What To Do? I HATE MY LIFE..

Sorry that your so unhappy about your life at that age.. I was like that too around your your age, the only thing that helped me was getting my job, I was really shy, still shy now but not as much, the job helped me with my shyness, plus the cash :], I wish i could give some advice but.. Im no good at that. btw why's your dad's a piece of crap?? i dunoo but i found that funny ~_~

 

If I were my ex, I'd say to me that there's no way I could help you because I'm a spoilt little brat who everything is going right for. But I'll try my best to help you

You should never hate being gay, it's not exactly something you can control, or a choice, or anything. It's a part of you, you shouldn't hate it And everyone assumes you're straight unless you give them reason to think otherwise, so you shouldn't start pressurizing yourself about that, just do what you're comfortable with, or what you think you can risk in school, tbh it's not that important.

As for your family, well you ask at the bottom how our families reacted, (though I personally think it's an easier time for bisexuals because we still like 'who we're supposed to like'), but my best friend (who's also on this site, she's called heatqueen) told her mum, and her mum was in denial about it for a very long time, but eventually accepted it and showed her daughter that she still loved her. You say you're close with your family, so chances are they'll probably still love you, they're not going to abandon a member of their own family just because they're a little bit different.

Something I do know is this: IT WILL GET BETTER. Don't even think about ending it all now. You're not going to spend your whole life where you are now, things will get so much better for you once you're grown up and able to go wherever you want. I highly doubt you'll be a virgin forever or never have a relationship, I think that about myself every single day. But people always tell me that things will be better once I've moved out of Dubai.

Also, this site is going to be loads of help for you ^_^ There are people just like you, who are going through similar things (maybe not exactly the same, but who knows, maybe a few of them put together might make your exact situation ), and we're all here for you. Do try and cheer up, all you have to do is wait until the crap years end, and your life REALLY begins. It'll happen eventually, honestly. I'm waiting for the same thing.

Helen
xox

 

Yeahh thats True!, its happening kinda for me now, never thought I'd happen ^_^

 

Why does he need to take pils and drugs?

 

O... i see what you mean by piece of crap lol.. is he addicted to em?

 

Hi Zack. I'm Lex. I'm 38.

Wow, you got a lot going on. There's a lot of stories and issues, and they're sort of intertwined in such a way that it's tough to know even where the best spot to start is. Let's start in an obvious spot - your sexuality.

So you're gay. That's fine. The problem isn't so much your homosexuality - many many people live great happy lives as out homosexuals - but the situation you're in. It's like if you weren't any good at sports, but your parents were people who tried to make you a sports star. Ordinarily, being no good at sports wouldn't be much of a problem, but it would be if you had sports-obsessed parents. So it kinda sucks that you're gay at the moment, NOT because being gay sucks, but because you're in a spot where being gay wouldn't be welcome. Do try to keep that distinction in mind. You can hate the fact that you're in this position, but try not to hate the sheer fact that you're a homosexual. Eventually, you'll see that being gay isn't such a burden after all.

Next up, your family situation. Yeah, I wouldn't bother telling your family about your sexuality. There doesn't appear to be anything to be gained by doing so, and there may be a lot to lose. You don't have to lie to your father and grandmother, but you can refrain from mentioning. It's amazing how much mileage you can get with shrugs and "whatever"s.

"Acting straight". Well, how much is an act, really? In high school, there's a lot of "acting" going on. Unless you think people are born using the slang you use. We all tend to alter our behavior a bit in an effort to "fit in", and that's especially true during the teen years. You'll notice that your schoolmates do tend to look alike. They seem to have one of three or four hairstyles. They dress in identifiable ways. That's part of the "attempting to fit in" thing that's common in high school.

This isn't meant to justify "acting straight" so much as to give a context to it. There's a reason people do it, and it's not simply a "gay thing". Even straight kids wonder if they're "acting too gay" from time to time. Try not to fret too much about your motivations. If you want to talk a bit deeper on the phone, do it. If you'd rather "just let the words come", do that, too. Most people aren't gonna care (or even notice).

As far as your social life is going, well, if you don't have one, go get one. Summer's kind of a bit along, so it may be a bit late in the game to do something for this summer. But think ahead to the school year. What are some activities you might want to get involved in? Is there a sport you like playing? Not necessarily are good at, but enjoy? I used to suck at volleyball (still do, now that I think about it), but I liked playing, so I did some intermural volleball during the school year. Anything artistic you might want to try? Martial arts? Chess club? Do some digging, find out what sorts of activities are available - both connected with your school and separately - and look into joining them. Also, work on establishing some more friends/relationships at school. I'd go into pointers on that, but this post is already gonna be hellaciously long. I'll just say to keep one thing in mind - the way to make a friend is to be a friend.

And last up, your penis. First off, at age 15, it's likely that isn't done growing yet. Mine grew quite a bit even after I turned 18. Even if it is done growing, that isn't going to mean a damn thing. I've had sex with a guy with a huge dick, and with a guy with a small one. The guy with the huge dick was the worst lover I've ever had, and the guy with the small one was the best I ever had. Your size isn't gonna matter one way or the other, when all is said and done.

You do have a lot on your plate, no question. But you're not doomed to a horrible life. You'll come out OK. And we're here to help when you need it.

Lex

 

Something tells me you don't hate the being gay part of it, but that you hate all the baggage that comes with it. That's understandable - we get more hate and intolerance than most other minorities in the world. There's nothing wrong with being angry at how terrible some people can be.

Not everyone hates us. There are a LOT of organizations dedicated to improving our circumstances, more than you might think, it's just that the anti-gay demonstrators are often louder. Trust me, your life could always get worse. Being gay might seem like an extra burden right now, but you can't blame an inherent trait for all of your problems.

Mostly things you can't help. It's only three more years until you start living on your own, maybe that will give you something to look forward to. Try not to compare your life and your self-image to other people.

Yes, you do have a life. It might not be the same as everyone else's, but you still have one. Different people socialize in different ways, you don't have to go to parties and afterschool stuff to be active. And sometimes school friends can be the most important allies, remember that.

So don't - for now at least. Don't feel like you have to come out to everyone right away. If you're not comfortable telling certain people, no one is forcing you. Take it at your own pace, and do it when you're ready. No sooner.

Acting straight, as in acting masculine? Don't live a stereotype. Act yourself no matter who you are, and the benefits will outweigh the rest. You don't have to swing your hips and wear makeup to "fit the part" of being gay, but you don't have to disguise yourself either.

So then don't tell him. If you rely on your parents for financial support, you probably shouldn't tell them until you're comfortably living on your own. Again, don't rush it.

No, sometimes it isn't fair how much crap we get for something none of us can help, but hang in there. There are some plusses if you can believe that, and it's not your fault you were born differently. You didn't get your choices laid out, none of us did. You're being hard on yourself.

There's a match for everyone. No matter how socially awkward or unattractive you think you are, there is someone who likes you. Sometimes it takes a while to find them, but it doesn't take that much effort if you're willing to put a little forth. We're still young, remember that - there are more pressing matters at this age than forming relationships. Anything made now probably won't be around in a year or so; don't try and force youself into the dating scene.

I'm not a psychologist and I'm not trained to handle suicide attempts, but I can at least say don't try it again. No matter how bad it seems, there are good things still out there. Life is worth living if not just for curiosity. Bad times pass by eventually, but if you ended it now, think of all the great things you would never get to experience. Hold on for a few more years and try your hardest to work up some interest in things, I promise there's something or someone out there that will give you motivation to keep going.

I can't help much with this since I'm not out to my family, but I've already given my suggestions earlier. If you're not ready to come out, don't, simple as that.

 

20's?? Guess he's hooked on em then, does he ask you for money??

 

I've only been here for 2 days, but have found this forum to be a huge help, hopefully you will find the same.

It seems like many fathers are just impossible to get along with. My father is an alcoholic. From when I was 12 until 21, we almost never spoke, and any time we did it was a big fight. But, things can and did get better. There were times I thought of suicide, but thankfully got through it. Just this past year, we have been getting along better than any time I can remember. Just remember, drug and alcohol abuse is a sickness, but you can get through it, and hopefully help him get through it too.

Michael

 

If there's one piece of advice I can give you, it's this: don't blame yourself for a part of you that you don't like. Sometimes it's difficult being different. Try not to think of it as a curse. As you start telling a few people, then a few more, then you're goign to feel better. You'll start accepting yourself for who you are. Nobody has control over who they are in their lifetime, all we can do is make the best of it. You were given a unique set of circumstances, which could make your life more difficult. So what? You can still find love, you can still have friends, and you can still have a family. Have an optimistic approach, even if that's not your normal way of doing things.
I know how devestating a suicide/attempted suicide can be. I personally do not recommend it. You always have something, or someone, to live for. Your life is always valued, and you should never think of it any other way. I don't know how your parents feel about homosexuality, but I know they love their son. They may be upset or shocked to find out you're gay, but that doesn't compare to losing you. You won't lose their love when they find out you're gay, no matter how they react.
Not everyone has a positive experience with their sexuality. It may be a bumpy road. Don't ever lose hope. Hope for love, hope for life.

 

feel free to talk to me about suicidal thoughts. i've been there. i've tried eveything. but i also found that suicide isn't really make ur like better it just gives you scars when you fail and can make you really sick. also it destroys friends and family. i've overcome my suicidal thoughts so i know what its like going through things like that.

 

Well, I wasn't going to post on this thread because others have given all the advice I would have thought of. That is until I saw that you are writing from Philadelphia, so samsies, I am also in that general area. I live further out of the city over where you could just as well be in New Jersey, but the first person I came out to lives nearer to the city (Elkins Park I believe... not too sure) Anyway, if you are in Philly she told me about a place called The Attic which is a support area for LGBT teens, so you could try looking that up as a place for support. That may or may not be helpful, but regardless, I also encourage you to keep talking on EC. This place definitely helped me learn to accept myself better and more completely, and is always here to catch me when I start to slip. Keep talking here, because if anything it will show you that you're not alone in this. You may be surprised at how much being here helps. I wish you the best, I'm sure it will get better honey <3

you can check out the attic here http://www.atticyouthcenter.org/
I hope this helps!

 

EthanS if this were real life I would bite you on the weinus right now.

I just spent the last 40 seconds trying to flick a bug off my screen that doesn't exist!

Back on topic.

There have been many great suggestions. Everyone has problems with family and friend sometime in there life, we all deal with it in a different way, a lot depends on how much we know about them and ourselves, the kind of place we live in and how strong we are. Try and figure out what's best for you before you go taking people advise and 'doing' it.

Although I do have a suggestion, when I was coming out last year in Highschool (when i was 15) I had a lot of trouble doing so at first because I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of coming out to my current friends. So I sort out a few new friends whom i KNEW as a matter of fact were fine with it. I hate to be so stereotypical but at my school, I sat with the 'popular' girls (that was suspect enough lol) but when I felt like coming out, I kind of befriended the group that people kind of considered 'Hippies' because I KNEW they would be accepting, supporting and kind friends. I became close to them and came out to them slowly and things went well. I only had to confidence to come out because I already KNEW they were fine with it. These new friends helped me heaps in many ways, not just in coming out as a homosexual but they really boosted my social life and got me out of the house a lot more just because it was so much nicer to be out and about with people I could be myself around. I became more confident, gained many social skills and ultimately, began my coming out proccess.

Good luck.

 

Oh my goodness! You poor dear :icon_sad:

Please don't think all those negative things about yourself! You have to have confidence in yourself, believe in what is right for you and shoot for the stars.
You'll come to accept being gay. It's a period (as mentioned above) we all go through.
You won't be stuck with the people who don't accept you forever. Times will change. Remember, sometimes, if/when we lose everything, the only thing they can never take away is hope.

You will find this place very friendly. Everyone here is kind and supportive. Trust me on that one, I was welcomed very warmly and helped by a lot of people. Don't ever forget you can log on here and let it all out.

Sorry about your family problems...just remember that each of us have our own problems through life. Nobody said it would be easy! I hope you feel better, and cheer up! Remember, confidence is key!