Please, can anyone give me some advice?

It's no wonder you feel lost. Oh my gosh.
Your post raised both anger and sadness in me, I can't imagine what you must be going through.
There are certainly others here that have been through similar experiences (or still are), you're definitely not alone.
I hope you get replies soon.

Peace be with you.

 

I come from a Catholic family and when I first came out, it was a few days where the road was a little bumpy. I'll come back and reply later when I'm not on my tablet but it really does get better, trust me!

 

well to tell the truth my sister and her husband are the first ones i came out to they are young so they are pretty much accepting but the fact they didnt accept was that i still want to be gay they thought of it as a disses and wanted to get me out of it they both love me and they just want to change me being gay because they are afraid i would go to hell trust me most religious people who really loves you and tries to change you is because they think your going to hell and they love you too much to let you go like that so if you came out to your parents dont make a big deal of it if they tried to change you and take you to church and such dont be mean cause like that they would say there is a devil inside you and you are becoming an evil person who god doesnt love
no just act like a loving son always be calm and nice to them no matter what they say cause that would show them your still you and being gay didnt change you its just a part of who you are
hope this helped ^.^ keep us up with the news ok buddy

 

I can't imagine dealing with this, my family is Catholic but not radical, just not accepting to homosexuality. Luckily, my Dad, is, but that's it as far as I know.

I definitely would feel more comfortable if I moved out (in your situation) & then did it, but that doesn't seem realistic and does seem very challenging.

When you get the one you feel more comfortable with alone you should address it if you feel the time is right.

Sorry for my very little advice I can give, I am not fully out either.

 

Gosh....Your situation is one that seems to happen quite often. Sometimes when coming out the families reassess their beliefs and make judgment calls about what they believe. It's easy to be hateful or unaccepting from afar, but when it is sitting at your kitchen table asking "Mom, can you pass the peas", it takes on a whole new meaning.

I doubt any of us can judge whether your parents will come around in time or not. Even you might not know, hence likely why you are asking us.

At the end of the day, you are who you are. No amount of berating by your folks will change that. As you well know, this isn't an announcement that comes to most of us lightly. Most of us take time to consider our families, friends, work and home situations before standing up and announcing to the world who you are. The problem is, that not all straight people understand what internal turmoil within us this causes and how much work it takes to get to that point.

Ultimately, the time will come when you are ready. Nobody can tell you when that time is, other than you. Living honestly takes courage and bravery and not everyone is going to like it or appreciate it. My advice is live honestly, live bravely and keep yourself safe all at the same time. If you choose to live honestly, hopefully they come around in time. But keep in mind the reality that they might not. Try not to do anything in anger, be well prepared to answer their questions if they have any for you. And be ready to move if that need arises.

(*hug*)

 

Like I said, I come from a Catholic family and I thought I would have some problems along the way mainly no acceptance of it whatsoever from anyone. When I started to come out, starting with my brother (who was 16 at time time), I thought I would have a difficult time with them and that they would ex-communicate my per se. After I came out to my brother, he didn't love me any less nor does he treat me any less of a brother. The next people I came out to were my parents. I came out to them through a letter and I left it for them prior to leaving for Junior year of University. The text I received from my mother was a simply 'I still love you, but are you sure" so I thought everything was peachy-keen. Figured out I was kind of wrong in terms of my mother, my dad was completely fine with it. Both of them are just worried about my safety though. They confronted me about it and my mom made me feel pretty shitty about myself and couldn't accept it at all. Looking back, I think those were all my mom's thoughts on this issue.

Everything is fine now. My mom seems very comfortable around me and doesn't talk to me about it anymore. I think both my mom and my dad still worry about my life panning out in the future knowing how society looks upon gay people but I can't stop them from worrying for me.

All this to say: It does get better. May not immediately, but it does sooner or later.
Hope this helped.

 

You could remind them that if God created all people, then he created LGBTQ people too. I'm sorry about your situation. Good luck!

 

No matter how old you get, your parents are still going to worry. That is their job, and one of the ways they show they love you. Granted, sometimes it can be annoying as hell..

 

My family is Mormon and I really thought I had reason to believe my parents might cut me off entirely--part of the reason I waited to come out until after university was that I felt it would be wrong to tell others before them and I didn't want to deal with university without any support. Couldn't have been further from the truth. They were worried about me and they felt that this might make my life more difficult but not for a moment did they turn on me--even when they expressed that kind of concern about how difficult it would be they were always quick to add that I was a strong person and they were confident if anyone could make it work it would be me. My father had made some homophobic remarks a few days before I came out and about a week after I came out he came to me very upset and apologetic about what he had said. It's kind of funny--my parents have had a total of six "sons-in-law" (quotes because my partner and I aren't technically married, but we've been together 16 years) and my partner is pretty definitely their favorite. Don't get me wrong it's not peaches and cream for everyone, but if your parents really love you you might be surprised how they rise to the occasion.

 

I'm in a very similar situation as you in regarding to my parents. They are both insanely religious (more so my mom than my dad), and think being gay is one of the worst things you can be in the world. I'm still not out to them because I know their reaction will be rather... poor. I hope to work up the courage to come out to them, but... I dunno. I wish you the best of luck. I'm sorry I don't really have any advice, though. :/

 

In the end it comes down to this - your future happiness vs. a family connection.

If the family connection is strong and supportive in other ways, it may be tough to risk it. If the connection is emotionally shallow and tenuous (as is often the case with hyper-religious people), you might be better off without them, being yourself, and creating your own "family" out in the world.

Families can come around in time. When a family member comes out as gay, and is clearly sincere and honest about it, it often causes family members to do a bit of soul-searching, and maybe some research. It might take years, but it does happen.

In a situation where the current family connection is strong and supportive, the good news is that this soul-searching is even more likely, and could happen more quickly.

I know guys who have walked away from super-religious families, found good friends, and built modern non-traditional family relationships that were even closer and more supportive than their biological ones. Yes, that loss will still hurt, but there is hope for the future.

 

@One Man Army - I notice from your profile that you haven't yet come out to anyone, apart from the wonderful people on EC With that in mind, would it be possible for you to change that by telling some good friends or colleagues who hold a positive outlook? It's good to build up a support network if you can, so you have someone or some people to turn to when it comes to the more difficult conversations. How about it?

You haven't said anything about your own beliefs, so I'm just wondering if you've arrived at a point where everything is okay on that front. Have you had any conflicting feelings with religion v sexuality?

When it comes to same sex relationships, Christians seem to veer off in all sorts of directions, depending on their own interpretation of the Bible. That's what it's really all about - The Bible. It's not about God or Jesus (even though their name gets dragged into it to undergird an argument), but it's always about that ancient book of scripture that has been so badly abused down the ages.

You have some Christians who take a liberal/tolerant approach to LGBT people, while others go super conservative/narrow minded. There is no consensus of thought on the matter amongst the different denominations and that's a really important point to remember. So really, it boils down to how confident someone or some Church is in their own world view, because, in the final analysis nobody really knows the mind of God. We can all scream loudly and claim to know the truth, but there are just as many screaming something else back. Nobody knows what God thinks and the Bible is absolutely not a good point of reference to determine this either.

I hope your family come round to following the example of an inclusive Jesus who rejected no-one and had more empathy with the lame and downtrodden. To my mind, that's what a modern Christian should be doing, rather than following ancient and irrational ideas from thousands of years ago.

 

You should definitely come out to them. It will make you feel better by having someone to talk to and you won't feel so alone anymore. I'm in the same position as you are and I felt better after I came out to my brother. He accepts me just as I am and doesn't treat me any different.

In relation to your parents you have to understand that they are not really knowledgeable on the issue of being gay. You can't take what they say personally and you just have to take yourself out of any homophobic situations because it will only make you feel crappy about yourself. Try to surround yourself with uplifting things as much as possible.

 

Wish I could advise you a way of telling them that won't hurt them, but unfortunately because they see homosexuality in such a negative light, the only thing that can be done is to consistently remind them it isn't, and hope they become at peace with who you are. That's all any of us can hope for is to be loved and not seen for our orientation but for who we are inside. I work with people with disabilities. You never say someone with a disability is a disabled person i.e. John is autistic. You wouldn't say that. You say John has autism. Or John has a hearing impairment, not John is deaf. Their disabilities don't define them. Having said that, I am in no way suggesting homosexuality is a disability, or any orientation for that matter, not what I mean. My point is that people need to look MUCH closer to whats within. I really don't understand why people are so quick to judge, which reminds me of one my favorite bible scriptures.
Judge not, Lest ye be judged. Matthew 7

To end, I wish you the best of luck, and always remember there is a family here, a world filled with people right here, that accepts you unconditionally.