I am pretty sure my parents will accept my gender identity... But i am kind of scared anyway... And i don't talk to them much.. I have closed myself off from them throughout the last few months. Partially because i am closeted and partially because i am kind of mad at them. They fight a lot, I think they are going to divorce... BUT THEY DON'T EVEN TALK TO US CHILDREN ABOUT IT AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD. That is a reason i don't want to talk to them, they don't talk to me about their problems and i don't talk to them about mine... the thing is i am pretty top dysphoric and i desperately want a binder. And it doesn't feel good hiding how i feel from them... I talked to my dad a bit telling him that i feel like i can't talk to my therapist, bc she is not acceptant of people with non-binary gender identities... So i guess it is pretty obvious to him that i don't identify within the binary... But whenever he bring up the subject and asks if i talked to my pyscologist or not, i feel really reall akward and bothered.... Any advice on coming out?
Well, any advice I give should be taken with a grain of salt, considering I find it difficult to speak with my mom about anything. However, I can sympathize with you about your parents always fighting. Mine used to fight all the time, split up, then get back together. It kind of made me upset with them that they couldn't settle on a final agreement, either to split up, or to stop fighting. They did this my whole life up until last year, when they broke up for good. You have to consider why your parents don't talk to you about their problems. I don't think it's because they're trying to exclude you intentionally, but sometimes when parents do that, they go overboard and just spit out all of their hatred and emotions towards their partner onto you. This can have a negative effect (it definitely did on me) and is typically discouraged. It's a lot for you to take in, and for me, I felt like I was a soccer playing being bullied by both sides to join their team, when I honestly just wanted to stay neutral. What I'm trying to say is that just because they don't talk to you about their issues right now, doesn't mean you shouldn't be open with them about how you're feeling. Why suffer in silence? If they'll be accepting, and you feel like you're ready enough to tell them, go for it. Hopefully they'll put aside their differences to understand what you're going through, and help you as much as they can! Good luck!
Thank you That is some nice piece of advice! For me it is more like my parents pretend that everything is okay, while it is fucking obvious that is is not... (talking about my dad and step mom when I say parents) I am sorry about your parents. I know what that is like. My mom and her ex fight all the time and tell mean things about each other to us children... that is not fun... Oh and my mom fights with her current partner all the time too First I want to come out to my dad and my step-mom, because i live with them and i know they will accept me. I guess you are right about the part that I should be open to them... Good luck on your part! (*hug*)
I can't speak to your gender identity issues as I have no background or even close to any idea of what you are going through. I can however speak about your folks. Odds are, if what you say is true, they likely are trying to protect you and your siblings from the fallout of their disagreements. I know typically some families want to deal with problems head on and discuss them openly, but not all parents want to burden their kids with their own issues. While I know that doesn't help you with your problem, it is just meant to give you a bit of perspective when it comes to dealing with them in general. I know in my teen years I spent a good chunk of my time being angry with my parents for one reason or another. In this case, you might try having a bit of sympathy. Odds are, if you show them compassion and try to listen, they are more likely to reciprocate those feelings back. But you have to let go of the anger (yeah, I heard the Obi Wan voice too).. My guess is that it will be harder to do that than to stay angry. But if you can let go of it, it will be one less thing on your plate to deal with. If your therapist isn't working out, it might be worth it to see if you can get someone else instead who can help you with the issues you face. Having an even keeled ear to balance out the emotional rollercoaster you are no doubt dealing with will likely be a huge boost for you. You just need to find someone you can talk to who can help you navigate the challenges you face. Hang in there, there are lots of people in the same situation. Just know you aren't the only one.... (HUGS)
oops... looks like you managed to start two of these. I answered in the other one, but much of what I said is similar to what Tetra said.
