I'm going to try to make this as short as I possibly can. Also hi! I live in a religious family (freewill baptists) that are absolutely against homosexuality of any caliber. I'm 22, I work, and I'm hoping to leave home this year. The only problem I have is that I'm really close to my grandma (who is homophobic) because she's only ever been good to me and raised me since birth. And I don't want to disappoint her but I know coming out will do just that. I'm pansexual or bisexual, I'm not entirely sure. But I do know that I've liked women since I was 10, and gender just doesn't matter to me romantically or sexually. I like it all, and I'm starting to feel like I'm just living one big lie. And I'm so very tired. I don't want to say adios to my family, but it's going to happen when I come out. And I have no support, I need to make friends with people outside of online...so I need to go back to school. Join a group or something. I've let my own hermitood become my existence for far too long. And I'm tired. I feel so burdened down about losing them that I've never dated or kissed, but I want to. I want to live! And being here...I'm not. But I don't want to hurt my grandma...even if lying to her is hurting me. Lying to myself.. Please help! I'm so depressed that I can't see a good ending for me.
Like you, I live in a religious family. My dad is a pastor at a baptist church and my mum is an active member. I struggle with the same problem as you and I do have nowhere to go to since most of people I know are homophobic. You can probably look up online if there are support groups seeing as which you live in the USA (sadly, there aren't support groups from where I live)it might be easy. Luckily, I did come out to my cousin who lives in Pennsylvania and she completely understood to where I am coming from. Don't ever lose hope. I still think your grandma will accept you no matter what, she will get confused or upset about it but I think deep down she will come to her senses and will love you no matter what. I'm very sorry about your situation, I hope you get through with this.