I am 22 years old. I came out originally in Afghanistan while serving in the military. It was something I needed to come to terms with at the time, within and without. Since then I have moved to new units within the military where I did not introduce myself as "Hey, I'm 'Kenaz' and I'm gay/queer." I don't feel it is a proper way to introduce yourself or relevant in conversation or introduction. However, there is always that lingering fear of what others will think. I don't want the stigma or stereotypes of another when they hear 'gay' cloud their perception of who I am. If anything, I'd rather it just happen -- they see me with a boy or something along those lines. Now I am out of the military and beginning school. I am at a house that is for former military members. They all seem mature and good, but I am still afraid of this being known. I know it will eventually happen, but I feel distant and 'in the closet' again in my own place of residence. I am hesitant to have my friends, who are also LGBTQ, over. I am afraid to have a boy stay. I want to be able to have an open conversation without appear gay. I just don't want this to cloud their view of me, at least until they get to know ME -- but they can't get to know all of ME without this being known first. We don't come out once, we do it again and again. I guess just looking for a conversation about it and some support from you all.
Having been in the Army myself I totally get where you are coming from. I was in during DADT (was one of the first that didn't have to lie on the questionnaire). I think no matter what environment you are in, there is a constant coming out process that happens. Be it at home, work, school or social engagement. The thing to remember is that there is a time and place for everything. Odds are you don't know everything about your roomies anymore than they might know about you. Over time, you'll get to know them and find the ones that can't handle the info and find the ones that can. Hopefully you are in an environment where they can all handle it and you'll just go about your business without any issue. For me, life is coming out over and over. Now at my age it rolls off my tongue like talking about home or my family. When people ask about me I answer honestly. But it has taken many years to do it near fearlessly. But it is still scary sometimes depending on the person. I think your intentions to get to know them is the best way to go. You'll learn about them and they in turn, you. When the time is right to share, you'll have your chance. Just don't rush it because you feel the need to be honest. Be honest when the time is right. If they outright ask you, tell them... (unless of course your personal safety is in danger, but I figure you know how to conduct yourself in a situation like that).. Be brave... And enjoy your life... there is so much more of it left to live!! (*hug*) ---------- Post added 30th May 2014 at 06:45 PM ---------- Also... Just curious if your name is a Hebrew reference or a Rune reference? (Studying runes myself at the moment)
You are most welcome. In time you'll figure things out with your roomies. Yay for runes. I am studying runes as part of my Druid Bardic studies. Learning the history has been an interesting bit of reading... What is your interest in runes?
Maybe some LGBT supportive wall posters or subtle rainbow jewelry you could wear to show that you were never hiding anything from them, would help start a dialog. Or you could do the Facebook thing and friend your roomies as a certain class of friends that has access to your "Interested In" information without having it seen in general, if you are not out to others on your Facebook page. Then go about your life as a gay man without there having to be the "hiding, then coming out later" scene to go through with all of them. Hearing "gay" about you will not cloud their perception of you, it will clarify their perception, because that is part of the real and honest you they will then come to know. The sooner you do this, the easier it will be for them to accept it as part of the developing picture of you.
So an update: Long story short, I went out with my roommates for some drinks. The opportunity came up, and with the help of a little liquid courage, I told them I was gay. No one cared and I think the one said he already thought so but didn't care. So... yay.
Woot!!!! Congrats! I love it when people say they don't care... It's an amazing sense of relief.. ^5s.
You're right, coming out is not as easy as doing it in front of the Golden Globes like Jodie Foster. It's a repetitive process since it's easier to go one small group at a time so questions don't pile up.
