Is this acceptable? I want to tell my parents but when I'm standing there I feel it would be easier to recite war and peace word for word backwards than to say the two words "I'm gay". My dad scares me. Not physically but I know he won't take it well at all. My mom would be more accepting but I really cannot work up the courage to tell her either. I know I could type out a letter that would basically say (this is a copy and paste from a stickey) Mom and Dad.............. I have something very important to tell you. This is very hard and its very scary. I'm really afraid that it might somehow change your feelings for me in some way but I want you to know that I love you very much. I never want to hurt you in any way. I'm telling you this because I love you and I want you to know the truth about me. This is not something that happened overnight. It is something that I've known for a long time. It is something that I've struggled with for a long time. It is not a phase. It is who I am. It is what makes me happy and whole inside. I am still the same person but I am gay. I promise that I will always take care of my health. I will answer any questions that you have of me. I will find you resources and support if you need that. I want you to understand me and who I am and that is why I'm telling you this. " (end) I would put it in my own words of course and probably add that I haven't said anything because I'm afraid of the way dad would react. I could save it as a draft in my email and maybe in a brave (or drunk) moment hit send. Then would have a complete panic attack two seconds later, but it would be done and there is nothing I can do about it. My concern is that she would receive it as she arrived to work first thing of a morning and if she had a worse reaction than I anticipate she would have to go through a whole day of work with it on her mind. To me this almost seems cold but is it actually acceptable?
Depends what you think the purpose of 'coming out' is. If you think you OWE it to your parents to come out, and that it is something they deserve and that coming out is your change to beg for their love, then no it wouldn't be. But coming out ISN'T about that. You're not begging for love or approval, you're stating a fact. You're telling them something. Sure, you hope they will accept it and love you but DAMN IT you are not begging them for it. You aren't out to prove you are worthy of their love, they need to prove they are worthy of yours. Email isn't exactly personal and they might not like it, but realistically, either they will be fine with it and you can apologise later for being so impersonal, or they will take it badly and you can tell them that their reaction is exactly why you couldn't do it in person.
I feel coming out is about saying (WOW I actually had to pause here.... Thank you...) "I have been living a lie my whole damn life. I'm sick of it. This is me. This is who I ACTUALLY AM." (I know that probably isn't as elegant as I could say it but I'm not a wordsmith and mental state is pretty screwed up right now. However it conveys the general idea).
On a personal note I have seen you around and you seem to have great insight. How do you pronounce"Ellia" is it like the letter "L" or two syllables "el-ah" I just want to hear your name right in my head.
I meant eligance here. I was just afraid the way I worded it that the message would read "Here's the real me, Deal With it!". Which would sound arrogant and cockey which isn't what I meant. ---------- Post added 27th May 2014 at 07:55 AM ---------- Would have never guessed 3 syllables.
It may well sound that way, but it's what needs to be said. That IS the real you and they DO need to deal with it.
E-mail is a pretty common way to come out these days, along with facebook or sms. Or maybe a snail mail letter (most people read snail mail at home). It's probably best to write to them by the sound of things so that they can absorb the information and contact you in their own time. Do you think they have any suspicions? (Parents often 'know' and they often go through denial, just like we do). Peace be with you.
My dad? No. My mom is pretty sharp but busy so I don't know if she has enough time to think about it. I really don't fit any stereotypes and have spent my life piling up evidence that I'm straight (Gf in college, ex-wife, and child by another woman). The idea of email was that I could write the letter and save it. Then if I felt bold I could send it without much effort and once I click send it's gone and there's no stopping it. Snail mail I would have 10-15 minutes to talk myself out of sending it while driving across town or else I can snatch it back out of my mailbox if I get a "what the f@#$ am I doing" moment .
Hmm, I see your point. I guess the only thing you can do (though not ideal) is try to plan to send it in the afternoon sometime. This is hardly advice or anything that you wouldn't have been able to think of yourself, sorry. In the end, it sounds like you've thought your method through, and you can't control when he/she opens the e-mail, so if you really really really want them to know, you've just got to go for it. Not nice to think of your mum hurting for a day, but how does that compare to you hurting yourself for... however long you've been hiding/denying yourself? You can't control what they feel, only what you do, and even then not always. Peace and good luck!
