Hey, my name's Jake and I'm new to the forum. So yeah. Anyway, recently I managed to come to the conclusion that I am indeed gay (about 3-6 months ago). I felt so happy when I finally admitted it to myself, because I'd been suppressing it for so long, and it didn't matter that I hadn't told anyone else, the fact that I had told myself was enough for me, and I finally felt like I could do anything, and I knew myself better. But, before long, I realised that if I ever wanted to live my life properly, just me knowing wouldn't be enough. But here's where it gets tricky. I honestly believe that most of my friends would be fine with it, and I think most of my family would, too, but there's just an issue with my dad. He's gay. He left my mum when I was two for a man, and I just think if I came out to him he'd feel like he was the cause of me being gay, too, and it'd just make things so awkward, I honestly don't know what to do. This situation sounds so strange, and I feel like this has never happened to anyone else I honestly don't know whether I should just stick with girls, which I'm like 0.1% attracted to, just to save my dad and my family from the pure awkwardness of it all, or just come out and deal with making my dad feel like crap. Agh, please help? (sorry if this all made no sense, I know I rambled I just feel so conflicted!)
Hi Jake, Welcome! Have you read the book 'The Lost Language of Cranes' by David Leavitt? It's a fiction, but it follows the story of a father and son who are both gay (and their family, friends and lovers in the mix). It might not make you feel better, but it's a good story. I think your Dad (of all people) should know that you can't be "made gay". If you really really really want to tell him, then do it Peace!
Hi Jake, i think the toughest part is done already that YOU accepted yourself being gay. your dad was honest and bold enough to take that decision however it must have been tough for him to do when already married with a kid to look after... i hope this is not the case with you.. if you are not married already to a woman.. then for you life is still not that unfair at it was for your dad at that time... so dont wanna make the same mistake of marrying a girl n then leave her forever. n being gay has nothing to do with your parents being straight or gay or bi for that matter... i hope i made some sense. tk care.
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! Congratulations on coming out to yourself! Glad that you felt happy after doing so! Reading through your post, I wonder if you are making it more than it actually is. I'm pretty sure that your dad knows that him being gay didn't make you gay. You know that going back into the closet and dating girls, isn't the answer. It is quite possible that your dad would feel honored when you share with him that you are gay. Who best to understand how you came to terms with your sexual orientation, and what it must have felt like being able to accept it? When you think about it, you have a dad who can place himself in your shoes when you come out to him. In other words, not a lot of guys who come out to their dads can say "my dad knew exactly what I was going through, and could identify with it." There might be some awkwardness initially when you come out to your family but from the sounds of it, it wouldn't be something that would last. If you feel comfortable coming out to others, maybe try getting your feet wet, by starting to come out to one or two friends, and then slowly take it from there.
Thanks so much! I really appreciate all of your advice. I'm not saying he'd be bad about it, but one time, he said to me "I wouldn't want a faggot for a son!" and he said it jokingly, (he's gay, obviously) but I guess it just put the chills through me. Whenever I see him I constantly try to act as straight as possible and talk about girls. I guess it might not be that bad if I told him, I probably am just looking in to it too much. I suppose when straight parents have straight children that isn't strange for them! :eusa_doh: Thanks again, you really helped me out.
Dactyl, I think you have it all wrong about your dad. He is going to understand exactly how you feel about being gay, and know that it is not something you have chosen any more than he chose it for himself. Your mother may have different feelings, but for a gay man to have a dad who is also gay, it should be a dream come true, even if he wishes that you had an easier time ahead of you finding your soul mate than he did. PS Don't take the "faggot" comments seriously; it is just his way of defusing the potency of the term by making jokes about it. I am sure he is happy that he did get a son from his time in marriage to your mom. We married guys talk about this all the time over in the Later in Life forum, and absolutely no one regrets having the children their marriage made possible, and we couldn't be happier about them whether they are gay or straight. Come out to him, give him a big hug, and tell him that you love him unconditionally, which is all he needs to hear from you to know that he didn't cause you any harm.
