Hi, I recently joined EmptyClosets because I am in a particularly sticky situation and I need help on how to proceed. I go to an all-boys catholic private school and I am in love with my best friend of over 5 years. I realized my true feelings about 3 years ago but only told this person literally 3 days ago, we've been close to each other since he first transferred to my school at 6th grade but we had a bit of a falling out last year. By this time we were hanging out with a group of friends who are all very nice but because of our falling out he started to get closer and closer to one of our friends, lets call him Niall, they're relationship has gotten really close and it would be fair to say that Niall is his new best friend. Now every time I see them together I feel as if my heart is breaking and after months of bottled-up emotions and a certain train ride I finally snapped at him by sending him a text message saying, "You're an asshole." Now obviously I didn't really mean this and regretted what I did and explained everything to him the next day, in order to fully explain this however I had to tell him of my true feelings. I already have friends who I have told that I am bisexual prior to this confession and they all took the news really well but I was worried about how my best friend would feel about it. Along with my confession I also told my best friend that the reason why I sent that message was because I was feeling extremely jealous of Niall, he replied by saying that he had known me far longer than he knew Niall and I was his closest friend and that my confession changes nothing about our relationship. Basically, I got friendzoned HARD but at the time I was okay with this. That very same day however he and Niall went to the local library together and I felt very heartbroken seeing this scene. He told me that our relationship would still be the same but it isn't, I can't look at him anymore because my heart gets broken every time because whenever I see him he is always with Niall. The thing is, Niall is my friend too and so I cannot actually hate him or be jealous of him for very long. If anything my confession only led to causing me more pain than ever before...Basically I get jealous of Niall but I know that I shouldn't be, and so I hate myself and this leads to me hating my friend and his obliviousness. I don't know what to do about this situation anymore, if anybody can give any advice about this it would be much appreciated because I cannot stand feeling like this anymore.:bang:
You have been carrying a torch for your friend for a long time and during that time you have seen your feelings change from mere friendship to love, but it's only been one way and never confronted until the other day. I'm sure you now regret the circumstances in which you had to confront your feelings, but that's passed now and can't be changed, so try not to dwell on it. There is a positive to this, in that your friend reacted kindly to what you told him. After calling him an asshole, I'm sure you realise it could have been far worse. For now, I'd take a step back, breathe and let the dust settle. It will be hard for you, but if you get carried away in all the emotion you are feeling right now, you could make another bad judgement that will damage things. Once the dust has settled and your feelings are in a calmer place, try to organise a one to one chat with your friend to smooth over things and get things back on track. When you really click with someone and enjoy their company (and feel attracted to them too) it can be very difficult to keep your feelings in check and not move emotionally beyond the feelings associated with friendship. On a certain level friendship is about love and respect, but the complication arises when the unchecked feelings move the love and respect to another level and that's what has happened here I'm afraid. I'm sorry you have been hurt by all of this. Although love is what you want, I'm sure you recognise the value of friendship with someone you care about so much. It might not be the ideal for you, right now, but I'd say it's better than not having him around. Setting aside the jealousy will be important to getting things back to where they were so do try very hard with this. Let us know how you get on and if you need to vent some more this is a good place to do just that.
