Ok, so I have known I'm gay for eight months (to the day in fact) Generally I am fine with it... whatever, it doesn't matter and it's not really a big deal. Then there are times when I just have a burning hatred for my homosexuality. I don't want to be like this. I didn't ask to be like this and I want a normal life damn it. I don't feel like this all the time, but when I do it really sucks. What do I do to pull myself back? The thing is that I know the right answers. I know that "I'm wonderful just the way I am" and I "can't change it so I should embrace it" and "there are a lot of great accepting people out there for me" and "once I get older it will really stop mattering" and "give it time and it will work out." But what do I do when the "right" answers, stop helping? What are the answers then?
i was like this when i first started noticing i was bi. i always thought im going to hell.god hates me now. but then i stopped and thought about it. we are this way cuz were born like it. so why would it be wrong? your young right now and the ways of your family might have you thinkin you need to change who you are. when the "right" answers stop helping just wonder to yourself if as a lesbian could you live your life with a guy when it would all be a lie?
You've got the right idea, but there's a bit of a flaw. Lemme rephrase them really quick. I'm wonderful just the way I am. I can't change it so I should embrace it There are a lot of great accepting people out there for me. Once I get older it will really stop mattering. Give it time and it will work out. Do you see the sort of hidden implication in those statements? Think about it. They're all sort of implying "Well, even though I'm a homosexual, I'm still an OK person." "Despite my homosexuality, there will be some people who accept me." All of the statements sort of treat the homosexuality as a bad - or, at the very least, extremely undesirable - condition. Your answers imply that you can somehow "survive" your homosexuality - that you can somehow persevere despite this burden. And I think that's what's holding you back. The thought (be it conscious or unconscious) that homosexuality is an undesireable trait. Let me tell you - being gay kicks so much ass, it ain't even funny. I haven't accepted my homosexuality - I've embraced it. I'm a geek, I'm a music fan, and I'm a big ol' homo - and I love all those aspects of my personality. So I think that's your next step. To start looking at homosexuality, if not as a positive trait, at least as a non-negative one. It's a character trait. The same as your height or your hair color. Being tall isn't a burden, nor is being a redhead. And neither is being homosexual. Yes, there may be a few obstacles put in your way, but they're insignificant in the long run. Now that you've learned to accept your homosexuality, you've gotta start learning to love it. Lex
Hi there! The questions that you have, and wondering about what happens when the right answers stop coming, are normal. They could be linked to internal homophobia. Although you have accepted it and have come out to a person, there is still a part of you that is not entirely comfortable with it. The statements/questions (and as Lex mentioned) implying that homosexuality is something bad, is perhaps reinforcing your internal homophobia, which in turn allows you to have these thoughts and feelings. What might help you in overcoming this, try to tell to yourself that homosexuality is a natural part of you and there is nothing bad about it. You will have a normal life. It will not holding you back from anything that you want to do in your life. In other words, try not to view it as something negative in your life. You have taken the all important first step in accepting it and said to yourself this is who I am. Now you have to start trying to go beyond that and (as Lex mentioned) start embracing it, where the feeling of "I have accepted it, but it is something negative" changes to "I have accepted it, and it is something great, and I am loving it." It will take time, but if you try to see homosexuality in a more positive light rather than as something that you hate, you will be able to get there. Hope this helps!
The Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. It's not easy to do, but it's really the only way to approach life. Accepting that your gay takes time. You're allowed to mourn for the life you though you were going to have and now have to give up - or at least portions that you need to give up. But accepting things as they are and making the best of them is the only way to move forward. Good luck with that. That's what we're all here for!
I remember when I first came to terms with my sexuality, I was so worried and angry. I thought I could try and "fix" myself, like there was anything broken in the first place. However, there are a lot of things I never would have learned or experienced had I tried to make myself straight or "just tough it out". I've seen the other side of things, and I'm a much more open and tolerant person now that I've become comfortable with my sexuality. Try and look at the ways it can benefit you, not harm you.
@Lex. i've been reading a lot of your post and I love your way of thinking...just throwing it out there. @at the O.P, hun it seems that your are at that age where we crave exceptance. From the sounds of it your just being a typical teenage girl who just hasnt excepted her self yet. As lex pointed out your only excused your giving yourself are those that exactly that...excuses. You want to be normal right? Well normal is a very intense word. You should probably stop giving your self excuses or "answers" and go with a flow. Your a lot more normal than some other people out there gay or straight.
I know exactly how you feel. Except I have a burning hatred for my homosexuality every day. I don't want to be like this either and I want a normal life too. But what I've found is that you don't have to like it but things like trying to change your feelings and wishing you could have a normal life only make things worse and usually puts you in a fouler mood. So when these moods happen just be like well even though it sucks it's still there so I might as well get used to it being there. And like you said, in time it should work out.
You're right about all those things you said, it will change as you get older and with time you will learn to accept it so for right now just think to yourself I am just how I was supposed to be and I can't change it and one day I will learn to accept it and just keep the thought that one day I will accept it going through your head when you're having a bad moment.
