I really don't know where to begin . . . I guess I'm just having a bunch of doubts, and I figured it was better to get stuff of my chest than hold it all in. I guess some backstory is necessary. I figured out almost 2 years ago that I was bi and came out to my family around the same time. My family has been really cool about it, in general, but in February, I began a project researching and looking into sexuality and the LGBT community (including writing a BOOK). I decided to do that project as a private study for one of my classes in high school, especially because the issue was becoming increasingly important for me as I fought to both be myself and hide a little inside the closet. That was when I started getting some backlash - especially from my mom. It seems like she thinks I'm almost obsessed or else "dramatizing" it, as she's always been so fond of saying. That's an issue for another day, but it comes down to this: she seems to accept who I am, but she doesn't want me waving and screaming about it. It's not a huge issue, it bothers me, but it's not as bad as it could be. Whatever. Now, the bigger problem at hand: I'm moving away to university in less than three months. I will be moving a LONG distance from home, and my closest family will be an hour away, an aunt and uncle with two kids. Both of them have assured me a TON that they will help however they can and all I need to do is say the word, but I'm also not out to them. My concern is that I want to start living openly when I get into university; it's stifling for me to have to hide what I think and feel around everybody but my family. But if that's the case, my aunt and uncle are going to find out at some point, and I have no idea - NO IDEA - how they're going to react. When I tried to tell my mom how I felt about it, that I wanted to come out to them, she seemed to think it was a bad idea and discouraged it, and I swear, she told me, "I don't make a big deal about my heterosexuality". It didn't register for me at first (I was a little anxious at the time), but her remark was sort of a slap in the face. Of course she doesn't make a big deal of it; her sexuality is the NORM. She doesn't have to worry about how people are going to react. I feel like sometimes I do. So in short, I have no idea what to do. I feel like my mom's gotten tired of the conversation (she barely seems to register that I've been writing this book for my project!), I have no idea how to come out to the people who will basically be one of my only lines of support for four years or more (whom I love dearly, but just am really scared of being rejected by), and I'm going away to university (in another country. UGH). All in all, I'm just . . . conflicted. Sorry for the long post . . . I guess I was hoping somebody had advice. Uh . . . yeah. :help:
I would bring up LGBTQ rights or issues in a conversation with your aunt and uncle, and see how they react to that before coming out to them. To mr, it sounds like your mom is just worried about you. You shouldn't let that restrict you from living the way you want to, but see if you can get her to tell you why she gets so upset. Maybe if you talk about it, things will get better. Good luck!
Hey and welcome! My parents were sort of similar when I came out. They said many times, "You can be gay, but don't post it on Facebook." Little things like that. I think your best option is to calmly explain to your mom the concepts of heteronormativity and why she doesn't have to be a proud heterosexual. You'll make a lot of awesome friends at school. You can come out to your aunt and uncle if you want to. I can't tell you how they will react, but they wouldn't be the people I'd want support from if they didn't accept me for who I am. Don't let your parents force you to live in the closet by pretending that you're being "in-your-face" about it.
I would love to get into a conversation about that with her, but part of the problem is that our relationship is a little strained at the moment. I agree that she's probably worried about me, and I can understand why, a little. But I feel like if I tried to bring it up, she'd get angry and defensive, and I'm not sure how well it'd turn out. These days, it feels like she takes none of my words into consideration. Thankfully, my aunt is a nurse, so I'm hoping that she might be a little more open to it. Not sure about my uncle, but he's always been really cool, so maybe that might work out, too. I should probably call them soon; maybe I can bring it up. Shouldn't be too hard; after all, gay marriage recently got legalized in my state, so that's a bonus! (!) Thank you for the welcome. I'm glad to be here. :icon_bigg I've been thinking about that a lot, actually. It's the reason why I'm so upset. She lives in a society where her sexuality is the norm, and she has nothing to fight for in that area. But I don't have that luxury - the only way to fix the issues I'm facing is to speak out. That may be why she's worried, but I don't know. I'm hoping that I'll make some cool friends; I'm a little worried about how that will go, but I'm trying to tell myself I'll be okay. :icon_sad: And that's my exact issue -I want them to support me, but I don't want to keep this a secret from them either. I can't hide something like this from them, if I want to live openly. ...this is an interesting take. I haven't heard any issues from my dad, although he's not a big part of it, but my mom . . . I don't know. I want to say that she wouldn't do that, but then again, I'm not so sure. I guess that's something else I can talk to her about, when the time comes. Gotta stay confident . . . :icon_redf
...I've just fucked up so badly. I tried to talk to her. I tried to explain myself, about how hard I've been working and how I want to try and fight for this, and she told me that I was making a big deal out of nothing and that she was fine with me being bi, but that she thought I was looking for some kind of outrage and that I was getting into issues that weren't mine and that I was making it a bigger deal than I shouldn't and just . . . just . . . I'm just more hurt than I was before. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I want to feel like I'm fighting for something that's worth it. I want to feel like I don't have to hide what I think or the fact that I think so passionately about what I think. I don't want to be judged by what she thinks I should do. I don't want to be scared anymore.
I think it depends on what you have to lose. Your aunt and uncle have offered to help you out a TON, but will you really need to take them up on the offer for this to be a big issue for you? It only becomes complicated if you really will need them while you are at uni. Many universities have LGBT groups and associations (plus other groups) where you can go for support and friendship and you may find that you get on just fine with the back up of new and interesting friends. The more you can be self reliant at uni the easier it will be for you to live the open and honest lifestyle you really desire. I think it depends how much you will need your aunt and uncle. If you'll need them a lot and it will make life really difficult without their support, then have a careful think about coming out to them, but if you find yourself able to manage without them, do as you wish and tell them about your sexuality, if it feels right.
Let it go for now. Get to university and live openly. Relax a little. Your mom may have a point, actually. Don't make a big deal of it, unless and until you have to. If your rights are violated, out come the knives! Just expect and assume that others will accept and support you, unless they prove otherwise. I think we're quickly coming to that point in many areas of American society anyway. I just home you're not headed to some Christian university, or one with a poor LGBT record.
Okay . . . I'm feeling better now than I did before. *mood swing* I think you're right . . . I just need to relax. I ended up having a big conversation with my brother that helped put it all in perspective . . . I think the concern was that I was putting such a heavy emphasis on my sexuality and not much else. My bro helped me realize that, so I'm feeling a lot better and a lot more able to take your advice. *phew* Thankfully, I'm not headed to either; I'm heading to a really good and open university in Canada. I'm super excited to go, too, I have a lot of fun classes picked up. Thank you, guys . . . I think I just need to relax on the issue. Hopefully that'll help make me happier overall.
