How to come out and dissociate myself from heterosexist assumptions?

I am somewhere towards the gay end of the sexuality spectrum. I know exactly what my sexuality is, but I just don't know what label to put on it without feeling dishonest. I don't want to come out with an odd string of semi- recognised lgbt sub-labels either. either.

I really dislike all the available label options, all feel restrictive and not accurate for myself, I especially strongly feel about any kind of label that could be read in hetero settings as sexually attracted to men. I basically want to come out to dissociate myself from the straight assumptions made about me and that's it.

Queer/lesbian is fine in the sense that it kind of achieves that aim, but I am not sure if it is accurate, homoflexible is also ok, but kind of of mouthful.

Gay is very accurate when it comes to how I feel inside about my sexual and romantic experiences: only truly compatible with the same sex emotionally/sexually, I feel like I am spiritually gay, but this is not completely accurate when it comes to describing my actual attractions.

I used to be kind of demisexual with men and still am close to a guy who was my long-term boyfriend, but it has been asexual for few years now.
In many settings we are still seen as a couple, hence all the presumptions about me liking men. I am somewhere around Kinsey 5: in a relationship the physical side is just not exciting for me with a guy, it lacks some essential elements that I feel I can only get with a woman, like the spiritual part is not there.

I can get strong feelings for a guy as well, but I am not really sure if they actually feel romantic: more like a strong affection/love that you'd feel for somebody who is your best friend, so it neither feels like I am truly biSexual (demisexual, and disinterested in actual sex beyond making-out), nor am I biRomantic, as the feelings I get are more a sibling kind of bond with a guy.

In some settings, especially in settings with straight women there is this tendency to talk about attractive men, and sexual attraction to them, and also to be invited to go out for nights out to straight clubs. I feel profoundly uncomfortable with that.
I went out with them to a salsa night and I just had to leave as soon as I entered the place, I felt so out of place there.
I need to come out to make clear who I am and whom I am not.

I almost never felt sexually attracted to a man in an outright way, it was more in a kind of demisexual way, where the sex was only there to feel more close to him as a person, rather because I was sexually attracted to him, and in the light of my attractions to women I've given up on pursuing any attraction to men, because it does not make sense to me.
I never lusted after a man.

I've started to profoundly feel uncomfortable with heterosexist assumptions and environment I want to come out to kind of put a limit to that.

I want to be able to say that I don't want to join a night out, because I feel uncomfortable in straight environments, because I am not straight.

If I come out as gay, there will be this dreadful thing about 'but you have a boyfriend!', I don't want to have to explain that we were asexual for most of our 10 year on-off relationship while it lasted, it will invalidate that relationship completely, and I don't want to do that.

I was kind of out as somebody who also likes women, but I am not biSexual in terms of actual sexual attractions and taking the label does absolutely nothing to curb heterosexist assumptions about me, it just does not feel right or genuine, and I want OUT of the straight world.


I am a Kinsey 5-PREDOMINANTLY homosexual, and if I ever have attractions to men, they are QUEER, they are not normative, they are mostly mental/asexual and are completely different to your standards kind of attractions to men and completely different to the ones I experience for women.

I really resent being pushed into a remotely heterosexual-shaped box.

If I come out as Queer, which I am inclined to do, then what?

It still feels like an odd, not really comfortable label, and in some places nobody really knows what it means. I'll have to do educating and explaining and I dread it.

I want to come out in a kind of off-and way, more to clarify things, rather than make a big announcement.

EC what is the best course of action here, what do you think?

 

I do tend to split hairs, it is my speciality! Thank you for reading my post and responding to it, it feels a reassuring to be a understood.

(*hug*)