other though we are brothers and sisters, but there's just times he gives her more privileges compare to me. I know the difference is she is a girl and I am a guy, but I feel jealous every time this happens. My mind tends to make me think they play around whenever they are alone and that just hurts me, a lot. I know the cause of this jealousy is me having some feelings towards him and I don't know what to do to get over him. He is a very close friend of mine, but I don't want to ruin our friendship. Should I tell him how I feel even though I know he has no interest in me? I just want to cure myself from jealousy and get rid of these awful things my mind tends to make.
     
  2. gloomy

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    All I can suggest mate is go out and meet some other people possably who are gay and have other friends to hang out with that may help get your mind off him
     
  3. greatwhale

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    Hi TheCaringMe, welcome to EC!

    How much do you value your friendship, as a friendship?

    This is the only question you need to answer, because, unfortunately, if he knows that you have feelings for him, he may want to distance himself for two reasons:

    1) he will feel uncomfortable

    2) he will want to minimize contact in order to avoid this discomfort and possibly to discourage this feeling in you (although this may have the opposite effect)

    What have you (and him!) to gain from telling him? You pretty much know that he won't reciprocate that feeling for you and there is a great deal of risk that you will lose him as a friend.

    The only antidote is for you to seek someone else whom you know is gay, distraction and preoccupation with another is the best policy...
     
  4. stillhidden

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    I've been in a similar situation before with my straight best friend. I had a crush on him for many years. I eventually *kind of* got over him because I knew it would never happen. Even now though, when he talks with me about girls he's dating, a little jealousy pops up that I try to push down and away. I hate the feeling because I'm really happy that he's with someone and all that. But at the same time.... :confused:

    I don't recommend telling him though unless you suspect he might feel the same way about you (which from what I can tell about your post, he doesn't). It will really do nothing but make your relationship more uncomfortable and awkward.
     
  5. Yossarian

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    You need to move on and find a gay person who can share and return your feelings for him. If you have to tell your friend and have him reject you as a lover in order to make the break, then you may have to risk sacrificing him as a friend, but it would be better for both of you if you can use a bit of reasoning, and just let your infatuation with him go.