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Coming out in my mid-twenties

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Geordie, May 23, 2014.

  1. Geordie

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    For as long as I can remember, people have accused me of being gay. I never understood what it was that gave that impression but I for a long time I felt as though I was never really given the opportunity to find out for myself. I spent so long fighting against the assumption that I was gay that I never really stopped to think about whether or not it was actually true. Whether it was friends from school, university housemate or now work colleagues - people felt the need to ask me straight-up whether I'm gay and I just didn't get it. I still don't get it.

    That being said, I have been coming to terms with the probability that I am gay since I have moved to a new city and have been able to branch out on my own a bit more. It probably wasn't until last summer that I really accepted it - I think I'd spent quite a few years trying to tell myself I was straight - despite the fact that on every occasion where I'd gotten remotely close to intimate with a girl, there was simply nothing there.

    I wouldn't countenance the thought that all of these people, these people who had tormented me, knew more about my own sexuality than I do.

    Yet here I am, alone in a new(ish) city and wishing I could start to really get to grips with who I am and what I really want. I fear however that I'm too nervous now to really venture forward. I've few friends in Newcastle besides those I've gained at work and though I've told one or two of them of my situation, I'm not really willing to out myself to the world when I'm still not entirely confident. Newcastle has a gay scene but I don't really have any gay friends to go with. I want to go out to try and find out what I like but I'm a bit nervous about going on my own. Indeed, I'm a lot nervous about that prospect.

    I guess what I really want is someone to talk to who might be able to better understand my situation - whilst the support of my (straight female) friends at work is greatly appreciated, I just wish I had someone around who had been there before to tell me it'll all be fine (naive, I know). My friends tell me that people won't mind and that I should just be willing to put myself out there as who I am - whilst I can rationally see that there's no value in forcing myself into hiding, I'm just a bit scared because I don't know what is on that other side.

    I don't know what I expect in terms of replies to this post, I'm not even sure that I've really asked a question. I'm just tired of always keeping myself to myself and felt this was as safe a place as any to say what I'm thinking. My thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read this, and I'd really appreciate any words of wisdom that folk might have.
     
  2. confuseduser99

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    THIS SOUNDED LIKE ME JUST 1 MONTH AGO! When I first joined EC, I felt the same way. All my life, people have had their suspicions of me that I was gay. Even my own family... (they still do). I never understood it. I would always ignore it and convince myself that I was straight.

    Well, I finally came out to myself just 2 weeks ago, and to my sister just days after. I still haven't experimented and I'm very lonely. I can't give you any advice since I'm in the same boat as you for wanting to explore and have fun. I just hope them when I head back to college for senior year in Spetember, I'll get the chance to FINALLY loosen up and be myself.

    All I can say is that I'm with you in spirit and that I know what it's like! I wish you all the best!
     
  3. Ditz

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    This might sound silly, but I actually made good friends on gay dating apps. Yes there are tons of guys on there who are just looking for a quick roll in the hay, but there's also guys who are just lonely and trying to meet like minded guys to make friends with. I ignored the first lot and started chatting with the second lot, eventually moving over to FB and then meeting them in real life and now I've got a great group of friends. Mind you I also met my bf on there and probably wouldn't have if it wasn't for the app... very glad I did, he is an amazing guy!
     
    #3 Ditz, May 23, 2014
    Last edited: May 23, 2014
  4. confuseduser99

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    HOW???? I get creepy messages. When I try and chat with someone who is "interested" (I initiate the conversation after they say that they're interested in me) they don't respond...
     
  5. Ditz

    Full Member

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    You do get the creepy ones... I contacted the normal looking guys and on my profile I pretty much stated that I wasn't looking for hookups, sex talk or pictures but that I was interested in meeting interesting guys for friendship and I have... Some of them contacted me because of my profile description and others I contacted because they looked interesting or their profile descriptions sounded interesting.

    I don't know if you have a smartphone, if you do there's quite a few apps and it helps to try them all out... But be smart about it, don't share private pics or contact info about yourself with random people and if a guy sounds genuine, first move on to FB and if that seems genuine you could meet for coffee in a public place.