In the fall I'm going to be transferring to an out-of-state school and will be sharing an apartment with at least one other roommate. Basically, I'm worried about how they'll react to the fact that I'm gay, and I don't know how to go about telling them. The school has a roommate finder system through their website, so should I include on my profile that I'm gay? I just don't know if that would be weird or unnecessary, and I'm worried that my overbearing parents would find out if I included it on there (I'm not ready to tell them yet). But at the same time, I'd be worried about how my roommates would react if I told them after we met and moved in. So...yeah, I'm not sure how to go about this. Any advice/ideas? Thanks in advance.
That's a tough one. It might depend on how tolerant the general community is in the area that you're moving to. It also depends on why you want them to know... Are you likely to bring guys back to the room to make out (or more) ? Or is it just an honesty thing? Are you going to be sharing a room or just the apartment? Are you likely to be able to share with a girl rather than a guy? You could just put something in your adv like "gay friendly". I've had mixed experiences with telling the roommate/housemate before and after moving in together. Usually being upfront beforehand has worked out better, if you have to share with a guy, usually they'll end up being gay themselves - would that bother you? Not sure what to do about the parents... I guess if they see it, and you said "gay friendly", you could just say that you yourself are gay friendly / accepting of gay people and you wanted to be inclusive. Something like that. Not sure what else to suggest, sorry. Peace be with you.
All in all, it's up to you if you want your roommates to know. Here's the way I see it: If your roommates want to bring over their significant other, you should be able to bring over your significant other also. You can give them the heads up and be like: "I may bring a guy over something like that" or whatever. Seeing as this would be an apartment and that you'll be roommates for more than nine months (guessing it's a 12-month lease,) I would want to actually come out to them so there would be no surprises.
Hey, sorry for taking so long to respond mangotree: Yeah, I guess the reason I'd want to come out to them is just an honesty thing...and I also want to make sure I don't have a homophobe for a roommate. And the area I'm moving to is pretty gay-friendly. Anyways, thanks for both of your responses, I appreciate it.
I think it would probably be best to come out to potential roommates before moving in, or at the very least make sure that they would be open minded enough to accept you when you decide to tell them. My freshman year I was scared to talk about it beforehand and ended up with a homophobic roommate. You may be thinking a school year isn't that long so it's not that big a deal...a school year is a long time when you are living with someone. Though you did mention an apartment which I imagine would be easier than a dorm like I had. Good luck with the roommates, and good luck on the upcoming school year.
