Hello, I appreciate all of the posts on this website, and they've given me a lot of advice so far. But, I'm hoping there is someone out there that is a little more familiar with my situation. For the majority of my life, I've always been sexually attracted to girls (I'm talking since pre-school). I've been so attracted, I got married under the spider web on the playground three times, and had a long-term girlfriend for 3 years in high school, who I lost my virginity too. Up until about 18 months ago, I've always been attracted to girls, and girls alone. A number of things have occurred in a short period of time, which may have effected my sexual trend. In a nutshell, my girlfriend and I have broken up, my parents got a divorce, and my mom and I no longer speak. So, after all this occurred, within a few months I began to notice the attractiveness of some of the other male students. Now that I'm in college, the thoughts remain in my head, and I continue to judge not only the attractiveness of females, but males as well; although recently, guys seem to take the floor. I have not told anyone about my feelings, and feel as though I shouldn't until I'm 100% sure who I really am. To complicate matters even further, I have a best friend who I'm somewhat attracted too. Similar to other posts on this forum, I'm very afraid to project my feelings in the open, out of fear of losing my valued friendship. Although he goes on dates with several girls, all he has done is kissed them, without progressing any further; and has never held a relationship. Throughout the rainy days, he's always told me that he's liked me for who I am, and that I should never change for someone else (I've been bullied at work/school because others thought I was gay because of my tendencies). His parents don't like me because he snuck out once to see a movie with me, and they think I'm a bad influence. I wish I could tell him what I'm going through, but we're both conservative and I'm not sure how he would react. Frankly, I can't tell anyone what I'm going through, and I have no idea who I am, now or in the future. I'm open to any thoughts or suggestions.
Hi mate. Sorry to hear your heads a bit spun currently. I know how you feel (if you read the thread i just wrote you can sort of see why. Just a word of advice (although i dont really feel qualified to give it considering im still tryna work my sh*t out myself.) Id be careful about saying anything to your mate before you are sure he wont take things too badly. You don't want to jeopardise your friendship. Heres where im coming from ... I was really good mates with a guy a few years ago. He had a girlfriend and although i was sure he was straight he some times gave me strange messages. One night we went out and ended up going back to his. He was pretty drunk and he kept sitting next to me and making comments which made me second guess whether he was trying to tell me something. I fell asleep and whn i woke up he was sitting next to me again and was just looking at me which freaked me out. Also when we woke up in the morning his girlfriend rang him going mad saying he kept ignoring her calls and then when he answered he said he wanted to split up and that 'he liked me because i had a nice arse'. He tried to play it off as a joke in the morning but it freaked me out and i backed off. Its ended up that we no longer really talk and i feel like a complete twat for it but thats the way i dealt with it at the time. The ironic thing is that now i'm thinking i'm either bisexual or gay so who was i to judge him for potentially liking me. I suppose what i'm trying to say to you is that if you do tell him that you like him he may not react in a way you might hope. It could change the dynamics of your friendship completely. If he's really is close to you and has said things like, never change who you are, he sounds like a really decent lad, and perhaps that he's considered you might be something other than 100% straight. If you were to mention something to him i think you might be better of not mentioning your feelings for him unless you have a strong feeling he might like you. Good luck anyways mate. Try not to let it get you down.
It sounds like you are bi, as you say you are attracted to both genders, probably leaning towards guys. This could be because of fluidity or just some repressed thoughts, but either way that would be my opinion. Do be careful about telling your friend your feelings for him, if you feel you should. Be sure he is accepting - for instance, bring up gay rights issues and see how he reacts. Then, assess how much you think coming out, if it went wrong, would affect your friendship and whether you believe it is worth the risk. Good luck! (*hug*)
For starters, if there's nobody you feel you can confide in for now, do it here. Just being able to put your thoughts in words and sentences will help figuring it out. If your college has safe/affordable/free counselling options, take advantage of them. Don't rush to pick a label. Maybe you're bi. Maybe you "also like guys". Whatever works for you at the moment. You can always upgrade later. Regarding your friend, the universal advice you'll find here is to first tell him you're also into guys (or whatever formula feels natural to you). Give him some time to get used to the new information (remember you've been mulling it over for a while now) before (if) telling him you have feelings for him that go beyond friendship. And seeing it's your first post, welcome to EC. Where are my manners...
