So...to put this the simplest way I'm transgender (ftm-preop). And when I do cross over i will be gay for the most part. Now the gay part isn't really a big deal because my mom knows that i'm bi already...but everytime i try to bring up the 'transgender' thing...she freaks and refuses to even entertain it...i'm going to be 18 soon so i can do wut feels right for me...but how do i cope with the fact that my mom wont even....consider it?
Well, sometimes we have to do things that are against our parent's wishes. I'm thinking that since she doesn't have a problem with you being bisexual, then it won't be as difficult in the future. You could try to educate her. Just remember that sometimes, things either take time, or won't be accepted by some people ever, and we just have to deal with that Good luck!!!!
Recognize that being transgender is even more rare than being gay. So most people aren't going to understand it at all. (Admittedly, I can't say that I really do either - although I've learned through being gay that you shouldn't have to understand something to be accepting of it.) So your mom likely needs some education and some time to take it all in. What have you done with her around this? Attended PFLAG meetings? Provided her with literature? Gone to counselling together? It's also a rather extreme physical transformation to go through when you're so young. You say that you're 'preop', but what other steps have you taken? Are you starting to live your life as a male? started any kind of hormone therapy? Consulted with a specialist in this area? As a parent, I think I'd take a pretty strong stand on this issue too, unless my daughter and I had gone through the above steps already. So in terms of you coping, I'd just keep it to yourself if you're bound and determined to do this whether your mom understands it or not.
PFLAG has a brochure for transgender people too. Check out the PFLAG publications under support and advice. It might help if you mom saw some programs about transgender people. Do you know anybody else who is transgender? It would probably help her to talk to somebody else too. You need to communicate to your mom why you feel this way, how long you've felt this way, ect. If you believe you were born into the wrong body, then tell her that. I know of kids who have transitioned much earlier than 17 although they can't have the surgery that young but they do take hormones and such. You probably need to find a good doctor too who can determine if you have gender dysphoria. Barbara Walters did an excellent program on transgender children on 20/20. http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=3088298 If you can get ahold of all these things to educate your mom, it should help. However, probably a doctor saying "Yes, he has gender dysphoria" is probably going to be your best bet for convincing her. Good luck! On a side note, I really feel for transgender people. I think it must be hell to grow up thinking you have the wrong body. We should all try to understand it a little better.
ok thank ya'll for all the advice but the problem is my mom won't even alow the word 'transgender' in our house. I couldnt pay her to learn more about it...nd yes with my friends i have gotten them to start treating me as a male. The surgury is a long way off tho. As soon as i get out of this town im going to see a thearapist and get some help...i just can't do it yet. I know its going to be a long road so please don't think i'm just liek 'oooh time for surgury!!' as soon as i turn 18...i understand its a lot more than that
Sometimes you can lead a person to knowledge but you can't make them think. Your mother appears to be in that spot, so no use banging your head against that wall. Simply live as a guy, and if your mother would rather consider you a "tomboy" or "masculine girl", let her. As a famous lion once said, "No reason to argue about noises." Lex
