Im currently 14. Im wondering if i should come out very soon or later in life, when I can be financially independent. If I come out now, my parents would have more time to accept me by the time I graduate. If I come out now, my parents could kick me out as soon as I hit eighteen. If I come out later in life, I wouldnt be in danger of abuse or financial issues. If I come out later in life, I could destroy my relationship with my parents. See the issue? My mom would love me no matter what, but disapprove of my sexuality. My dad has made homophobic comments and I dont know if he'd grow to accept me. What do you think I should do?
This is literally the exact same thing I've gone through/am going through. All I can say is it doesn't become easier the older you get but being kicked out becomes a lesser fear the older you get. Personally, I would start by coming out to a friend or two before your parents so you have some form of support despite what you choose to do. The larger the support system you have the easier it will be to cope with parental reactions. In the end though it's entirely up to you, and I wish I had been brave enough to come out at your age. Be honest with yourself on when the right time is and if you need to wait to tell them there's no shame in taking your time. Best of luck and hopefully we can both be brave
Ultimately, it looks like all of your questions are the same question. "Will my parents accept me?" If you come out early or later, it likely won't make too much of a difference. Ultimately, they will make their own minds up about how they feel about you being gay. And while their opinions might change over time (some do, some don't), it likely won't matter if you do it now or when you are 30.. If your parents might kick you out, make sure you have a plan to keep yourself safe. Part of Invisiblekat's advice was to seek out friends and they can be very helpful as a fallback if something terrible like this happens. Hang in there and be brave... It might not be your time right now. You'll know when it is and then you can make that decision come what may...
Unfortunately there's probably never going to be a perfect time to come out. If you try to find them, you'll always find a lot of reasons not to do it -- don't wait for something that might never come. You're 14 -- when do you think you'll be financially independent? After high school? College? There's a very real possibility that you'll still need your parents' support a decade from now...don't sacrifice such a huge portion of your life. There may be some bumps in the road due to the world knowing you're gay, but it's so much better than having to hide who you really are. Please don't make the same mistakes I've made. If you're convinced that at the very least you'll be safe if you come out and you can muster up the courage to do so, take a chance on yourself and make it happen. It might be the scariest thing you ever do but you'll feel so much better once it's over with. Good luck! I hope you find the strength to do it and that you look back on it as the best decision you've ever made.
