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I don't know how to come out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sam2, May 21, 2014.

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  1. Sam2

    Sam2
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    So I have 3 really close friends and I haven't told them I'm gay. I'm awkward and don't make friends too easily, and since good friends are scarce I'm really nervous to tell them. one in particular loves to say fag, we get in arguments over it's meaning. and its very aggravating. I've told other friends, gotten some good responses and some bad. But I'm still kinda freakin' out. Cause I don't want to lose my best friends but at the same time not gonna stay in the closet any longer. Any advice on how to tell them or anything, would be greatly appreciated.
     
    #1 Sam2, May 21, 2014
  2. Aaron82

    Aaron82 Guest

    If you tell them you're gay and they don't accepted you, they were not real friends.
     
    #2 Aaron82, May 21, 2014
  3. Bane

    Bane
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    It takes time to come out so don't rush it. Only do so when you are ready and prepared to handle the least desired outcome. Plus, if they are real close friends, I'm sure they would understand and think of you no different. Best of luck.
     
    #3 Bane, May 22, 2014
  4. all paths

    all paths
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    I think it just takes the time that it takes, with each individual friend. I wish I had better advice than that. :/ But, like, with your 1 experience at the carnival with Gary, where you ran into that other friend - I think the moment to "do it" will just kind of come up with each friend.

    I think trying to sit down and make a production out of it with a friend is the harder way to do it, although that's probably the way I would have chosen to come out to my best friend if I could have: Just sit her down and tell her.

    But instead I chickened out and kinda texted her. lol (We live long distance from each other, so...it wasn't ideal, but I couldn't take it any more, so there you go.)
     
    #4 all paths, May 22, 2014
  5. mangotree

    mangotree
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    I don't see anything wrong with coming out via text/SMS, it's a legitimate form of communication these days. E-mail or Facebook (IM) works as well. Just keep it simple.

    Peace be with you.
     
    #5 mangotree, May 22, 2014
  6. Chip

    Chip
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    Hi, Sam.

    I agree with most of what's been said here. My guess is, if they are real friends... it might take a bit of adjustment, particularly for the one who says "fag" all the time... but I think you might be surprised. I've known many people who came out to homophobic friends and what ended up happening was the friends realized their views were ignorant and rooted in their own fears, and in the end, they stood with their gay friend.

    The other thing I'd suggest is that you make sure you have a very safe and sober friend ready to be there, and a safe space to retreat to before you tell them, along with a plan on how you'll deal with any difficult feelngs that come up. For someone just coming into his sobriety, and not yet completely comfortable with dealing with unpleasant or difficult feelings... you want to make sure you take steps for yourself so that you aren't tempted to use your normal go-to if the feelings get strong.

    I admire you for wanting to come out and be authentic. That's a big step in your own mental health, your sobriety, and the connection with your friends.
     
    #6 Chip, May 22, 2014
  7. Sam2

    Sam2
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    Yea I'm thinking about telling them 1 at a time. But I really have no idea
    @allpaths texting isn't chickening out at all, as "mangotree" said thats sort of common place to text or email or whatever now a' days.
    @Chip I have a few sober places to stay now, I'd probably just hang out with my bf if it went bad. Being with him always just makes me happy, I forget about all the bs. But I definitely have a good place to go either way.
    Idk when or how I'm going to tell them, with the one who says fag a lot, I'm probably gonna text him. the other two I'll likely tell in person, i don't think they'll care but I didn't think others would care and was quite wrong. so I'll just have to see haha. thanks for the advice :slight_smile:
     
    #7 Sam2, May 22, 2014
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