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Advice for coming out to friends

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Seige, May 25, 2014.

  1. Seige

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    Ok, so I've known that I'm bi for a while now, and in the last year I've come to realize that I'm also a girl. I'd really like to express myself more, and that's really difficult when I'm forced to act like a general heterosexual male. I need help with coming out though, I don't want to make a big announcement or something, since I'd get way too nervous. I guess I'd like everyone to know, without actually telling more than like 5 people, haha. I just really want people to use the correct pronoun and call me by my name. I'm just really scared and nervous that I'll be ridiculed, and lose most my friends. Thanks for any and all help you have.
     
  2. Bolt35

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    well, it is going to be difficult regardless of who you come out with. friends, not so much, because when one door closes, the other one opens (at least i like to think of it that way). there's a lot of people in this world who will be willing to accept you for who you are and respect you for it. if your friends don't feel the same way and act differently, then they're going to be a negative influence. if you want to keep it within close circle of friends, then you should be able to trust them completely, and have nothing to be afraid of.
    don't ever make yourself uncomfortable doing something you're not okay with, it can take a toll on you quite a lot.
     
  3. Seige

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    I'd like for only a close circle to know, but it'd be easier to be myself constantly if everyone knew. I definitely want to come out publicly, but I'm not sure what the best way to do this would be.
     
  4. kenm

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    Remember in school, word gets around. If it really bothers you about it being public, don't tell anyone yet. Wait a few years until people grow up. Unless you are looking for a relationship or to level with someone, there is no real benefit in coming out unless you feel like you are not acting like yourself. But you can act yourself without explicitly telling anybody.

    I would think your family should be the first to tell. They are much more important. At the end of the day, if you have a best friend who continues to be after school, only those people are important to tell.
     
  5. Seige

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    Actually, my parents are the last people I want to now. I don't care if they find out, but I don't really think they deserve to know. They're super religious, and telling them about my orientation was a mistake, which I'd rather not repeat. I just feel like it'd be easier to function as an "out" individual. I'd know who truly supports me, and I could dress more femininely in public, without being questioned.
     
  6. Kamina

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    Casually put it in conversation. Bring up a trans actress (Laverne Cox??) and how you admire her and how you wish you could dress in a more feminine way and be recognized as a woman the way she is. This will let your close friends know without, hopefully, making a big deal. I need to change my out status as I'm pretty out of the closet now but that was how I first came out to my close friends as gay. I just kinda slipped it into conversation and it went well. I didn't have a problem with a bunch of people finding out until I started telling people when they asked (because I don't do subtle well) but I'm really unpopular and only know a total of 11 people as friends in my graduating class so that could also be part of it. :lol:

    hope that helps!
     
  7. Seige

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    That's ok, I have like, 5 close friends. I think I'll do something along the lines of that. Thanks :slight_smile:
     
  8. Seige

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    Ok, so Update: I came out to my closest friends and a few friends who I knew would accept me. They all were super supportive, and agreed to call me by my name in public and use "she". Should I tell anyone else? I'm going to go to my therapist and talk about my parents with him, but I'm unsure if I should come out to everyone. I guess I could let word spread that I'm a girl. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you so much guys. It felt really good to tell them.