My best friend is homophobic but I realy like him. Ive been hiding it for years and its killing me! I know im important to him because a few years ago in hospital after I had an accident he told me he was terrified and was glad I was okay. Then he laughed, hugged me and said "goddamn I was scared, I love u" thats what hit me. What do I do?
If he is homophobic. I would simply be his friend. While you are hiding a bit of yourself form him, you aren't hiding from him. I am sure he has things about himself that he'd be scared to admit as well. Granted, it is unlikely to be the same thing. What are you hoping will happen when you come out to him? Are you hoping to change his mind? Are you just wanting to clear the air? Ar eyou prepared to lose his friendship over this? Now granted, if you lose his friendship over this, he probably isn't a good person to be friends with anyways. But that is a tough pill to swallow with a friend that you've know for so long... What do you want to do?
I agree with Hyaline. If you want to keep the friendship then maybe it's best to just keep it hidden from them. It's a shame that it has to be like that, because you should be able to tell your best friend everything, but if it's not worth risking the friend then maybe you should just not say anything. If, however, you feel like you do really need to tell him, then you should, and you should just try to explain it well. Maybe he'll change his views when he realises how not all gays are the same and he's been friends with one for a while. Good luck!
I think it's important to remember the original psychiatric definition of homophobia: "fear of being homosexual, or being seen as homosexual by others." It's always possible your friend meets this definition. He may indeed be somewhere in the gay-bi spectrum, and just not ready to come out. The real irony would be if he had the same fear of losing your friendship! Are there other signs? The current popular misuse of the term homophobia (thanks, press folks!) to mean someone who hates gay people is misleading and un-useful. I think "ignorant" or "bigoted" might be more appropriate.
