So maybe more of a rant... :tantrum:But despite having few obvious homophobic comments aimed personally at myself due to the fact I am out to so few people, the place I live seems far more homophobic than I had first realised. You can't seem to go anywhere without some sort of homophobic or ignorant comment being thrown and even though I know they aren't aiming it personally at me I still find it really upsetting. I know there really is no point letting it get to me but it is really hard not to especially when you are with a group of people you are friends with and know well. I can't help but feel really uneasy around people who make these comments and unfortuneatly that includes a lot of people I consider friends. So how do you go about either trying not to get hurt by these comments or encouraging people to stop making them?? For instance today I went out to lunch with one of my friends and we were talking about the olympics. Somehow it got onto the Greek's and my friends says (seriously I might add!!) : "Oh the British are obviously far better than the Greeks. I mean, the Greek's invented Lesbos and Gays!!" Then we saw a feminine guy and she asks me which gender I thought he was, I said it was obviously a guy to which she replied "but the way he used his hands was like a girl would" so I just said "You mean he had effeminate gestures?" and she just says "You mean he's gay?" in just such a rude tone. Just the ignorance that the Greeks "invented" homosexuality, then the steriotyping added to the countless other stupid or just malicious comments is just actually getting me quite angry/upset and solidifying my fear of coming out! :dry:
I know how you feel! The good thing is that none of my friends do this. One of them stopped because I told them that it wasn't a good thing to say (and told them I was gay too). The best thing you can do is to kindly educate them. Don't get them angry, and don't get yourself angry. That doesn't take you anymore. Remember, if you learn to ignore a lot of things that you (and everyone else here) know for a FACT are just ridiculous ignorant comments, then your life will be easier, trust me! I know it can be difficult, but just remember that everyone has their own opinion, whether we agree with them or not. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
Sometimes I find it easier to laugh at how stupid some people are. Just politely correct them, explain that they're missing something, and don't get angry. The levels of hate and intolerance may seem bad, but think of the American south and you'll be reminded of how much worse it could be.
New surprising research also suggests that americans inventing eating, and Canada invented trees. On a more serious note, I, like the posters above me, suggest that a simple explanation of why she is wrong will suffice. If she persists, know that the facts and the humour are on your side.
Again I agree with everyone here that I know what you mean. However make sure you let people know homophobia isn't OK with you and maybe people will start getting the message.
I know exactly what comments, and subsequently how you feel as a reaction, you are talking about. Although I have the benefit of having friends who are extremely accepting and would never say anything ignorant like that (especially in front of me now that they know my orientation), I still see it happen all the time outside of my social circle. My friends still say things like "man, thats super gay." Or, "how gay can you be." I laugh with all of that, and its a genuine laugh - nothing they said is intended on being hurtful, so it really is not hurtful at all. In fact, I enjoy joking around with them. For instance, they know I really like Shia Labeouf. Whenever Transformers or something is on, they all say "we'll go in the other room and leave you alone with Shia." It's fun to joke that way. Now, when someone says something that is not meant in a joking way, such as the Greeks inventing homosexuality, or #$%^ing faggots, or something ignorant like that, I just think of where I am in life, what I have accomplished, and actually pity them. I don't let it bother me. But then again, I have the fortune of those people not being people I consider friends. What I would do is mention, in a friendly, non-confrontational way, how comments like that make you feel. It would be my guess that if they really valued their friendship with you, that they would stop. I know it sounds like a broken record, but if they are really your friend, they will stop making those comments. It may sound odd, and although I cannot support your friend making that comment, I can understand where she is coming from. I think that if you explain your situation to her, you will open her mind a bit further. I hope this helps.
Homophobia is sadly something still culturally accepted. It's the equivalent of racism for us. If you're not ready to come out to your friends, then you have two options. You can either try your best to ignore what they're saying, knowing full well that they don't understand your situation, or you can defend against such attacks and defend homosexuality. You don't have to admit you're gay, but say one of your friends is gay, and you won't stand by and listen to your friends insult homosexuality. That may gain not only their understanding but also their respect. This sadly is a double edged sword as they may begin to identify you as gay, which could result in you incidentally coming out before you're ready. Either way, you're fighting an uphill battle. Good luck with them.
Agreed - homophobia is something like racism. Or it's worse than racism. For me, I deal with it that way: ignore them. they have entitled to their own opinions. their ignorance is their loss, not yours. you live your own life, never mind about these homophobic people. j.m.h.o
I know how you feel. The best thing to do is to try and not let it bother you. I tend to ignore comments like that, as arguing against them may make your sexuality to be known when you're not ready for it to be, especially to the people who make these comments.
I say talk to the friend. They may not realise to what extent you don't like this. Unfortunately, discrimination on grounds of sexual orientation is still too accepted in today's society, and the only way we can change it is by talking about it. Your friend won't change by themselves, unless you tell them. If they laugh it off, then I agree with Leigh, maybe it is time to drop this particular friend.
Homophobia really is a sad sad thing. The best thing to do would be to calmly correct them. My friends have gotten used to me telling them that "gay" doesn't mean "stupid" and that the stereotypes don't mean anything and now refrain from making those comments around me or instantly stop and yell "sorry!" when I look at them after they say something. It's a little bit funny because they are all rather thick in that they have no idea that I'm actually gay? But anyway honey, try not to let it get to you!
I ranted about this on a myspace blog. It's about, three pages of me being pissed off at homophobes. I'm not going to rehash it, because that would take too long. People are ignorant and no matter what you do, you're not going to change the way they are. It's impossible. They are the ones who have to make the change, not you. It sucks that the world we live in is prejudiced against people because of something that doesn't affect everyone else directly. Why do people really care that other people are gay? Why do they care what they do in their bedroom?
